scoey's conundrum

the conundrum is on the MOVE

2009-11-13T12:58:00.000-08:00

scoey's conundrum is now in a new home: scoeyd.com

It's a work in progress, but I like it.

the days turn into a week, how quick they pass...

2009-11-12T13:20:00.000-08:00

We came back from the pastors conference & arrived at TPLF just in time for me to say goodbye to Matt & Shawn – they’re headed to Berlin for 3 days - & to say “Hello” to my friends from Battle Ground, Washington, Dan & Joy Russell – we hung out at the church for an hour or so, catching up on the events of the last year, & also planning for what would be happening with the “Roundabout” meetings at TPLF.

Got some pizza from Zimt und Koriander (Cinnamon & Coriander) & brought it back to TPLF with just enough time to scarf it down before people started showing up. One of the girls I met on Sunday, Talitha, is a friend of one of the eichhörnchen (squirrels) – Tiffany… Talitha brought a friend that she knows from the city a guy named Jason…

From our conversations, I found out that he was from South African & had come to Germany in 2007. The move & some other circumstances had led to him getting divorced, which left him at the lowest spot of his life. He told me that he was drinking all the time, & constantly carried vodka with him; he was low & ‘far away from God.’ One day, he was pretty sauced & was in the downtown area when he heard music… good music. He could tell by the ‘feel’ of it that it was from ‘gospel’ – good rock gospel. He wandered over & saw a group of Germans & Americans doing this program & outreach called “Life is Beautiful” – Leben ist Schön… Turns out one of the Germans knew him, & brought him over for people to talk & pray with him. Someone threw out his vodka; another prayed. Others listened. Mostly, he said, he just sat & soaked in the ‘love of God’ that he experienced from the people on the outreach. He said, “God used this to bring me back to Him. It saved my life & turned me around.”

I cried. He didn’t know it was Hillside that had done the outreach with TPLF, & didn’t know or remember me. He just knew it was life-changing. And that Leben ist Schön.

We hugged & I cried some more - & I’m so thankful to hear this story, this life testimony… and to see & experience the real life fruit of something planted 2 years ago. God is so good.

It moved me so much I had to leave - & went back to Alex & Linda’s & caught up on all the events of the previous 3 days. Told them about what I’d just experienced. I laid in my bed for a couple of hours, very thankful, so happy. Talked to theBean. Chatted on Facebook with Brother. Laid there for 2 hours, really soaking in it. Went to sleep.

When I woke up, I discovered that I’d slept for 11 hours. Goodness. Felt rested & refreshed, but a little rushed, because I had a meeting to get to in Mainz, & I’d planned on getting a very early start. The sleep was worth it though.

Made it to Mainz (albeit with the usual train issues that I seem to attract. Don’t ask.) Met with Jan for a couple of hours, talking about how I/we can be involved in supported Foursquare Germany, the churches & the pastors. It excites me so much to think about the possibilities & open doors. I love this man & I’m very thankful for what is happening now.

Stopped in a little coffee shop (that’s the name of it too,) to blog a bit. In a few minutes, I’m headed to Johannes & Anja’s place for a little food, wein, & good talks.

The cappuccino hits the spot. I feel a lot of peace. Blessing. Hope. Encouragement. Thankfulness. Love. Missing home… my theBean & my Pasty Gangster. IDoey. Weezer. You. Our church family. Sigh.

Another few short days, & I’ll be headed home. But in the meantime, I am content to say life is beautiful. Leben ist Schön.

I'm back... or, how I finally found the internet in Prum, Germany

2009-11-10T05:16:00.000-08:00

I've not been able to connect to the net for a while, so if you've been sending me emails or notes that haven't been returned, I'm sorry. Please bear with me - today, 10 November, Shawn & I found the "Lothar Raum" which is where we are connecting to the net via an ethernet cable. Also, this is a long post - you've been warned.

Sunday, 8 November
Woke up early to have breakfast with Alex & Linda – a good German breakfast of bread, nutella, yogurt & mueslix… & coffee of course. I appreciate these people who have opened up their home & life to me, inviting me in to be a part of what they do.

Alex dropped me at TPLF at 10, & I spent time reconnecting with friends & mentally preparing for the Sunday speech. Worshipping with our sister church is a lot like being at home, with a pleasant comfort that comes from revisiting something familiar, something that you’ve been missing. It was especially fun to see Dudi on the keyboards ☺.

I spoke on John 15:1-11 – on Staying Connected, with 3 specific points about connection:

connecting to God,

connecting to our church & church leaders

connecting to the people in our church family.

Speaking through an interpreter is mentally draining – esp. because it requires thinking in complete thoughts vs. in ‘sentences’ if that makes sense. I hit a tangible ‘wall’ in point #2 about connecting to church & church leaders – because of the German reticence to ‘trust’ those in leadership due to both the history of domineering leadership in Germany (WW2) & also the loss/removal of TPLF’s senior pastor 18 months ago. It was tough, but I know I did what I was supposed to & said what I needed to. And left the rest up to the Holy Spirit & the grace of God. Sigh.

After church, I ate a döner with Shawn & Matty, then waited for Eddy to come pick us up to take us to the Pastors conference that I’ve been a part of for the last 4 years – really enjoyed the talking & laughing with the boys on the long (3 hour) drive to Prüm, on the western border of Germany near France & Luxemborg.

Our evening at the conference was one of getting oriented to the youth hostel where we’re staying, & a service consisting of praise & worship. Afterwards, we spent time with the German pastors & talked at length about the life & times of the last year. I met a pastor from Kazachstan who was visiting Germany & the German conference to see how the FEGW (Foursquare Germany) functioned as a church movement. As I stood their & listened to amazing story after amazing story, it reminded me both of how incredible our God is, & how small I am.

FEGW Conference, Day 2
Peter Wenz, a pastor from Stuttgart is the presenter. The thing that jumped out at me is that he is very animated & full of life & a tangible joy. The topic for the week is “FAITH” - & learning to live ‘correctly’ – which he defined as being filled with the Word of God, filled with hope, & lead by the Spirit into a life that is greater than me, for a purpose that God intends. Our main texts for the session were Habakkuk 2:14 & Hebrews 11:6

I love how he defined & discussed faith –
• not as something nebulous or intangible, but as something that is a secret, Godly substance placed in the hearts of His people; this secret substance gives us Godly confidence & boldness, special hope, discernment, & supernatural abilities to accomplish God’s purposes.
• Faith is a gift from God to stir us, to awaken us to be looking for opportunities to live for God & to intersect the lives of others for God.
• Faith opens us to God’s realm, the really real realm, to live life in a way that is ‘overcoming’ (Romans 8:39)
• Faith is real & integrated into our everyday life, & as we act on it causes truth to become ‘real & evident’ in our hearts & lives
• Faith is real & tangible, & causes ordinary people to really live extraordinary lives.

Session 2 addressed Mark 1:14,15 & the ministry of Jesus – he talked about Jesus’ 4 declarations:
• The time is come
• The Kingdom of God is at hand
• It is time to Repent – to renew our minds & way of thinking to God’s
• Believe – in Christ, & follow Him

Things that stood out:
• The main obstacle to faith is unbelief – a humanist intellectualism that opposes the purposes & plans of God
• This unbelief is often centered in the religious upper-class of society
• We ask God to increase our faith, & then we ‘stand’ in & exercise the faith that we have – not the letter of it, but the Spirit of it.

Good stuff – lots of great testimonies & encouragements.

Shawn, Matt & I ate lunch together, then walked to a store down the street for supplies (snacks & water.) The highlight of our walk was when Matt tried to engage the cashier in small talk with a little, “How you doin?” She just looked at him blankly – didn’t speak any English. Shawn translated for Matt, & the clerk, once she understood, just looked at Matt & said, “Bad. Bad.” We all got some good smiles from that. Went to an Austrian restaurant for a schnitzel, a hefe, & lots of good discussion then went back to the hostel for the evening.

We’re learning all kinds of stuff about each other. Good times.

FEGW Conference, Day 3
I woke up at 1 a.m. to a dull ache in my right shoulder, waaaay down deep in the joint. It kept me up until about 4. Bummer way to start the day.

Our final sessions with Peter Wenz centered on Ephesians 4:7-13 – which is a portion of scripture that is especially significant for me (on account of the fact that we spent more than 3 months in those verses last year at this time – he focused on the words “measure of grace,” something given by God for people to live & function in - & that the “some people” who’ve been given the role of being a pastor, teacher, evangelist, prophet, or apostle are to be about the work of making disciples, spurring others on towards maturity in Christ.

I especially enjoyed his discussion on how the body of Christ is to be “complementing” each other instead of “competing” with each other – with complementing being “to harmonize, go together better;” truly functioning like a body functions towards the same goal, not 100 unique ones.

The boys & I are debating what we’ll do this afternoon during the ‘small group’ time – everyone else will be getting with the other pastors & leaders from their region & working on a project. We may be making another run to the store for snacks & supplies; Shawn found a “Sculpture Park” that we might be walking to, though the chill of our day, coupled with the ache in my shoulder makes a longer jaunt seem much less attractive… We will see.

preparing for lunch, & other adventures...

2009-11-06T05:55:00.000-08:00

Eventually, one gets hungry on a Friday. And when one gets hungry, what does one do? One makes their way to the local REWE to do some grocery shopping.

Since we were having hamburgers, the 1st thing we need to pick out was what we'd eat them on - Alex said that the bread needs to be good German bread so that it doesn't get soggy - & who am I to argue with him. So we started by checking out the bread roll section...

After we got our rolls & other supplies, we made our way back to the house for creation & assembly. The picture at left is the assembly line; notice how its put together in such as way as to allow for maximum efficiency.

The burgers were marinated with a home-made marinade with lots of garlic & honey (delicious, with a spicy-bite-kick to it.) & then cooked in the oven.

Linda isn't a meat-eater, so she created tofu versions of what we had.

And yes, thanks for asking, those are the hamburger creations we dined upon. They were so huge that large skewers were needed to just hold them together. I even ate my burger with the skewer still in it, which required a coordination & dexterity that I was not aware I possessed. Only had one DOH! moment where I Homer'd myself in the right eye. No pictures were taken of that portion of the meal.

And here's Linda downing her tofu-burger, topped with Alex's specially created sauce, fresh tomatoes, lettuce, & chopped up little gerkins (which, by the way, is german for little pickles. Who'da
thunk it?

Near the end of the meal, I got a call from Anja - we'll be getting together tomorrow for coffee, then dinner with Alex & Linda. Good times.

Tonight, we'll be hooking up with Earl & Matty, Levent & Ines to go to a place called Celsius, which I've been told is as close as one can get to Berlin, while staying in Frankfurt. I'll have to report on that.

Finished the final touches for my speech for Sunday at TPLF - I'm talking from John 15:1-11 about staying connected:

Connected to God

Connected to our leaders

Connected to our church family

Sound familiar?

The Fantastic Journey!... or how I managed to travel for 24 hours straight...

2009-11-05T10:01:00.001-08:00

I've known that my November 2009 trip to Germany was coming - months ago, when I booked my flights, I intentionally did 3 things to avoid known trouble spots:

Avoided any flight with the words "San" or "Francisco" included in it.

Put "I Heart Denver" in all my itinerary searches

Determined not to start my outbound voyage before 10 a.m.

Lucky me, the first 2 things I did worked great - the 3rd? Not so much. Due to an Unforeseen Need To Cutback on the Number of Flights, my Reno-Denver leg was moved 3 times. So, I got to start my day at 5 a.m. so that I could make sure to get to the airport to make my 7:20 with time to spare. Sigh.

Denver is a great airport; lots of great places to eat, spacious & clean concourses to walk (w/hand sanitizer every 10 steps,) & this time, friends to hang out with. Matty C & Earl W were both on board for the 1st leg of the trip - we hung out at the New Belgium Hub, ate omelettes & egg burritos, sampled the 1554 Black, & talked.

A good time was had by all... a good time that was split up only by the next flight for me - Matty & Earl had somehow finagled a direct flight to Frankfurt out of Denver, albeit with a 7 hour layover in the aforementioned Denver Airport. At least it was a good one.

Said my goodbyes & headed for Chicago - even landed there early due to a great tailwind. Only 90 minutes & I was to be off to Deutschland. Or so I thought.

Literally as we were lining up for boarding, word came down from On High that there was an Un-named mechanical issue that needed to be resolved - the screen began flashing a modified departure time... 45 minutes further out. Ok.

As our scheduled boarding time arrived, the voice from On High declared that our aircraft had been sent to the proverbial bullpen - & needed more repairs than could be gotten on the tarmac. The good news (& I use that phrase with my tongue firmly placed in my cheek, which caused me to bite it,) was that a replacement plane had been found to take us to the Fatherland... though it was only a mere 3 hours away. Which meant that our departure time would be just a little bit later than we'd initially thought...

So, what to do? Get a bad attitude? Complain? Go flex my proverbial muscles for all the desk-counter personnel & ask them if they happened to know who I am? No. All of those jobs were already taken, with understudies even.

The job that wasn't taken was the one of the happy, content guy reading his book, who was also pleasant to be around, & occasionally even engaged in conversation with the people around him. So I took it.

Not because I felt like that guy - precisely because I DIDN'T feel it. I was uncomfortable, grouchy, tired, hungry, frustrated, missing out on Game 6 of the Series, missing theBean & theFam something terrible already... I've been trying to grow in not just living by my feelings or by the attitude/outlook that tries to muscle its way to the surface... instead I tried to put on Christ. Keep a good attitude. Not focus on me & my disappointments.

And I made it.

Slept for 7 out of 8 1/2 hours of my flight. Woke up rested. Flight landed. Eventually made my way through passport control, baggage claim, & customs... found Alex G. Matty C & Earl W were located. Navigated the city (with a temperamental GPS to boot) & eventually got everyone where they needed to be for round 2...

Ate the Hot & Spicy Pasta that Chef Alex made, with the 337 that theBean sent for Linda... enjoyed a Via together. Went for a walk through the park & the streets around Alex & Linda's new neighborhood. Relaxing.

Had a brief chat with theBean before she went to work. Ahhh.

I'm looking forward to the rest of my time - starting with a good nights sleep. Good night now.

40 going on 21, part 1

2009-10-29T17:30:00.000-07:00

I've been ruminating on a series of conversations that I had with my buddy, Chuck, while I was at CSR this last August.

The conversations were brought on by the fact that my 40th birthday was coming soon - & how much I was looking forward to that event & the stage of life that would come with it. (And, by the way, I'm 40 days into my 40th year, & so far, I'm loving the fact that I'm a man! I'm 40!)

A lot of our talks centered on the infatuation our society seems to have with YOUTH & being YOUNG... & the seeming inability to accept the fact that people age... & aging is seen as a bad thing, something to be ashamed of, avoided, &/or denied.

Bummer.

Part of what really drove it home for me was that a lot of my 'thinking time' happened on & near the Virginia Tech University campus - there were literally thousands of 18-25 year olds all over the place just arriving in Blacksburg for the start of the fall semester... In Walmart. Starbucks. Borders. The campus bookstore. Swarms of people. Checking each other out, visually measuring self against others, masking anxiety with volume... The pretty young things got the most attention & savored it.

In the midst of it, I felt strangely secure. Comfortable in my own skin. I pondered Chuck's words, & thought about what he'd said about the privileges & things gained as one ages...

...experience & wisdom to be shared. Perspective at having seen seasons of life, fad, & fashion come & go & come back again. The weight the words carry of one who has not only lived, but has lived well, without striving, through the tides, peaks, & valleys that life brings. The joy of watching one's children grow. Peace at being able to simply enjoy the moment.

The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old. Proverbs 20:29 New Living Translation

Being 40 is great. I'm lovin' it.

Things I'm thinking about:

Associating 'young' & 'youth' with childish, irresponsible, immoral behavior

Peter Pan syndrome...

valuing people by their outward appearance...

living selfishly, without regard for others

attempting to avoid the responsibility that comes with the making of choices - & the consequences (outcomes?) of those choices

the inevitability of aging... something that no amount of cosmetic surgery, hair dye, or botox can avoid.

my dream...

Hmmm.

tuesday & it's pretending to snow...

2009-10-27T19:59:00.000-07:00

Woke up last night to a howling wind, accompanied by the sound of rain & hail being slammed up against our windows. Ah yes. It is nearly Winter. Or at least its pretending.

Went to theWeez's soccer banquet tonight - held at Pizza Plus, which IS a plus. Got to eat pizza & wings & watch 15 or so 12-14 year old girls do whatever it is that 12-14 year old girls do.

75 minutes, lots of giggling & a 3 minute awards ceremony later, we were on our way out.

It was snowing. Or at least pretending to snow. You know what I mean, the kind of snow that you can actually see falling to the ground, but once its actually there, it sort of disappears. Which is why I say it's 'pretending.'

I've started my packing process - the week-long saga I go through in preparing for my November trip to Germany. Laying out clothes I might want to take, making sure they're all washed & pressed; then, laying out clothes that I'll wear in the days leading up to departure day. Silly, I know. But the 2 piles can't be mixed.

Determined more than ever not to over pack, & also to leave adequate room for my gifts & take-alongs.

Got a great present today - about 40 3-packs of the Starbuck's Via instant coffee... just add hot water & booyah! Coffee, or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof. I'm taking it with, just in case I meet some hot water...

I like to hulu, - esp. because it makes it so I can watch Fringe. It reminds me a bit of The X-Files... Fringe is something I normally couldn't watch, because it's on the same time as The Office, which totally trumps Fringe, at least in theBean's eyes. (Which, by the way, are some pretty deep blue eyes... so deep, I got lost... but I digress...)

Week 3 of the kettlebells - holy moly. That's all I have to say. Arms, legs, chest, core...

Which reminds me that I need to soak-a my feet. I'm tired.

Here's to "No Snow!" tomorrow.

thursday night...

2009-10-22T19:48:00.000-07:00

One of the by-products of the killer kettlebell workout from yesterday, which was also accompanied by a couple miles of extra running up & down Disc Drive, is that I am sore. Really sore. Wake-yourself-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-rolling-over sore. Sigh.

As the ALCS plays out in front of me, I'm realizing that this is officially the least amount of baseball I have ever watched, over the season, on TV. The plus side is that having the Aces in town meant that I got to see more games in person.

Re-discovered an early 80's movie The Philadelphia Experiment. Last saw it as a high school sophomore. Took me back in time.

Which reminds me: that may be why I love to watch old movies (old to me mostly means 40's, 50's & 60's) - watching them takes me back to the 1st time that I saw them. Almost like time travel... except safer. And without a DeLorean.

Socks have become increasingly important to me.

Fresca. Get it.

Great talks with EdieVegas yesterday. He's in grad school studying a developing branch of Historical-ness. Love that guy. He's living one of my dreams - pursuing a graduate degree in History. Heavy sigh.

Is there anything that you CAN'T put Tea Tree Oil on?

A nap is one of the best gifts that you can give yourself. Good news: I'm a giver! Perhaps tomorrow I shall nap. We shall see. We shall see.

Good night now!

Wednesday was a funny day...

2009-10-21T19:48:00.000-07:00

I found a new gym. Or should I say, it found me. Its only .9 miles from my home, & my whole family can gymnasium (I totally verbed a noun) for less than $30/month. Haven't left my old gym officially, but I'm not going anymore, because my new gym has NEW equipment. Functional treadmills. Nice barbells. And kettlebells. They had me at kettlebells.

Worked out today. Happened to put my car/house/every-important-thing-that-requires-a-key-in-life-key chain in a locker. Forgot my own lock, but that's ok, right? Came back to pick up my keys to find... someone had put a lock on the locker. Sigh.

I went around to every male in the gym (thank you Jesus that there is a Men's locker room, because it totally limited my search) asking, "So, did you happen to put a lock on locker #37? Cause my keys are in there, man." Everyone said, "No." It was awkward, especially with the BIG men, the guys that have a Routine, guys listening to their iPods, guys like Sal who seem like they'd rather break me into several pieces as soon as look at me...

So I called mytheBean. She brought me keys to my car so I could take care of some of the errands I needed to run. I rationalized, "I will come back in 2 hours & the lock will be off #37 & my silliness at not putting my own lock on will be but a distant memory..."

I had planned on driving the Ex down to the gym to pick up my keys. Turns out, everyone left me at home WITHOUT keys to the Ex. So...

TheWeez & I walked the .9 miles down to the gym & I expected that my keys would be at the front desk by this time. Not so. The lock was still on #37. I was able to convince the manager that the best course of action was to CUT the lock on #37, & let me get my keys. Then, I would buy a new lock at the Home Depot & bring it back. A small price to pay for my... forgetfulness.

Got my keys. Ran the .9 miles uphill home, while theWeez waited at theBean's work. Got the Ex. Drove to pick up theWeez. Went to the Home Depot. Tried to find a lock that resembled the 1 that was cut for me. No dice. Looked for 1 that I would want, & found 1 for only $6.34 (tax included.)

Went back to the gym to drop off the lock. Girl at the front desk was amazed at the quality of the lock I chose. Go figure.

Turns out the guy that had put the lock on #37 had been in the gym the whole time, (4 hours bro?) & had said, "NO!" when asked if he had put a lock on #37, but had obviously been simply trying to avoid the responsibility of locking a space that had held my keys... go figure.

Drove home with theWeez. Weary. 3 hours & counting of my life, poured out in the pursuit of right. Gonna watch a moving picture with my girl - Shanghai Noon? That'll work...

my current reading list...

2009-10-07T19:04:00.001-07:00

I don't exactly know why I do this, but I don't just read one book at a time; I do several. The method for this madness is usually the same - read a chapter or 2, then put the book down & digest it... some of the digesting takes place when I pick up another (aka 'transitional') book. Usually, there's about 5 in the queue that I'm working through. (NOTE: I reserve the right to change my mind & binge read at any given point.)

The list of books on my desk right now:

A Grief Observed - Lewis

Why Churches Die - Brunson & Caner

The Mishnah - Neusner

The Colossian Syncreticism - Arnold

Safe People - Cloud & Townsend

A couple conversations have led me to revisit the last book - & I'm especially interested in Cloud & Townsend's personal traits or identifiers of "unsafe" people. Here are a few that stood out to me:

Unsafe people:

don't admit their weaknesses, but act/live as though they have it all together.

are religious, not spiritual.

are defensive, instead of open to feedback

are self-righteous, not humble

apologize, but don't change their behavior

demand trust, instead of earning it

blame others, instead of taking responsibility

lie instead of telling the truth

avoid closeness & intimacy with others

are more concerned with the "I" than the "we"

flatter instead of confront

condemn instead of forgive

are unstable over time, not consistent

gossip, & don't keep secrets

Interesting. And please note: what I put down in a list that takes up a couple inches of virtual blog space is written on in detail over 60 pages. Still, I think that we could have a conversation or 2 on any one of these. You?

Football on a Sunday afternoon, & other musings...

2009-10-04T14:41:00.000-07:00

It's easier to watch the 49ers now that they seem to have at least a fighting chance. Goodness. The last few years have been rough. Like 15 of them.

On that note, I think I made it through the tough stuff because of fantasy football - when things were rough in the Bay, at least I could live vicariously through the players on my teams.

My last fantasy baseball team ends its season today. With me in 1st place. Booyah.

I've had a series of very vivid, realistic dreams. Sometimes it seems that they're totally random & don't have any special significance... but these dreams make it seem like some action &/or response is required. Gotta pray.

More & more, I am understanding the saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink..."

Stargate Universe was ok. Seems like the creators have taken a page from the BSG playbook. I'll watch again this week & see how it goes. You see it? What'd you think?

Nap time.

...October Friday

2009-10-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

I'm reveling in the joy that is Friday morning. A little extra sleep. Morning coffee with theBean. Catching up on some blog-rolling. Making sure my 8 fantasy football rosters are complete (its the 1st week of the NFL season with BYE weeks, don't you know...?) Enjoying the coolness of autumn mornings.

I like how October feels in the morning. Its distinctly different in its feel & smell. The pleasant crispness of the day, which is not the BITING cold that November brings, but is perfect for wearing my new Snuggie™. Theoretically.

We're off to beautiful downtown Stockton today - Pasty has a game against Franklin, & we're making a family voyage of it. I'm already foreseeing a good time being had by all. Road trips mean stops at Local Mini-markets & the rubbing of shoulders with Said Locals. Which = Fun. And I know IDoey will be getting chili-dogs, theBean will load up on sunflower seeds, & theWeez will aim for anything Sour Patch. And maybe I'll have some McDonald's Double-Cheeseburgers. The possibilities are endless.

Re-reading some Sherlock Holmes. I almost forgot how much I enjoy the familiarity of the stories coupled with the keen observation & wit of Holmes.

Softball season has ended none too soon. 1x/week since March, & the ball left a few indelible marks on me. Left hand got hit during BP in March. Still bruised. Right shin off of a bad hop in May. Still feeling that. Top of left foot from yet another bad hop last Monday. Achy & tender to the touch, which makes tying my shoes dis-comfortable. And un-agreeable.

Pasty just came home - & theBean made him Second Breakfast. Funny. At least to me.

the fun of getting presents in the mail...

2009-09-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

I've taken the 5 Love Languages quiz before, & also am a bit self-aware about what communicates love, sweet love, to me - mostly physical touch & words of affirmation.

Still, there is nothing like coming home from a long day at work to find that there are Unopened Packages awaiting ones arrival. Today there were 3 boxes; 2 from Amazon, 1 mysterious unmarked (yet professionally wrapped enough to make me not sweat that Ted Kaczynski is striking again,) box. All with my name on them. Booyah.

I'm a slooooww opener of stuff. Perhaps its to convince myself that the wrapping paper needs to be saved. However, that's not it - in this situation, there wasn't even any wrapping & I still managed to take For-ever to open. I started with the unknown (because, hey, if its from Amazon & comes in a box, its a book. Or DVD's.)

Turns out my buddy Rudy, a wine 'broker' in SF remembered my birthday with some fruit of the vine - a Malbec & a Shiraz from the Barossa Valley. Sweet. Nothing like unexpected signs of blessing showing up on my doorstep. Thanks Rudy.

First box from Amazon - turns out it is a couple of Financial Peace books that theBean had ordered & BOOM had showed up the next day. Nice to have an Amazon hub in Fernley... So she was happy too. Vino & her books.

2nd box from Amazon is the jackpot - FIVE (5) books by C.S. Lewis:

The Problem of Pain

A Grief Observed

Mere Christianity (my other copy got snaked

The Great Divorce

Miracles

All of which means - I will be reading tomorrow. Lucky me. And thank you.

Wednesday in the afternoon, & I'm hungry...

2009-09-23T16:44:00.001-07:00

Just finished lunch - it came 3 hours too late, but why cry over an already eaten meal? What gets me is that even though I just ate lunch, I am already pining for dinner. And I'm not really hungry... just wanting to make sure that I plan adequately for the evening meal. It happens this way when theBean works her doubles - Tuesdays & Wednesdays - meaning we fend for ourselves. Not that we aren't capable re-heaters of the delicacies known as Left Overs, but everything is better with theBean. If you've met her, you know what I'm speaking of...

Talking with Chum today about life & stuff... like we normally do 1 or 2x/week. Don't know where I'd be without the steadying, consistent encouragement & friendship of that guy.

Got on the topic of Old Dead Guys - people we like to read - A.W. Tozer came up... Got to talking on the topic of leading within the context of church, & one of Tozer's quotes:

A true and safe leader is likely to be one who has no desire to lead, but is forced into a position of leadership by the inward pressure of the Holy Spirit and the press of external situations. Further, I believe it might be accepted as a fairly reliable rule of thumb that the man who is ambitious to lead is disqualified as a leader."

That one really rings home for me - mostly because I don't aspire to be 'the pastor' - the leader, the guy in charge. Yet through circumstances & as Tozer says, "inward pressure of the Holy Spirit," I have consistently found myself in the spot where I'm holding the keys to the bus... Ok, guess its time to drive.

Led to discussion on Tozer's commentary... those who are ambitious to lead. Not sure if that person "gets" what leading is, cause if they did, would they have to try to make it happen?

Brings to mind:

Jesus said, “You know that in this world kings are tyrants, and officials lord it over the people beneath them. But among you it should be quite different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be the slave of all. For even I, the Son of Man, came here not to be served but to serve others, and to give my life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:42-45 NLT

And also:

FRODO: "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened."

GANDALF: "So do all who come to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us." Tolkien, Lord of the Rings

Hmmm.

coffee in the afternoon, & other musings...

2009-09-15T16:34:00.000-07:00

Maybe its a coping mechanism, but when I am noticed that certain days I crave coffee in the late afternoon. Its not the need for caffeine, because the decaf will do... its the smell of the brewing process, the taste of the 1st sip, the reassuring heat emanating from the ceramic cup. Sigh.

Took a spill last night in our softball teams' victory... lunging for a ball hit just beyond my reach, I landed on my left shoulder. Thought it came out of the socket... had brother PULL on the wrist to see if there was any give... nope. Just a jammed shoulder. Its ache-ey today. I will have to apply the Bio-Freeze.

I was taken off guard today by Baby Zoe. She was sitting in her little bouncy chair, as she usually is, but this time she had her eyes open. And she was looking at me. And when she noticed I was looking at me, she smiled & yelled for me, "Tay-tay, I want you to pick me up & play with me." (That last part about the yelling I'm PRETTY sure happened. Though no one else seems to have heard her do it... I did.)

The more time that passes, the more I am convinced that 3 of the really great Sci-Fi shows of all time were:

Stargate SG-1

Farscape

Star Trek: TNG

Others, like BSG, Star Trek, & even the other Star Trek off-shoots are good. Still, I can put in a DVD of one of my personal big 3 & watch it over & over.

That might say more about me & my longing for the old than it does about the new stuff. But I could be wrong.

Off to soccer with theWeez. Lucky us. We have a 6:15 p.m. game tonight instead of the 7:45 game that ends at 9:15. Sweet.

monday afternoon musings...

2009-09-14T14:21:00.000-07:00

Watched Pasty's football team last Friday - he played a phenomenal game, & was all over the field on defense. His team lost, mostly due to experiencing some bad breaks with turnovers, a couple fluke bounces, & then... some of the players 'quit'- just stopped trying hard. Looked like they just went into shock & stopped playing to the caliber that they are capable of. It was frustrating to watch, but even more for the Pasty who gives the proverbial 110% on every play & has never even thought the word "quit."

It made me wonder about other situations in life where people have gone through difficulty, adversity, hard stuff & have "quit." Like the quitting or removing themselves from the 'game' was the answer. Made a mental note or 10 to persevere.

Pasty turns 18 on Wednesday. Unbelievable. What a great lesson in how fast life goes.

With school starting & students all around me, I am feeling the pull to grad school stronger than ever. Not now. Not now. Maybe later.

Gym time is becoming harder & harder to carve out. Days are full & so are the evenings... my gym is ok (esp. treadmill #5,) but its 6 miles away, & its becoming more & more difficult to get to it. I've heard some rumblings about a gym on Disc & Vista...

Just finished reading this book. Really enjoyed it, & think you might too...

TheBean's new work schedule is awesome. Tuesday & Wednesday doubles, Thursday day, some Saturdays. Off Monday, Friday, & Sunday. Which means a day off together. Lucky me.

In case you didn't notice, the NFL season has begun. And none too soon.

I'm dreaming a lot more (or at least remembering them). Interesting stuff. And I don't think its the pizza, cause I'm not eating any. Maybe I'll write one up.

Had another reminder that words mean things. And how certain words are 'buzzwords' that provoke a strong response. And that coming up with a common definition may be the most helpful thing in a marriage, let alone a relationship. Goodness.

Double the fun - 2x the MNF tonight. Sa-weet!

BTW: the Over/Under for total fantasy football teams for me was 10. I came in JUST under. Thanks for playing.

the 1st day of school, & other monday morning musings...

2009-08-31T09:52:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of school for all 3 kids - Pasty is starting his senior year. IDoey is a freshman. TheWeez is off to 7th grade & Middle-School. Preparation for the day included everybody in bed, willingly & of their own accord, by 10 p.m. Lunches packed. Clothes washed, pressed & laid out. 3 mostly self-sufficient humans getting themselves together... nice.

And then this a.m., everyone up no later than 6. No real rushing - just the familiar sounds of Pasty downstairs with Mike & Mike, Weezer's hair dryer, & IDoey's humming. The inexplicable & matchingly liberal application of Axe Body Spray or Ralph...

The funny part is that we all ended up at the counter in the kitchen... with theBean, (starting her week off with a Day Off of Work,) willingly making breakfast ala "short-order-made-to-order.." What a site to see.

Then I realized that it was time for the kids to head out... & I flashed back across the 13 years of First Day of School that we've done.

Pasty's first day of pre-K at Seeliger with his little siblings jealous of his chance to get out of the house & go to PLAY.

Our first day of school upon our move to Sparks - mid-year of all times... Pasty was a good sport through a tough situation.

IDoey's first day of Kindergarten with Mrs. Martin.

The day that all 3 kids finally went to school together.

Pasty's move to Jr High, then High School. Then IDoey's.

And now Weez is out of elementary & into the world of 12 going on 25...

I wanted to get them to pose for a picture, but I couldn't find the words. They were stuck in my throat behind a big lump. My eyes were swimming & I found that all I could really do was sit & look at them in their morning routine.

Coffee helped compose me, & I finally eeked the words out - & asked the 3 kids to pose by the stairs. Without a word of complaint, they did, & went into the familiar routine of goofy silliness that characterizes & lets steam off of such moments. Let me take several pictures even.

And then off.

Sigh.

musings on a Slow Saturday...

2009-08-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

I'm functioning on EST pretty well - getting to bed by 10 or 11, usually rolling out about 8. Last night, I hit the sack a little earlier & the next thing I knew, I awoke to the sounds of falling rain. No thunder that I could hear, just the regular rhythm of rain on the pavement outside... if I wasn't on the ground floor (out of 3 levels) perhaps I'd be talking about rain on the roof, which is one of my favorite sounds... & it was 9:45 in the a.m.

A part of my brain kicked in, knowing that 9:45 is LATE & there must be SOMETHING that needs to happen, something I need to do, a place to go... as the sleepy haze left, I once again realized that today is Slow Saturday - & day with Nothing on the agenda, the day of my week where I intentionally scheduled Nothing. I was roused from my thought by the beeping of the coffee pot finishing its brew cycle. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the coffee pot letting me know it is done... only thing cooler would be if it said, "Hey. Finished!"

Reading a lot, with lots of interruptions for thinking. A conversation I had with Chuck yesterday has been circling my brain - perhaps not so much in what was said in the conversation, but in the WHERE the conversation led to in my thoughts...

What keeps coming up is Proverbs 27:6 Wounds from a friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

I'm thinking on friendship - the kind of true friendship Proverbs addresses - the kind of friend that will stick with you through thick & thin, in good & bad - who wants the best for you - who sticks up for you if others run you down when you're not around - who can genuinely be happy for you when something good happens to you, & who grieves with you in your pain.

And mostly, I'm thinking about how a friend, a good, true friend - will speak the truth in love - & be willing to say something that is hard to hear - to act as a 'mirror' - reflecting the truth of the matter, what they see & observe when so many others would cover over, ignore, &/or turn their head away.

I think in principle we want that kind of friend, but in reality, its easier to respond poorly to them - to deny, discount, &/or reject what they're saying - to go on the defensive & pour out the excuses why the things they are mentioning are Not My Fault... maybe more often, we go on the offensive, & take shots at them - getting on a High Horse & lobbing verbal grenades at the one who would Dare to say such things to us. Even if its just them reflecting what they see.

I think that it takes a lot of humility to be able to receive correction - & trust, that the person speaking really does love me, & isn't just pointing out faults to belittle me &/or to make themselves 'bigger.' That they want the best for me. That the 'wounds' they've given are more truthful & more important to me being able to grow & develop into the person I want to be than all the deceptive, pandering, & disingenuous 'kisses' of an enemy...

On more than 1 occasion, I've been on the receiving end of rebuke, correction, & reflection - & every time, it was tough to hear - but in retrospect, I prefer going through each of those difficult talks, & having to really, really work through stuff, than I would have wanted them to say nothing, or worse, tell me that what they saw wasn't So Bad, esp. compared to Some.

Sigh.

It seems to me that the alternative of self-justification, self-righteousness, & pride aren't worth it.

I want to have real friends, & also to BE a real friend. Especially when its tough.

Finished my LOTR Extended Version marathon. Still cry at when Sam & Frodo are alone on the rock, surrounded by liquid hot Mag-Ma. Maybe it's the Frodo/Sam friendship that has been a part of provoking these musings as well. Hmm.

I saw love...

2009-08-20T10:17:00.000-07:00

I saw love...

Last week, I decided to be proactive & deal with my soon-to-expire drivers license. Brother told me what Tom had told him – waiting in line FOR-ever at the Galletti NV-DMV is over-rated… so he told me about the NV-DMV Commercial license renewal place thingy on E. Greg. Evidently, the word on the street is that the Commercial Drivers License place also does REGULAR license renewals for Rubes like me. Even better, Brother had spent a total of 15 minutes in the place & finished all the business one could ever want to finish. Ahhh. Sounds like my kind of place.

Found it. And let’s just say it was a leettlle bit busier that when Tom & Brother had been there. Waiting room had 10 people in it, (which I know is still less than Galletti on an average day,) so I went to the cool, “Take A Number” station, pulled Lucky 403, & found a seat. And waited.

I hadn’t brought any of my normal time passers with me (books, chocolate, portable coffee, or wasser mit kohlensäure) so I went into introspection mode, which unfortunately lasted only about 37 seconds. Done with that, so I decided to look around the room & ‘observe’ the other individuals that were sharing the space that I had mistakenly assumed would be empty.

A couple in the waiting area caught my eye – it was the worried look on her face, & the hushed but strong tones they were speaking in. If I had to guess how old they were, I’d have said 50, but it was hard to tell, because it appeared that they had both lived ‘hard’ lives… you know what I mean… the years had etched themselves into their countenance, leaving visible marks from grief, disappointment, & hardship. Other signs – clothes: a worn & grubby sundress… workman’s shirt, jeans, & boots that had seen much better days… the tell-tale yellowish residue on skin & hair from smoking too many packs of cigarettes for too long, resulting in the visible affects that your mom warned you would happen if you smoked all your life. The woman looked a bit like I remember my Grandma Ramona looking…

I watched from the corner of my eye as their communication became more animated – it became apparent that the woman was scared… she had to take a vision test for her license renewal, & it was obvious she didn’t think she’d pass it. The anxiousness & worry became more pronounced as she got closer to her turn at the vision-apparatus. The man touched her arm gently & made “Shushing” noises… not the “be quiet” ones, but the kind you make to comfort a crying baby.

Her body stiffened when her number was called; she sat in the chair in front of the machine, & he sat next to her, his hand on her back. She took the test & passed. She was relieved. Now to get the picture for the new license.

They walked together to the area where the new pictures would be taken – she was self-conscious – I saw her look disapprovingly at herself, her clothes, & run her fingers through her hair – the signs of sadness, not wanting to get her picture taken.

The man pulled something out of the back pocket of his work pants. It was a hair brush – making the same, reassuring “Shushing” noises, he turned her towards him & began to gently, carefully, brush her long hair. After a couple of minutes of this, he put the brush away & with great care arranged her hair behind her ears, pulled back a bit from her face. And as she was called to the picture taking station, he put one hand on her chin, gazed into her eyes, & quietly said, “You are so pretty.”

The eyes that had been downcast, preoccupied, & self-conscious glimmered & sparkled with the confidence that comes from being loved by someone, that comes by choosing to believe that what you’ve just heard is the God’s honest truth. She sat & smiled for her picture, then arose, took the man’s hand, & they walked out together.

I saw love... & it touched me...

the world as I remember it...

2009-08-19T06:24:00.001-07:00

Time passes. A blink, & POOF...

Tuesday morning thoughts...

2009-08-18T06:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a travel day - making my way to CSR, Virginia, & the East... the flight I had to get on to start the day was at 6 in the morning... which of course means that one needs to arrive at the airport & through security by 4:50 a.m... this is really hard to do if one awakes at 5:00 a.m. Oops. It was funny to run around crazy, (a very calm, controlled crazy, don't you know?) & be out of the house by 5:07. Silly me. TheBean was great & even got extra snacks together for me on the way out of the house.

Got to the airport at 5:25 (I'm actually married to the Transporter, so as long as I pay attention to her rules, she will get me where I need to be, no questions... :)

Inside, the United desk had closed the registration for my opening flight, & were explaining to a couple of people (increasingly loud & frustrated people) that if they had just been there ON TIME to register & check their bags, this wouldn't be happening. (Which, I must point out, is pretty obvious - but also not on the approved list of saying for "Grumpy People Handling 101.." I made my way up to the counter, shot up a quick prayer for favor - & the attendant checked my info & my bag. I told her I was late, & that I thought I'd still be able to make it to the flight. She smiled. I also told her "These are not the droids you're looking for," & "My bag will be hand placed onto the plane by the Miles Davis of bag handlers..." I got to my gate & my boarding group hadn't been called...

Went through Denver, on to Chicago, & then to Roanoke, VA on a leeetttle jet that you'd fly on the SF to Reno flight...

Waited at the baggage claim for my bag... & there it was. Thank you Jesus - here's to prayer & Jedi mind tricks, my very own woman driver, self-control, & keeping a good attitude in the middle of chaos.

Now it's Tuesday & I'm slowly navigating onto E.S.T.

Brought coffee from home - & watched it brew at 0 Dark:30... the coffee maker has a "Stronger Brew" button. I don't know if it does anything, but I pressed it 11 times. It's like having an amp that goes to "11," because making "10" louder just isn't enough. "11" provides the extra "umph."

Comfy bed, nice office space, & quiet. It is green outside, which is nice to look at from INSIDE. Weather forecast says thunder showers. Hoping it can hold off a bit, as I've got tickets to the Salem Red Sox game this evening...

Meeting with Chuck today for lunch & talks, then nothing on the agenda save a trip to Walmart & maybe to the Starbucks on the edge of the VaTech for reading, good java, & people watching. The students are coming back for the fall in droves, which means this place is hopping with Hokies.

Ahh.

Thursday evening blogging while I'm waiting for my next cab-fare...

2009-08-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

I’ve been counting down for the last 12 weeks… & I’m down to double digits. Monday, I’m off to the Center for Spiritual Renewal in Christiansburg, VA – where theBean & I went last year. This year, I’m flying solo for a 7 day rest, renewal, counseling, & solitude trip. Can’t wait. I’m planning on reading, going to a couple of baseball games (Salem Red Sox), & hanging out on the fringes of the Virginia Tech (VT) campus – there are tons of good eateries & loitering spots that I plan to occupy. Hmmm. Can’t wait.

Stop & go driving in the heat is most likely my least favorite thing these days… seems like with the schedules that we’re keeping, I am trying to enjoy it & make the most of my transit time. To Golden Eagle. Church. To Reed High. Home. Repeat.

So I try to make it so that I’ve always got a Speech on mp3 to listen to – I’ve taken to loading my phone to make my solo time in the car “listening time.” It’s good… but I’ll take highway driving hands down.

Both boys are in ‘double-days’ for football right now – meaning – they have 2 practices a day for the next 10 days – helmets & shorts until Monday, then lots of hitting in full pads to get ready for Week 1 of the 2009 season. Go Pasty. Go IDoey…

Just got a new paperback copy of Lord of the Rings for my trip – I hope it smells good. I love the smell of a good book. Isn’t that viert?

I love the coolness of the evenings lately – very nice. Now THIS is the Nevada I know.

TheBean has had a turn or 3 with “positional vertigo.” Thanks to Christine the Gifted Ear Doctor & the Mighty Hand & Outstretched Arm of the LORD, she is up & about, walking in straight lines again.

I thought Ellie was small, then I saw Ellie’s cousin, my nephew Trevor… He is small. Then I saw Baby Zoe – now SHE is really small. And she makes the same ‘Weezy” noises that gave my Weezer her nickname. I wonder if there’s something in the girly DNA in the fam…

New shoes. Nike Sparq (with an Q!) Which of course makes them eXXXXXXtra cool. And boy can I run fast & jump higher than ever.

Sometimes all a man needs is a tortilla filled with cheese. After its been heated in a pan, of course.

Its funny to me that incredibly terrible movies keep coming out every week, & people keep lining up to go see them, as though somehow its required to do so. Goodness. Not even free popcorn with butter all ov-ah could get me to the theatre... Oh, for a Hitchock classic. Like “Notorious.”

School starts up again for us in just a couple of weeks - & all 3 of the kiddos will be out of the house, M-F, by 7 a.m. That’s not late, no, no, it’s earl-ay, earl-ay…

And on that note, what ever happened to the Spin Doctors?

I’m interested to see how the whole “Michael Vick is back in the NFL” will be playing out in Blacksburg & the VT campus…

More & more I find myself singing little songs that I have made up, somewhere, sometime, for some reason. And I find myself… amused. And the best part is that the iPhone now has a Voice Recorder just in case I generate a gem that I can send to Jack’s Big Music Show or to the Wiggles (if the Wiggles are still around. Must check into that…)

Over/under for the number of fantasy football teams I will have this fall = 10. Currently, I’m taking the “under.”

sunday afternoon musings...

2009-08-02T17:45:00.001-07:00

it was only 17:45 when I started this post, so it does technically qualify as "afternoon" still. As I type, the rain is falling lightly, while rays of sun still manage to find their way through the scattered gray clouds. Truly wonderful. I could get lost in the sky... & I say to myself, "What a wonderful world..."

I wish I would have appreciated Johnny Cash's music more before he died. Seems like whatever mood I happen to be in, I find myself choosing his library more & more often... esp. "Walk The Line."

Really enjoying the virtual perusing of art galleries - learning the difference between the impressionists & expressionists, & all kinds of other things. I think that I'm going to try to prioritize more in-person viewing. Even if its not the Louvre.

On that note, I could look at Starry Night for a year.

And one of the reasons I love Marc Chagall's paintings so much is that they remind me of my friend theMoses. Esp. this one. I love Moe's work.

I hit a wall this morning. Not a literal wall; I reached my social interaction overload & recognized a desperate, crying need to get recharged... And just how does an introvert recharge? Sitting on the couch with the Pasty. Hanging incognito with IDoey & Pasty at the Nike Factory Outlet at Legends. Good times. Now I'm sitting on the porch watching the rain fall, & I'm the only one home. Enjoying A Fine Frenzy. (which you should give a listen to when you get a chance. Man. I'm switching back & forth between that & Regina Spektor's new one.

Shouldn'ta waited so long to recharge. Good reminder.

Sometimes it feels like the expectations of others are a weight... even when you're not trying to meet those expectations... if they're not a weight, they're at least a large object in the room that has to at least be acknowledged.

Kona Coffee IS all its been cracked up to be. Thanks for the bag Debi. You looked absolutely beautiful in your dress yesterday, by the way. I'm so proud of you, Squirrel.

Perseverance at a good thing is very enjoyable... especially when the 'return' starts to show. Love it.

SECRET DREAM: I want to be the old guy in the church, the guy in his 60s, 70s, & 80s that people call "Grampa" - I want to be faithful & growing in my life & in my relationship with Jesus & with others up to the last breath I have on earth. I want to be a living, breathing example of God's goodness, faithfulness, & mercy - a tangible reminder that trusting God & following Him with one's decisions & actions has great & long-lasting results. And I will trim my ear & nose hair regularly. And will probably still be wearing my hoops.

And I want to be "Opa" in Deutschland too.

It will happen.

My birthday is "National Talk Like a Pirate Day." Who'd a thunk it? Aargh.

Temperature is supposed to "drop" into the low 90s this week. Sah-WEEET. Here's to cooler days!

The smell of rain in the air is a happy smell to me. Right up there with fresh coffee. And Shorties Blueberry Cobbler Candles. She's local - & makes the BEST candles ever. Mmmm.

the demise of #5...

2009-07-20T06:52:00.000-07:00

This is a note about the demise of #5, the treadmill pictured at left that is having issues with her speed system. I took this picture in the hopes that she'll rebound soon. This is the story of how I came to love #5.

I've never been much of a "runner" - meaning that working out for me has always meant weights, some cardio (jump-rope, ellipticals, etc.) & whatever sport I happened to be playing at that time. There have been a couple of exceptions - when I was going into 7th grade, i reaaaaallly wanted to drop weight so that I could play in a lower football division (back in the days of Pop Warner weight class based leagues,) so I ate lots of salad & ran around the block several times a day. It worked. I also picked up the habit of eating my salads without any dressing on them; further, I had a hard time with the whole "eating lettuce with a fork," so I would just pick it up & eat it. Still do.

I also like to run to clear my head - so when things would get noisy in there, I'd go for a run through the streets around my house - often at night. At some point, I found that I really liked the solitude of running, the night air, & being able to wear one of those cool Neon Yellow Vests so that I wouldn't be invisible to vehicles... still, running was really only done sporadically.

Then something changed - a few years ago, a group of friends started training for a marathon - using the Galloway method, I found that I could run a lot longer & farther than I'd ever been able to before. I was able to go 10K no problem... only to find that my surgically repaired right knee (& the 2 pins in it) didn't like the distance running... & would let me know about it. Being heavier than I wanted to be also put stress on my hips, knees, & ankles, from the pounding on the streets & sidewalks.

I didn't end up running the marathon (made it to a 1/2 marathon,) but I kept running - & as long as I kept my distance at about 3-5 miles a couple of times a week, my body seemed to recover well.

I lost some weight (about 3.5 stones) & got used to running the streets about 5 times a week... this last March, the combination of running & playing softball 2x/week left me feeling it in my hips, knees, & ankles again. I missed running & didn't want to stop, so I started running on the treadmill at my gym... & after the learning curve (the process of learning to walk then run on the treadmill without holding onto the rails,) I came across #5. I'd tried several other treadmills & they all had issues - they were poorly placed in respect to the TV that was tuned to ESPN (see photo at right) - others wre always dirty, or made too much noise for my tastes; a couple would wildly fluctuate their speed & buck like a bronco (I was only thrown twice...)

#5 didn't have any of those issues - just kept on going, doing her thing. Always clean, always under the TV tuned to ESPN, never bucking. Soft cushion met every step, allowing me to run as often as I wanted. Not outside, but in the cool of the gym, running in place, thinking on everything & nothing. It became a date - if I went to the gym to run, it was always on #5...

And then there was Wednesday - I was at the end of a 5K. Literally as I took the last couple of strides before my cool down, #5 abruptly seized up & ground to a stop. There was a subtle humming noise... a message appeared: "CHECK SPEED SYSTEM." I tried to do a reset. No response. NO! #5, come back.

I reported the message to The Powers That Be in hopes that #5 will be up & running again soon. And until then, I'm giving #8 & #15 a try.

Sigh.

wednesday, squirrels, & other things...

2009-07-15T13:43:00.001-07:00

Had a gray squirrel sighting this a.m. while on my way for the Preliminary Cup of Java. Don't see too many squirrels in my neighborhood. Wonder if it has to do with the proliferation of coyotes... I've seen a bunch of coyotes running up Disc Dr., though they look a lot more gaunt than the one in the picture...

Just listened to a really thought provoking message on the Book of Job & addressing 'suffering' - John Goldingay, Professor of Old Testament at Fuller Theological Seminary... great accent too.

TheBean & I are getting ready to go on a double date with Matty & Nikki C... headed to the Tide for wings & a frosty beverage to combat the blistering sun & to quench a king's thirst... as soon as she gets home... I'm not a fan of waiting-age.

Is it time for football season yet?

It cracks me up when theBean moves stuff from one room to another. And back again. And forth. Once upon a long time ago, I may have even tried to understand it, but mere mortals like myself can't hope to comprehend the greatness & genius of such masters of design & arrangement.

I think its a shame that home field advantage for the World Series is decided by the outcome of the All-Star game. If THEY are going to insist on continuing this (& according to Bud Selig, they are,) then a couple rules about the All-Star game should be done away with, like:

The mandatory "every team gets represented" rule - meaning that at least 1 player from every team has to make the All-Star team. Instead, let the players & managers pick the team & the reserves - so that deserving players don't stay home just to make sure every team is represented.

Fans don't vote in starters - I'm all for removing the fan vote 100% - & again, let the managers, coaches, & players vote/select the players that make the team.

Treat it like a real baseball game - let the bestest players play, & the bestest pitchers pitch. Instead, the game looks like Simpson's episode - with most player appearances amounting to no more than a cameo...

There's more, but that would be a start. Now, if baseball would just adopt the same rules for both leagues, that would be fantastic...

Self-cooling socks would be a great invention.

We are officially running late for our double date...

I am content. Ahhh.

learning stuff & other thoughts...

2009-07-13T13:35:00.000-07:00

This past Friday & Saturday evenings, I participated in the Hillside Learning Community DVD 'conference' on Healthy Living by Joyce Meyer. It was the brainchild of theBean - get together with friends, eat, & watch/listen/learn. I'm glad I went - here are a few of my 'take-aways:'

Sometimes, I can do something that I know is wrong (or at least not helpful) & I expect that God is going to step in & bail me out of the consequences of my choices. And I get mad because of it.

Its easier to blame God, the devil, & other people for bad stuff happening in my life than it is to look at my own choices, action/inaction, thoughts & behaviors as potential causes for what I'm going through.

When theBean claps her hands, it really hurts my right ear... its REALLY sensitive. She was an active clapper & participant in the conference, so on Day 2 she moved to another table so she could clap all she wanted to. And she did.

Sin is a terrible teacher.

I don't think she talked about it, but it was reinforced that pride is a killer - & that God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

On that note, humility, & humbling oneself is preferable to being humbled.

The thing that rises up in me to try to talk me out of an area of obedience to God is my flesh. No matter how it gets dressed up, explained away, or given a nice label. It's just flesh. And I'm supposed to crucify it.

I love learning. Makes me miss school. Just a little.

Ellie says "Bommo" when I point to my Joshua Tree picture in my office. Makes an uncle so proud. She really liked "Mysterious Ways" today too.

Two words: Gordon Biersch

I'm on a tortilla craving kick... Hmmm. Yesterday it was chili n cheese in the tortilla. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Ever heard the saying, "You find what you look for."? Makes me wonder about the uncanny ability of some to find issues, problems, difficulties, etc. And the willingness (need?) to articulate the negativity anytime, anywhere.

Makes me wonder just what I'm looking for... I'm thinking that I'm going to choose to look for where I see good... & God at work in & around me.

Its a start.

blasting through memories about fasting...

2009-07-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

Oprah fasted... not for Jesus but for weight control..

I used to think that fasting was an activity that was intended to gets God's attention. A way to shout with ones actions: "Hey! Look at me! I'm not eating, & its for you!" I may have even believed that it was transactional... not that I'd have ever spoken the words out loud, but there was a thought, however small, that would say, "Ok God. Since I am fasting, You HAVE to do what I am praying for. Have to. I am doing my part. Now its Your turn."

Something about the 'spiritual-ness' of fasting used to make me want to make sure that I slipped it into conversation, something that would kind of get mentioned in passing... its not that I was going all "woe is me hypocrite" on anyone... its just that I found ways & means to happen to be places where my lack of eating would be observed.

I tried to fast once a week, Tuesdays. Which meant Monday nights at 11:50 p.m., I was loading up a plate or 3, just to make sure that I wouldn't be passing out from hunger on my 'fast day.' During what would normally have been meal-times on 'fast-days,' I tried to pray - which often meant I tried not to think about eating. Kept having to corral my runaway mind, & to try not to pay attention to my stomach which seemed to be flipping over in a complaint at not having been paid attention to.

A guy that I knew got really into fasting... at meal time he'd just read his Bible & pray... he got a bit carried away with it, so much so that over a period of 3 months, he dropped about 50 pounds... pounds that he couldn't afford to give up. In talking with him later, he told me that somehow he had reasoned to himself that if God likes it when we fast, then he was going to make God really happy with him.

That put me over the edge. Got tired of acting like I understood this - so I tried to study up on it; read through every passage that mentions fasting in the Bible. Talked to people, asking questions. Read books.

What I found out is that people are all over the map in their understanding about fasting... that a lot of people see it the way I used to...its a way to twist God's arm, to play the trump card that He can't ignore.

And what I think I came to understand about fasting is that its not that at all - instead, as a 'personal practice,' its about humility - humbling myself - a reminder that my stomach is not the boss of me. That I don't live by bread alone. And that the reality of the situation was, i was keeping God at arms length & trying to impress Him (& others) with superficial 'stuff' - behaviors & conversations that never went beyond the surface, focusing mostly on my own needs & my own will.

I wanted it to be different.

Isaiah 58 was insightful. And helpful. So was Daniel..

something I came across this morning while waiting for lunchtime to get here...

2009-07-07T11:22:00.000-07:00

This morning, I came across these Survey results... I'm a sucker for surveys - even more for stuff having to do with God & church & stuff...

For "Unchurched" People - top reasons for choosing a church are:

Pastor/the preaching

Doctrine

Friendliness of others

For "Church Attenders" - top reasons are:

Doctrine/theology

People caring for each other

Preaching

What keeps previously "Unchurched" people in a church?

Involvement

Sunday School (Kids program)

Obedience to God

The survey wrangler sums it the findings by saying that the doctrine, pastor, friendliness of people, & the fellowship are the most important things, across the board...

What do you think? What has made you choose/unchoose your church?

The things that most surprised me from the survey was that the bottom two responses under the "Why do unchurched people choose a church?" were "Worship Style/Music" & "Location." I guess I'm surprised because most of the prevailing ideas I've been exposed to within the church (see the little 'c') & in the stream of church would have emphasized both of these... with the Worship Style/Music being at or near the top.

Makes me wonder - are these 'prevailing ideas' (& I'm using those words from now on with 'quotes' around them,) just figments in the imaginations of people who are responsible for worship in these churches over-estimating the importance & significance of that part of the church service? Like somehow the music part is a 'make or break' item... & because I have my own issues, preferences & involvement, somehow, someway I drank the Kool-aid (or at least was exposed to the Purple Drank) to think that the worship style/music would be more important to others.

Maybe its that people are more concerned with relationships - being accepted & connecting... along with being able to understand & identify with the teaching... & that its not heretical. Or maybe its just these respondents...

For me, I've never chosen a church to go to really - I've always wanted to, but church has usually been something that has chosen me... if that makes any sense.

Over the years, theBean & I have visited a couple of churches in town - not so much to 'check them out' but just to go "BE" somewhere anonymously. I'd like to pretend that I didn't care that people didn't talk to me (& I even had my "Hi, I'm really trying" face on.) Or that we seemed to (felt like?) we/I? stood out like sore thumbs... thumbs that seemed to have very interesting people all around & behind them... it must have been, because everyone I/we walked by seemed to be on their way to talk with those around us.

I haven't really thought about those "visiting other places" experiences for a long time, probably because we haven't been 'out & about' for a while... but reading the survey & thinking about looking for a church stirred up all kinds of thoughts & feelings... emotions even. Maybe I'll write a bit about that later...

cleaning the freezer & other musings on a Monday...

2009-07-06T18:16:00.001-07:00

I'm not pregnant, but I'm nesting. Went through the pantry with theBean. Swept it. Through away stuff with shelf life that ended in 2007. Truly.

Went through the refrigerator. Ditto. Found a milk carton, (MILK!) that expired in December 2008. Ouch. Never even saw it. Found some food that Julia made. (Yes the Julia that went back to Deutschland in February...) Nice. (NOTE: This doesn't reflect on anyone's personal cleaning habits... it's just a blog, man.)

Today, I decided to tackle the freezer, since theBean was headed for Shift #2 on the day. Went through the freeze-dried foods, the unwrapped icy-treats, & other stuff that one finds in the freezer. Then, I came across some Drumsticks. You know, that incredible tasty ice-cream treat that sits on a sugar cone, covered with quik-dry chocolate & peanuts?

Well, what I found were the 'heads' of the drumsticks. Turns out, the cones had all be eaten, & some kind soul had placed the drumstick heads back into the freezer for anyone that might want the leftovers.

So I did what anyone would do. I ate the chocolate off the ice-cream & put them back in the freezer. Silly us. :)

Went to the Hand Dr. for I-Doey. Got the stitches out. Looks good - like he'll be able to start in with his summer weights & football stuff tomorrow - just no contact drills for the next 3 weeks, at which time more X-Rays will be taken to check on the progress of young I-Doey's finger.

We're hoping, praying & believing for a complete recovery, without any of the finger-hypersensitivity that the Dr. said might be a possibility. Here's to healing. Woohoo!

According to my 2 oldest children, I may be showing signs of getting smarter. Or at least being smarter than they thought I was. I will update you on any more progress I make.

I'm ecstatic - the book re-release that I've been waiting for is finally here... Jerry Cook's classic, Love, Acceptance, & Forgiveness: Being Christian in a Non-Christian World came out last week. This has been one of the books that has most formed my outlook on life, the Church, & my view of God.

If you have never read it, by all means, get a copy & do so. If you have, get the re-release today. It is the classic you remember that has been brought up to date & made even better... its even got a 'study guide' included in the back.

On my second reading of the re-release today. :)

Thinking about how thankful I am that the Bible doesn't need to be updated.

I believe that we're on the brink of something large. A fundamental shift in the way we live, work together, & carry out life. Not trying to come up with the Next Big Thing, but rather trying to cooperate with what I believe are the doors that are opening in front of us.

New ways of doing my job - new roles, with other things not happening any more. Trusting that God has provided & will provide for what comes next. Thankful I don't have to have all the answers, but just do my part. And encourage others to do the same. Wherever they are. Cryptic enough?

I think I'll go eat some more chocolate off the Drumstick heads.

The co-opting of my day off & other musings...

2009-07-03T19:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I found out that today, Friday, was being treated as a 'holiday'... the 4th of July holiday. Mostly because the 4th falls on a Saturday this year. I guess people felt gipped by having a holiday on a day that many already have off. So, Friday becomes the holiday.

Normally this wouldn't be a surprise to me - on account of the fact that I usually pay attention a little better to the world going on around me... I'm not going to say it was the busy news week. Or a particularly busy time for me. I just missed it.

I'm off on Fridays anyway, so I celebrated my day off with more people than usual.

Hmmm. Makes me wonder. Do I feel gipped for having my day off co-opted by the "No Holiday On The Weekend" crew? Would an appropriate response for me have been to take Thursday off, so my regular day off, Friday, could have been spent as a Holiday day-off instead of as a regular day off? Or, since its too late for that, what about Monday?

Silly me...

musings on the 1st of July

2009-07-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

Let's just say that I've been a bit... deliberate in my blogging the last few weeks... meaning, its been slow. Not because there's nothing to blog about, (because, really, has that ever stopped me before,) but rather because I'm processing in my head. And I'm back, with an intent to bring the cheese.

Today is anniversary #20 of my marriage to theBean. When I think back through all the little 'coincidences' that led to us connecting that 3rd week of June, 1988, it boggles my mind. Perhaps I'll spend a little time revisiting the birth of our adventure.

I'm not much of a Destiny believer (meaning: there's 1 person out there for me & Destiny will bring us to-gev-uh...) which automatically identifies me as a "chick-flick hater" (not true: I'll watch 'em. Just don't buy into 'em.) And as a "non-romantic" (also not true: I may not be the Dr. of Love, but I have been known to be able to romance, wine, & dine my girl...)

However, there were more than a few 'what if's' that had to come together - when I was reminiscing about that with theBean, I asked her, "How could I get so lucky that you would love ME?" She said, "Hmm. Good question. You must've just been in the right place at the right time..." With a smile.

I was thinking about my life, & wondering if I would enjoy it if my job had a "summer break" - like my 3 kids do. Sometimes, the loads of free time, lounging around, doing whatever, whenever, however seems attractive. And then I realize that one of life's great joys is the ability to do something with purpose...

Mind you, I'm not talking about deriving my worth from work; instead, its knowing that my life matters. Being able to put my hands to something, to give my all & do my best plays a role in the feeling of contentment. I've been reading through Ecclesiastes & found something that sums that up for me:

Here is what I have seen to be and fitting: to eat, to drink, & enjoy oneself in all one's labor in which he toils under the sun during the few years of his life which God has given him; for this is his reward...Ecclesiastes 5:18 NASB

Perhaps the doldrums, depression, & discontent come from not having something to apply one's hands to? Not just a job, but a place to volunteer, help out, give of oneself. Hmmm.

Just booked my time at CSR for the 3rd week of August. Me & theBean spent some time there last year & it was life-changing. If you'd like to reminisce (I know I did!) you can check out the posts from last August HERE

Current reading list:

Love, Acceptance, & Forgiveness - the re-release by Jerry Cook. Sweet. It just came out, & I can't put it down.

Mother Kirk - by Douglas Wilson - a study in practical ecclesiology (the study of church doctrine,) in the reformed tradition... Hmmm.

The Mishnah - though I'm using it more as a resource & research book rather than reading through it cover to cover...

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality - Peter Scazzero - revisiting this in advance of my solo August journey to CSR...

Time to go work out. Then home to shower, put on my foo-foo clothes, & out to dinner (which will be, most likely a slab of beef,) with my One, myBean, the love of my life, mother of my children, most B-E-A-Utiful woman in the entire world...

Sigh.

whew...

2009-06-27T15:53:00.000-07:00

I was at my 14 year old son's baseball game, City Tournament don't you know, reading, waiting for it to start. All the players were running through their warmups, taking groundballs, playing soft-toss, the usual preliminaries...

I was jerked from my book world with the calling of my name. My son was walking towards me, holding his right hand with his left, gingerly... like when he was small & had an owie... I (calmly) ran over to him to see what was up - well, it turns out that what was up was he had taken a bad hop grounder off of the tip of his middle finger... and it was bleeding...

Upon closer examination & in conferring with one of his coaches, I could see that his fingernail was sitting at a 45 degree angle... & that there seemed to be something wrong with the end of his finger... but we couldn't see it through the blood.

I'm solo at the game, glad I'm there, but now wrestling with the fact that now I have to parent, & to make tough decisions. No panic. Banish worry. Be calm. Pray for peace.

We have to go to the ER, just in case this is more than just a busted nail. Which hospital?

My mind raced... called our insurance carrier in the car... driving towards the nearest hospital with a hope that I wouldn't have to pass it by & go somewhere else. Didn't. Hoped for an empty waiting room. Yes.

Went through triage, (can't see anything because of the blood,) & saw a doctor within 1 hour (a personal record for me & mine for ER trips.) X-rays. Answers.

The tip of the finger is broken off (open distal phalanx fracture) & bone is protruding from the fingertip, through the flesh. Dr. wants a game plan.

Clean it. Stitches. Reset. Split. More Xrays.

Everything went according to the game plan. Thank you Jesus.

Next up, due to the severity of the break, we're off to a hand specialist to see if surgery will be required to repair the finger. Unknown.

Today, I sit at my desk, a card table in my room really, & ponder the thoughts that flood my mind, & fight for attention. The feeling of powerlessness that washes over me watching my son in pain, lots of pain. Worry about the unknown: will it heal right? WIll he need surgery? What will it cost?

I think back upon the ride over to the game, where we prayed for him for peace. Confidence. Strength. Thinking it was for the baseball game. Revisiting the hours in the ER where he recalled our prayer & laughed at the irony of how our evening ended up, & that the answers to prayer looked a lot different than him trying to hit a baseball.

Facing my own fears. Inadequacies. Powerlessness. But not living or acting out according to how I feel or how things seem to be... rather, trusting & choosing to trust that God is in control, & is near. Not that He's ever far, but the sense of His being "WITH" us is tangible.

Surprises...

2009-06-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

There's lots of things in the world that I don't understand. I've just found another one.

Yesterday, a priority mail package arrived. Looked like something I'd get from Amazon if I'd ordered a book... but this was from ATT. Hmm. Wonder what they could be sending?

After opening the package, I discovered 3 things:

Turns out, due to a glitch in the ATT computer billing system, 1 member of our family has had their phone bill separated from the rest of the "ATT Family Plan"

This is I-Doey's bill, covering his phone line. It is 262 pages long.

It has 14,114 reasons why we chose to go with the 'unlimited texting' plan. 14,114. Texts. 1 person. 1 month. Or, 470 per day.

Truly, right now, I have no response.

2009-06-15T13:47:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite breakfast places is the Squeeze In. It offers all the usuals for breakfast, the biggest omelette menu selection I've ever seen, & lunch stuff too. Lately, I've been looking for excuses to eat there, & my recent favorite is a #7 - 3 eggs, double bacon, all the cheeses, & nacho cheese on top. Yum.

Its a locally owned restaurant, with a laid back feel - so laid back that they not only permit but encourage people to write on the walls.

This Sunday, I was downing my #7, & I heard a conversation going on at the table behind me - a conversation about church. This kinda stuff always catches my ear, & I love to hear what people are saying, talking about, processing on the topic of church... especially when I can do it incognito.

Let's just say that the couple at the table must have had a bad experience or 10 - but their summation was that they were SO glad that they hadn't "wasted" their day at church, but instead had "Squeezed In"... They shared their thoughts with the waitress, & before they left, wrote on the wall. After they vacated their table, I went over & took a picture of what they'd written: (see the picture at right - "Omelettes are better than church.")

Made me sad. Made me wonder the specifics of their situation. What they'd endured, suffered, &/or caused... If it was the result of a drive-by, a big blow-up, or a long-term fizzle...

Led to lots of thoughts about faith -& about growing up, putting it into practice. Thoughts about "faith sabotage" - something that is done to ourselves or done by another, undermining a foundation. The role of discouragement, frustration, fear & lies in the undermining of faith. Boring church meetings, spoken in a language that makes the goings on of the day inaccessible to beginners &/or the uninitiated...

Sigh.

weathering...

2009-06-11T14:19:00.000-07:00

With it raining just about every afternoon & evening, coupled with the 5 nights/week of sporting events, we have had ample opportunity to experience the extremes in weather.

One night this week, our team, (sponsored by Armor Plate Ink,) had a softball game - it was pouring, raining horizontally (thank you Nevada wind!) But it wasn't sooo bad. The grass got soaked (as did we,) the softballs were slick with the water, the dirt infield became just a bit muddy... but we were able to play on & make it through all 6 1/2 innings of the game. The storm was a good one, but we were able to play through it.

Another night this week, thePastyOne was out at Mackay Stadium for UNR football camp with his team. And it was raining. When I say raining, what I mean is that more water was coming down from the sky at one time than I have ever seen in my whole life (& I was in a hurricane in Georgia in 1994). The magnitude & scope of the storm was such that they actually stopped the practice/scrimmaging & cancelled for the evening. There had been some debate about trying to tough it out & play through the mess, but the combination of thunder & lightning (very, very frightening?) made the decision to cancel an easy one.

I love the rain. Don't go away for long...

rain down...

2009-06-03T16:14:00.000-07:00

I was talking to the kids yesterday during our most recent downpour... just soaking in (literally) the smell of the rain, which is one of my favorite smells in the whole world (next to the purple meets cotton candy fragrance that theBean wears.) One of them said, "Dad, all this rain isn't NORMAL, is it?"

Thought about it for a minute & answered: "Nope. But I'm not complaining. Let's enjoy it while its here..." And we are.

Made it to & through Convention/Connection unscathed. Convicted. Challenged. Loved by friends & fam. Blessed with a surprise trip to Disneyland, my favorite place to go ever (right next to minor-league baseball parks...) But unscathed. Maybe a little larger in the soul. I'm believing for it.

Just passed the time of year when I'd normally be in Frankfurt for my Spring visit to our sister church - this year's visit will have to wait until November. I'm missing friends.

Don't know if its all the sitting last week that aggravated a stiff back, or something else... but I've been having intermittent back spasms up & down since last Friday. No buono... Which is why I go see Dr. G, & then things feel better. Less twisty, that's for sure.

I don't have a map. Or a blueprint. Lost them a few years ago, back in the days when I was a lot smarter than I am now, & knew what I was going to do & how I was going to do it. Got reminded of that last week.

By the way... don't tell my 3 kids - It only looks like I'm winging this whole "dad" thing because... I am.

Jesus! Help me!

In the next few days, I'll be painting over a mural that has got painted in my office in April 2000. Its time for change. I'm thinking a Tolkien theme. Or at least, I am going to hang my now homeless (room-less?) LOTR posters... because they can't stay where they are now. Sorry Frodo. Sam. Strider. But now you get to be with me in my office.

Either my feet are growing, or my shoes are shrinking.

I ate at The Cheesecake Factory 4 times while in Anaheim. Man, I can get used to that place, esp. the Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake. I dreamt about it last night. Truly.

On that note, I heard a rumor that the Reno/Sparks area (Scheels) will get one of those if the shops in the area can boost their annual sales to Cheesecake Factory standards. Oh please, oh please.

Reading through my Complete Jewish Bible, musing through Mishlei/Proverbs, pondering 17:17

A friend shows his friendship at all times - it is for adversity that {such} a brother is born.

The longer I live, the more I realize my need for friends - real friends who will stick with me, through thick & thin, in spite of my issues, who love me enough to tell me the truth & not just blow smoke...

love

2009-05-24T09:46:00.000-07:00

This afternoon theWeez & I are headed to Anaheim for our denominations convention - its an all week-er. My preparations for the trip have involved not only the usual packing issues like: "how small of a suitcase can I get away with packing in?" & "do I really need that many shirts?" but have also involved more introspection & self-examination than even I'm used to.

Sometimes people bug me - situations bug me - church people who can & do only talk about church bug me... going to convention provides opportunity to spend ample time doing all 3 of those things... & I want to have as little time around the source & cause of my supposed issues as possible.

And then in the middle of my 2nd pot of coffee, I realize that I need love...to freely give it the way I've received it. To see people as God sees them, not through jaded & selfish eyes. Not in the Bud-Light "I love you man" way either - but to love, authentically, consistently, & without measure.

So that's my prayer for today - LORD, fill me with your love. New eyes. Not focused just on me.

It's Thursday again, & I'm titling my posts after the days of the week again...

2009-05-21T13:45:00.000-07:00

The longer I live, the more I think that the whole "coloring inside the lines" thing is over-rated. Some of the best pictures I ever did didn't even have clear lines to color inside. Seems like life is a lot like that. Either the lines are in all the wrong places for where I think I'm supposed to color, or there's not any lines to give a reference point.

Oh well... pass the Violet & let's have at it.

I've got a spasm in my back, 1/2 way up on the left, which is turning out to be a big knot most of the time... The good Dr. G worked me over as if there were no ramifications for doing so, & then recommended a massage; esp. in light of the fact that next week is convention... er... Connection & the odds are decent that I'll be sitting in meetings & sessions & other things quite a bit. Any recommendations on a masseuse? I've gone one place & decided not to go back there...

Been listening to Green Day's newest. Interesting. Never been much of a fan, but based upon a recommendation, I thought I'd give it a spin (figuratively...) I've been going back & forth between it & NO LINE, & finding the combo to be very, very thought provoking...

Tuesday afternoon...

2009-05-19T16:23:00.000-07:00

Life has settled into a familiar rhythm... familiar for Spring that is. Spring football practice for Pasty. Baseball 3 nights a week for I-Doey. Soccer just around the corner for theWeez. Soffa-baru 2 nights for me. Sometimes the events are all at the same place. Hmmm.

It doesn't FEEL hectic... it just means that our 'free-time' is spoken for, & we get to hang with each other in a different environment than home. And on a beautiful Nevada evening, there's nothing better.

I'm a people watcher. Last night at I-Doey's game, I observed a mom with 4 kids in tow, probably between the ages of 3 & 10, 2 boys & 2 girls. She attempted, vainly, to get them to sit & watch the game. The 2 youngest (the boys) were all over the place, & were pretty active, even according to The scoey d Standard of Active-ness.

Finally, the seemingly frustrated mom got up & said in her best "momma ain't happy, so there ain't no one gonna be happy" voice:

All of you. Stop now! Come with me!

With all 4 kids in tow, mom obviously fired up, the youngest got a big smile on his face & asked her:

Mommy! Is this a privilege? Is this a privilege?

She was not amused.

But I sure was.

Today is my mom's birthday... & I'm musing on the fact that I am currently 10 years older than she is. Or will be. And the gap will grow.

I'm trying to gear myself up for a week away from theBean next week. While she is holding down the proverbial fort, I will be going to Anaheim for the yearly Foursquare Convention er... 'Connection'. It's the gathering for the denomination that our church family belongs to. Convention is called Connection because...

TheWeez is coming with... Lucky me. She just came out & declared her undying love & devotion for the Boston Red Sox of all teams. Fortunately, I know that she is just saying this due to her undying love & devotion that she has for a certain Red Sox fan who shall remain nameless.

The monastery that theMoses, Brother, & I went to in March 2008 supports itself with the proceeds they make off of the vineyard on their property. While we were there, we visited their wine shop for a tasting. Great vino...

So I joined their Wine Club. Next week, the 'spring shipment' comes out. Sweet. Should be here when I get back from Connection...

silly vandals...

2009-05-17T15:05:00.001-07:00

Last night, Pasty & I-Doey made their way to Coconut Bowl for some bowl-age...

They came out 2 1/2 short hours later to find that some miscreant had taken the liberty of bashing the back window of the Infamous Ex...

Post-church, I contacted the Coconut Bowl & reported the destruction (as the PastyOne had been too incensed to do it.) Then, I filed a PO-leece report with Sparks' finest...

Called & left a message with my car insurance dealer (no, I don't have Geico. Or Progressive. My insurance agent takes the weekends...)

Now, all we have to do is... wait.

It's interesting - the emotions that have been stirred up in my kids. Anger --> Rage. Disbelief. Disappointment. Disgust. Frustration. Sadness. And back again.

They want A Plan of Action. A Way for us to Stick It to the person (persons? perps?) that Perpetrated the vandalismo. Like somehow, Dad will know what to do, & how to locate the Violator(s). More interesting to me is the boiling over desire for Revenge. And you thought the Empire Struck Back! Just wait til lil Pasty gets going.

Talked about letting God be our defender & avenger. Not giving away peace. Being thankful it was Just a Window. Believing it.

Hmm...

Friday musings...

2009-05-15T10:01:00.000-07:00

I love pancakes, but I rarely eat pancakes. A few years ago, I discovered that the "I feel like I'm going into a coma" feeling that I'd get after slamming down a few was not something that everybody experienced... there is a name for it, but the jist of it is that my body doesn't do well at processing the mass quantities of sugar that syrup has in it...

Diet syrup isn't an option, so my method of 'dealing' with the reaction to pancakes (& a few other foods) has been to modify how I eat - drop the refined flours & sugars, high protein & complex carbs are the norm...

But I still like pancakes & will plot a couple of times per year to indulge... & make sure that I incorporate some high-protein food (usually sharp cheddar cheese) to eat before, during, & after the pancakes... it doesn't fully stop the coma-reaction, but it does curb it a bit...

So I plot, (the anticipation & waiting is almost as good as the actual eating,) & save up for Christmas/New Years Dutch Apple. The (formerly) 1x/semester Tri-Delta Pancake extravaganza. An occasional home-based celebration. I believe that it's time for a bacon stack... Let the preparations begin.

And ...here comes the sun.... Looks like the weekend is finally bringing temperatures in the 80s & 90s. Ahhhh.

Currently reading:

The Hobbit.

Alien Encounters.

The Mishnah.

The Writings of Irenaeus.

ESPN: The Magazine.

The wind blows gently, & I love the peaceful coolness, bringing relief from the heat of the day. The evening wind comes like a gentle caress, lingering sweetness. The wind blows hard, picking up sand & rocks, pelting & stinging all they come in contact with. The biting cold, a violent & unseen rage. What's changed?

And the waves.

I don't think that the waves are intentionally buffeting my little ship, tossing it to & fro, bringing it perilously close to the rocks & the reef... the waves are just... the waves.

They're driven by unseen but very real forces, & the waves do what waves do. When the seas are calm & gentle, I love them. When they're wild & fearsome, I'm wondering why they've turned their intensity to me.

Sigh. I'm glad that the One who calms the wind & the waves knows me.

memory & smell

2009-05-04T11:56:00.000-07:00

For the last semester, one of our Sunday p.m. small groups has been studying the Book of Enoch in conjunction with Genesis & Revelation- we've gotten through Enoch's 1st vision (Chapters 1-36.)

One of the things that has stood out the most to me is the mention of how things smell - specifically of incense & other rich, deep, good smells, esp. associated with the presence & throne-room of God. We had quite the discussion about how smell is very closely tied to memory... & Michael O passed on the tidbit that the sense of smell is the only sense that bypasses the normal 'central processing relay-stuff' & goes straight to the brain. Which, in turn, makes for some very vivid & clear memory making... & at the next 'smell' of that scent, a person can be 'taken back' in memory to when they've smelled it before.

This drove me to the Scriptures & their mention of incense & fragrance in the context of the Tabernacle, the presence of God, & of royalty (more on that later.) What I found really blew me away - in the instructions that the LORD Adonai gave to Moses for worship were included an altar from which incense was to be burned all the time - (Exodus 30). And the incense burned on the holy altar was to be made of a special blend that was not for private use - only for the presence of God.

Another sweet smelling perfume was mixed in with the anointing oil applied to kings...

If you're interested in finding out more, click HERE to be taken to Bible Gateway...

At the same time as I've been studying incense & fragrance in the Scriptures, I've been reading a book called Sitting At the Feet of Rabbi Jesus. Its a book that brings understanding to what living as a disciple (talmid) of Jesus would have been like within the culture of 1st century Judaism - with the nuances of Hebrew culture, language, belief, & practice. Good book.

One of the chapters talks about fragrance as well - referring to the John 12 account of Mary from Bethany anointing Jesus' feet with "an expensive perfume" made of "pure nard" (which I'd recommend you reading about HERE )

The authors mentioned that this anointing event, using this potent & sweet smelling perfume, would have caused the sweet smell to linger around Jesus for a long time - & would have been very apparent even during His betrayal, trial, scourging & crucifixion.

This has made me even more curious - & I am in the process of doing some 'experiments' with smell, fragrance, & incense... theBean is not nearly as excited about this as I am...

In my attempts to experiment with incense & the like, I have found through my searching locally that that the only places that I've been able to find incense (cone or sticks) or oil for burning have been in the 'head' shops, &/or shops that are catering to a pagan, wiccan, or new age clientele... Hmmm. Interesting.

So, resourceful me went to eBay & purchased some incense cones & a little tiny censer to burn the incense in. My package arrived & I wasted no time lighting my first cone of incense... in the kitchen. Ooops.

My experiment was quickly relegated to the garage... turns out that a reason that theBean wasn't as excited as me about the incense is that she had a negative experience with it - where as a youngster, she & her family went to dinner at someone's house - & the house was filled with an 'incense' smell (you know the smell - no matter what flavor or scent of incense you get, its a smell common to burning the cones...) I asked her about it & she described in minute detail what the house looked like inside, the people, & even what they ate for dinner. How's that for a 30 year old memory?

I got excited about that... & told theBean that she just proved what I was trying to discover & describe about smells, incense, & fragrance. I must say, though, that theBean remains not amused.

But I am. :)

Tuesday afternoon musings...

2009-04-28T17:26:00.000-07:00

My fantasy baseball season is being derailed almost before it begins. Injuries to Hanley Ramirez, Josh Hamilton, Ryan Doumit, & Carlos Delgado have left me scrambling for potential replacements... wonder if I can petition for more spots for the Disabled List...

A late afternoon Guinness in an icy glass is hard to beat.

When somebody thinks they know everything, it sure is hard to tell them otherwise. Man, I've tried. :)

TheBean is off on a cruise next week with TheWeez & a couple of other friends, meaning me, Pasty, & theJoey are bachelor-ing it. I'm totally confident that we'll make it just fine, but I must confess I'm now doing what I can to scope out the fast-food options available in case my cooking ideas (read: microwaved pizzas & canned soups,) get too boring.

We'll be hitting the movie THEE-ate-er at least once as well. X-Men Origins. Definitely.

Being without theBean for the week raises the question: why does it make me feel all hollow inside to think of being here without her? Is it just the missing of my One True love, or is it a Neediness that gets exposed when she's not around for me to lean on? Hmmmm. I wonders...

I wish my kids had the opportunity to watch Joe Montana play football. The closest I think I'll get is Tom Brady. Sigh.

No Line On The Horizon is my favorite U2 album since Joshua Tree. Time will tell where it ranks all time. I start everyday of work listening through it. Love it.

Creed: Born Again...

2009-04-27T17:08:00.000-07:00

For Brintus. And Opito.
NEWS

pride

2009-04-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

This is a continuation of some thoughts I started processing through HERE.

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires (cravings, lusts, & longings) of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1John 2:15-17 ESV

Pride. What I have. What I accomplish. Who I am, (or present myself to be?) based upon my job, title, education, place I work... Specifically measured against what Others have. Who they are. What they have done. Are doing.

Pride is insidious. It worms its way into the most unfortunate places. Disguises itself with the best of disguises. Undermines the most unsuspecting of persons.

And is common to all humanity. To me.

I read in Numbers 12...now Moses was more humble than any other person on earth... I remember that he was the adopted son of the Pharaoh's daughter, meaning he most likely grew up with privilege. Education. Wealth. Position. And he left it to lead his people out of slavery to a land occupied by the Nephilim.

I remember that Moses is called the friend of God, a person whom confers with God face to face. That Moses has seen incredible signs, wonders, & miracles worked in & through him by the power of God.

And still he is humble.

I ponder... I think that there's a special susceptibility to pride that christians have - without even giving 2 thoughts to it... it hides out in our using of our relationship & standing before God to measure ourselves, ranking ourselves against others. Glorying in our humility, our faithfulness. Measuring ourselves by the Great Things that we will do for God. By aspiring to do Great Things, even Greater Things than others do, all the while forgetting what God really wants from us is that we would 'do justly, love mercy, walk humbly...' Not that we admit to doing it, but it happens just the same...

CS Lewis writes:

Pride always means enmity - it is enmity. And not only enmity between man and man, but enmity to God. In God you come up against something which is in every respect immeasurably superior to yourself. Unless you know God as that - and, therefore, know yourself as nothing in comparison - you do not know God at all.

As long as you are proud, you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you...Mere Christianity p.124

The more I think about the 1John passage, the more I see a root of discontent lurking, waiting to be planted in me. A discontent with what I am. What I have. What I'm doing. What God has provided. And this discontent rashly & repeatedly looks for its fulfillment in the world we live in... And then God becomes a tool that I use to further my reach - to indulge the cravings of my eyes, my flesh, & my pride.

Sigh.

2009-04-21T13:59:00.000-07:00

I spent 10 years of my life as a volunteer & vocational youth worker... & know firsthand the very real pressure that exists in wanting, needing to be 'cool' in the eyes of the students that one is working with.

And yes, the video is over-the-top. But I bet while you watch it, you just MIGHT think that Ignatius starts to remind you of a someone you've known before... & comments on a bit of the mockery we've made of a relationship with God...

Monday afternoon musings...

2009-04-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

Brother & I hit a new spot for lunch today - Beto's - Guadalajara style Mexican food, on Ralston & 5th, right next to JJ's Pie Co. Met with some other brothers & ate Wet Burritos... the Wet referring to the salsa that is slathered all over the insides of the burrito. Good stuff. Made me crave JJ's wings though.

Ellie learns all kinds of new stuff at the office - today, it was how to recognize U2: Bono. Edge. Larry. Adam. Yes.

You can thank me later Ellie B.

The snow of last Tuesday, & the abomination of the Broken Irrigation Valve threw a wrench into my Well-Laid Plans. So this week will be IKEA week- to get the bookshelves that are necessary for the reorganization process of the office & LY-berry. Oh yes. It will be done.

TheBean celebrates her birthday on 24 April. As I type this, I'm looking at 2 of the pics that she gave me her Senior year of High School... back in the day when she was 17. I still have to pinch myself sometimes - thinking, "This girl really likes me. Still." Wow. Who'd a thunk it?

Brother got as giddy as a school boy today - if you've read of his frustrations with our lot-lurkers HERE, you'll be glad to know that we had some 'visitors' today.(NOTE: the lot-lurker visitors are easy to spot - they park in the furthest parking spot in the lot, under the trees. All windows up. Usually tinted.)

Brother decided he wasn't going to take it anymore... so he called RPD... and they showed up! First one car. Then shortly after, another (BACKUP! They called for BACKUP!) Got the people out of the car - multiple guys. 1 woman. Cuffed the guys. Loaded the back of the two cars.

Then, out of the blue, a big RPD paddy-wagon showed up - & all the cuffed humans were put into it. Excitement up on the Hill. Don't come here & break the law, man.

Something that I've been mulling over... Reading through Exodus, what is jumping out at me are the smells, specifically those that God instructs Moses to make & to prepare a place for - using the finest smelling oils & incense... so that every time people would come into God's presence, they would be met with a fragrant & memorable smell... Hmmm.

Think I'm sneaking out at 1 on Wednesday for my first Aces game. Esp. with the weather we're supposed to be having... goodness.

mere christianity, grad school, & other thoughts...

2009-04-18T18:08:00.000-07:00

Ever since I learned to read, C.S. Lewis has been one of my favorite authors... I have read & re-read everything of his that I could get my hands on. Narnia. The Space Trilogy. The Screwtape Letters. You get the idea. There weren't many months in the last 35 years of my life where I haven't been in the middle of a Lewis book...

With that said, I had never read through what many consider to be Lewis' best work: Mere Christianity - a book that was compiled from a series of lectures Lewis gave on BBC Radio between 1941-1944, during the heart of World War II, a fact that cannot and should not be forgotten as the book is read.

Since I've only got about 4 or 5 books on my 'reading list,' I decided that now would be the time that I'd finally tackle it... don't know what kept me from it all these years unless it had to do with my love & preference for the known works, & possibly because so many had suggested that I read it. (No, I'm not passive/aggressive. i just want reading it to be my idea...)

I'm 3/4 of the way through the book, & I'm enjoying it immensely... the provocation of thought, as well as the picture that is given, albeit indirectly, of a period in in Britain's history as it was teetering on the brink of becoming post-Christian... with one man's 'talking' through belief, & his own reasons to believe. If you like to think, as well as to consider & work through your own philosophical presuppositions, I'd highly recommend it to you.

With Mere Christianity as the backdrop - I've been researching & looking for a grad school to 'attend' - whether taking classes online &/or finding a program where the amount of onsite attendance is minimal... because I would like to pursue a graduate degree in an area that would supplement & augment my day job & the life I lead now, I've been looking at a lot of accredited christian colleges & university programs... And I've found a few that have piqued my interest, most notably the program at Gonzaga, which fits the bill for what I've been looking for, albeit for the cost of purchasing a highly sought after free agent in one of the major sports...

Something that has been a leeettle bit of a surprise to me is that many (most?) of the institutions I've pulled an application for have a policy written into their application addressing 'conduct' - a policy that any & all students, whether taking classes in person or online, need to agree to. That policy is one of no drinking alcohol (not moderation, but None. Zero. Zip.,) no smoking of tobacco products of any kind, no drugs, & for many, no social dancing.

I've written blogs in the past about my thoughts on alcohol, which you can read HERE. And, like my heroes JRR Tolkien, CS Lewis, Sherlock Holmes, I enjoy reading & writing while smoking my pipe... which seem to DQ me from pursuing higher education from a christian institution unless I'd be willing to falsely sign a peace of paper stating one thing, while living completely differently... which I'm not willing to do.

Nor am I willing to sign a paper agreeing not to drink any alcohol or smoke a pipe as though by doing so I'm ascribing to a standard of holiness that seems to be aimed at bolstering the smug-ness meter of a legalistic religion being passed off as christianity. Sigh.

Now, back to Mere Christianity I came across a section where Lewis addresses "Morality" & "Virtue." One of the virtues he discusses is "Temperance" - a word whose definition had been co-opted over time to mean Teetotaling, or complete abstinence from alcohol. Lewis' writes:

It is a mistake to think that Christians ought all to be teetotallers; Mohammedanism (Islam), not Christianity, is the teetotal religion.

Of course it may be the duty of a particular Christian, or of any Christian at a particular time to abstain from strong drink, either because he is the sort of man who cannot drink at all without drinking too much or because he is with people who are inclined to drunkenness, & must not encourage them by drinking himself.

But the whole point is that he is abstaining for a good reason, from something that he does not condemn, & which he likes to see other people enjoying. One of the marks of a certain type of bad man is that he cannot give up a thing himself without wanting everyone else to give it up. That is not the Christian way.

An individual Christian may see fit to give up all sorts of things for special reasons - marriage, meat, beer, or the cinema - but the moment he starts saying the things are bad in themselves or looking down his nose at other people who do use them, he has taken the wrong turning.

One great piece of mischief has been done by the modern restriction of the word "Temperance" to the question of drink. It helps people to forget that you can be just as intemperate about lots of other things. A man who makes his golf or his motorbicycle the centre of his life, or the woman who devotes all of her thoughts to clothes or bridge or her dog is just as intemperate as someone who gets drunk every evening.

Of course it doesn't show on the outside as easily; bridge-mania, golf-mania do not make you fall down in the middle of the road, but God is not deceived by externals.

Hmmm.

flesh

2009-04-16T13:25:00.000-07:00

This is a continuation of some thoughts I started processing through HERE.

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires (cravings, lusts, & longings) of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1John 2:15-17 ESV

I ponder… “the cravings, lusts, & longings “of the flesh… with the word flesh meaning me, my physical body, & my human nature – my natural propensities, bents, drives, & inclinations. It’s not a call to live in denial of my humanity – can’t change that, don’t want to. It’s also not an indictment as ‘inherently unholy’ the God-instilled drives of hunger, thirst, & sexuality…

That’s important to note because there are places, pockets of belief really, where people get lost; places that equate holiness with abstaining from anything enjoyable or nice – that the more they would deny their ‘fleshly’ (see: human) desires, the more spiritual that they would be. And the converse would be true also – those that DIDN’T deny those impulses were less spiritual & holy.

Galatians 5:16,17 tells us to walk in the Spirit, & we won’t fulfill the lusts of the flesh… & that the flesh & Spirit are at odds with each other… What I see is that I will get into trouble if I put my natural drives & desires in charge of me, in the drivers seat if you will – letting them & them alone guide my thoughts, choices, decisions, & what I give myself to.

The ‘walking in the Spirit” is where self-control comes in – not me trying to keep myself in check, but living life under the direction & guidance of the Holy Spirit. Acknowledging, even declaring that there’s more to life than self-indulgence, doing what I feel, following my cravings – that even though I’m 100% human, the most important thing to me is obedience to God, & living the Christ-following life…

Here's a thought:

To go to an extreme either way is destructive & displays the rotting fruit of a flesh-driven life….

Hmmm.

It's easier to see the results of self-indulgent excess - wanton debauchery, the life of the Prodigal in Vegas, letting one's proverbial 'freak-flag-fly'... I believe that there's just as much deadly flesh evident in the extreme ascetic lifestyle, though in christianity the latter is often held up as something desirable & to be aspired to...

I'm still pondering...

Down in a hole...

2009-04-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

Down in hole, feelin' so small... was how Brother & I spent our Tuesday. Not that we'd planned it that way. Sort of fell into it when I was greeted with the sound of many waters... that sound is a really good thing if you're reading the book of Revelation, but it is decidedly NOT a good thing when one is standing inside a church building, hearing the echoing of running water through the pipes in the walls...

A call to thePlumber brought the desired result - a visit from an expert. Turns out our expert could only confirm that:

We have a leak.

It seems to be coming from outside where the main water valve meets the building.

In order to be 100% sure of this, & in order to repair the leak if it's down under the ground, is to dig.

Digging is something that our expert could do, but it would cost. And since I have a thing about not selling my kids off, or auctioning arms & legs, I decided that I would dig. And so would Brother. And so we did. Even though Monday would have been a better day to dig, considering it was S/O weather, instead of the driving snow, biting wind, & occasional ball of hail falling from the grey skies...

I know the hole doesn't look so impressive, especially with the sprinkler box strewn so haphazardly over it to cover the work that we did until our friend Jim-The-Sprinkler-Man-Taylor comes out on Friday, but I have to say that I am proud of the work Brother & I did. It was so easy to dig in the lush Nevada soil. Made me so happy that unlike many other states, Nevada soil has no rocks in it. None. Just lush, rich soil that gives in to the shovel like ice-cream does to a hot ice-cream scoop.

Actually, I must say, we worked for most of the day, & found that even with the water mains off, we still had a hole that filled with water in approx. 10 minutes. We bailed & bailed but couldn't keep up with the leak. I got tired after removing about 75 gallons of water (in 5 gallon increments, don't you know?) & still making no head way.

That's when my edu-ma-cation kicked in & I realized that there HAS to be a better Way of doing this... Images of water pumps rolled through my head & after a quick visit to our friends at Ahern Rentals we came away with a 2" water pump & 50 feet of fire hose to Clear the hole of water in No Time. Turns out the pump worked well, but only kept us at EVEN with the leak... We were stymied, cold, & wet... so we cried out to the LORD. Truly. The ladies intercessory group in the parking lot (so fortuitously meeting on Tuesdays) prayed as well. And the LORD heard our prayers & sent us exactly what we needed: a foreman.

When I say what we needed was a foreman, that's just what I mean. Imagine if you will Brother & I, tired & work-worn, leaning on our shovels, resting, pondering what would come next. What I didn't realize is that we hadn't met the appropriate "shovels/workers ratio" to finish a given job.

The arrival of our foreman, aka real NV Energy Superman John-the-Wiser took us up & over the ratio... Plus, he seemed to know a few things about Plumb-age... spotted a few things we'd missed, like an alternate water valve that miraculously turned off the water to the leaky valve, thereby allowing the pump to catch up & even surpass the water in the hole. Brother dug with renewed vigor, & found the source of our problem, that ancient evil known as "the leaky irrigation valve..."

With the valve now exposed, we were confronted with something that neither Brother nor I had considered... it was suggested by John-The-Wiser that since the valve that was leaking was Good For Nothing, & fed nothing but a previously Vandalized & Broken line itself, that we should cut the valve off & cap it. Ourselves.

After a few minutes of hemming & hawing, we agreed. In fear & trembling. Brother did the cutting, under the watchful, skillful eye of John-The-Wiser... we purchased a 1 1/4" Brass Cap & applied it, with a little smidge of plumber's tape. Tightened it up. Tested our work by actually turning the main water valve on. It held. (It must be noted that Someone said we should probably just fill the hole up with dirt 1st, & THEN test it, but Someone was overruled.)

Victory.

I want to give a big shout out of thanks to:

Jackie for calling John-The-Wiser to come help us in our time of trouble.

Jacqui, Pam, Helen, & Marta - the intercessory prayer group.

Brother - for being a good sport & going mudding...

John-The-Wiser - for his foreman-ing skills.

The LORD - for answering prayers, & for sending all of above people my way today...

Friday musings...

2009-04-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

Sitting at the completely clear & clean kitchen counter, coffee nearby, preparing for blog-age is one of my favorite things. Esp. on Fridays, which is my day of rest.... I love it. Along with brown paper bags, wrapped up with string of course...

I'm really, really looking forward to my first Aces game - hopefully 4/18... Preliminary weather report: High of 68F, low of 40. No rain, light wind.

So say we all!

Life is simpler without having to put up a pretense to try to impress others. It's at least less work. I want to "be comfortable in my own skin,"... I think that's how Bono put it...

As background, I occasionally have blood sugar issues - when I don't eat often enough, or don't get enough protein, my blood sugar plummets, as does my outlook, mood, demeanor... you get the picture.

On that note, kids are funny. And pretty quick learners too... we were having an interchange with theWeez about a particular series of choices she made that resulted in us needing to have a "Talk." Obviously, didn't fully appreciate how the "Talk" was going, & further, had issues with the method of Presentation that I had chosen. But rather than take it up a notch & try to argue, bluster, or complain, she just said:

"When was the last time you ate? You should eat something, & then we can talk..."

Nice.

Easter is this Sunday... I'm looking forward to it - the story of redemption never gets old. And I never want to just go on 'auto-pilot' & mail it in either, just because its Easter. May I never lose the wonder...

NOTE: No rocks were thrown during the writing of the following paragraphs...

Easter, along with Christmas Eve, seem to be times where churches are more prone to troll for newbies using the "Be Our Guest" scene from the Beauty & the Beast Disney film... where we put our best on, place our best foot forward, with the best music, best speech, & best egg hunt for the kiddies. All in the space of 70 minutes... & just in time for the next best service.

It seems to be more designed for a christian culture than for one of pre-christians... to attract christians from other churches to come & see. I ponder consumer-church... Hmmm...

END NOTE

I was asked out on a date, for tonight, by theBean. Don't know where we're going - it's a surprise. I'm going to do my best to make myself extra pretty... :)

eyes...

2009-04-09T11:16:00.000-07:00

For the last couple of weeks, I've been pondering a section of 1John that has come back to me a few times since reading it... & the next few posts are my processings through it, in no real order... First, the section:

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1John 2:15-17 ESV

In reading that, what grabbed me 1st was the phrase, 'all that is in the world...' As though the following statements are revelatory about specific ways that we are seduced into sin... I looked up the word translated as "desires," & found that it is also translated as

'craving, lust, &/or longing for that which is forbidden...Strongs Concordance - G1939"

Desires of the eyes... what I want. Need. And seeing that I want, no, need what I don't have. I sense an erosion of contentedness, knowing that my next bout of 'happiness' hinges on the accumulation of some thing, some material possession that will Finally put me over the edge into bliss. Until the next craving hits. This desire is never satisfied. It has a roving eye, portraying, promising an emptiness of life unless an attempt is made at fulfilling the craving. Which always returns. With a vengeance.

Makes me contemplate what I'm looking at. What catches my eyes? Maybe its the studies I've been doing on idols & Idolatry, but I think this is a fleshing out of a visible, tangible idol; an idol whose face changes, that takes on different shapes. An idol that is hinting at, & occasionally flaunting 'completeness of me,' as seen through the jaded, jealous, & judgmental eyes of a nameless, faceless, yet oh so important Other person that will either accept or reject me based upon what I have. Or don't.

I can feel it in the pit of my stomach.

So the extremist emerges - rather than accumulate, I will divest myself of this materialism, go 'minimalist' & detach myself from all of my possessions, & even from the desire to possess, choosing instead to subsist on the bare minimum... & maybe just a bit less. Yep. That'll do just fine.

But there's a nagging sense that all I've done is exchange one side of the coin for the other. And that the comparisons, the cravings, the lurking enticement remains, though with a different face.

I come back to think on what it means to be "content." To be able to be at peace, at rest, with a little. Or with a lot. To not need an external 'security blanket' that can rot, burn, be stolen, be misplaced... (no matter how nice a Goodall Walnut Standard would make me FEEEEEEL...)

To put my eyes where they belong. On Jesus Christ, the author & finisher of my faith... who was tempted in every way that I am, but Who didn't give in to sin. Who saw through the empty promises of the lusts & desires, & chose instead obedience...

musings from a Monday night at Pinocchio's...

2009-04-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

Joey has practice tonight at Golden Eagle, & theBean is home painting (which, by the way, is a dangerous activity to be around, don't you know?) So I sought out a quiet place to catch the NCAA Basketball championship & to pass the time until I can pick up Joey... 'bout a 2-hour block of time. My choice? Pinocchio's, the restaurant where theBean works, a short .9 mile jaunt from home, & a relatively safe spot to sit, veg-out, watch the game, eat what may be the best chicken wings in the greater Reno/Sparks area, & to blog.

I'm watching Michigan St. get worked by North Carolina... too many mistakes, & what seems to be an attempt to catch up all at once by shooting 3-pointers every time down the court. Bummer. The Spartans are moving away from the game plan that has worked throughout the tourney... & it's not pretty.

On one of the other TV's, I can see CNN & the Larry King show - it catches my eye, because Larry is interviewing Rick Warren, pastor of Saddleback Church in the SoCal, author of all things PurposeDriven... it's significant to me for a couple of reasons: Warren has become one of the de facto spokesperson for American Christianity (along with Joel Osteen,) & addresses in 'sound-byte perspectives' all things 'christian,' most notably, politics. It's also significant to me because the sound isn't on, & I can only tell what the subject/topic of Larry King & Rick Warren's discussion by the large 'headlines' smattered on the screen at various times, which I'm assuming must be their talking points.

It seems that a big portion of the interview centered on: WARREN ON OBAMA (capital letters were CNN's,) & whether he should be a part of a particular church. Other topics that appeared were:

Does prayer help you get a job?

Is Warren anti-gay?

Why did President Obama select Rick Warren to play the role he did in the inauguration?

CNN also puts a "feedback line" that runs along the bottom of the screen, where viewers can put forward their own thoughts about what they're saying & hearing... interesting. Lots of vitriol, rhetoric, & politicizing of 'issues' as christian/un-christian, esp. along political party lines...

In other news, I'm through 2 of the 3 books in the C.S. Lewis space trilogy.... Once again, I'd highly recommend all 3 books to you, but especially the 2nd one, Perelandra. Without giving away too much, I'll say that in this book Lewis explores what the temptation of Eve in the Garden of Eden must have been like - portraying the Tempter as a cunning, relentless, manipulative, deceptive, & diabolically clever adversary bent on one purpose: perverting the words of the Creator & attempting to steal, kill, & destroy those created in the image of the Creator.

Though I've read the book many times, this time esp. jumped out at me - the Genesis 3 account can almost make Eve look & sound like a naive, unsophisticated & unintelligent human being, one that was so easily duped by a few sentences spoken by her own tempter that she must have been a virtual child, a simpleton, when nothing could be further from the truth. Eve was the LORD God's final act of creation, fashioned from Adam, made to be a 'suitable partner' for him... She was made & declared by God to be "very good."

Whether it be out of ignorance, projection of an anti-woman bias that has existed within the church (machine), or some other error, a not-so-subtle placing of blame on 'the woman' because of her 'naivete' has fed, at least in me, a wrong or distorted view of the cause & nature of sin, temptation, & our propensity to shift blame.

Read Perelandra.

I've been thinking quite a bit on 1John 2:15-17... & think that I'll do a series of 3 blogs on it...

It's time to get Joey.

Ciao!

monday musings...

2009-03-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

Home after a great weekend spent in Portland with theBean's cousin Christy & her husband Levi. And their little dog Winston. It turns out after 3 days together, we remembered to take 2 pictures. 2. Silly us. Hopefully, we can snag some of the pics that Levi & his family took when they came over for dinner on Saturday...

Christy is 9 years younger than theBean & was the flower girl in our wedding... it rained (not unusual for Portland :) which was beautiful. I loved the steady but tolerable showers, the cloudy-overcastness, the glimmers of sun breaking through the clouds for seconds at a time. The food they cooked for us was incredible, & we hope to get several of the recipes to make our own...

Both Levi & Christy work at Multnomah University, which is about 5 minutes walk from their house. As I've stated before, I absolutely love the higher ed environment, & my recent grad school pursuits were really fired up seeing the school & talking through all the ed. options that Levi will be exploring. Lucky.

Words can't really describe the impact of the weekend - catching up with Levi & Christy; watching theBean with her cousin, & finding how eerily similar they are. Like the same foods. Can't breathe too well through their noses. Both think they're pretty funny & laugh quite a bit. Have an interesting time pronouncing certain words, esp. words with an "S". It was priceless.

Makes me wonder about the power & wonder of knowing & being known... & the comfort & encouragement of seeing someone that is 'like' you... hmmm...

Came home to sun. I love Reno. Clear blue skies. Light wind. Still manages to be freezing cold at night. I love it!

4+ mile run with Brother today... the good news is that I'm still feeling it... hips, knees, ankles are doing well, which makes me happy. I'm working up to a regular schedule of 5 miles (3-4x/week) & hope to do a 10K one of these days.

Reading through CS Lewis' sci-fi trilogy... just finished the 1st one, & started Perelandra last night... Thursday, I start the finale......

I enjoy the trilogy because the main character, E. Ransom, is based on JRR Tolkien... & at the same time is a completely unexceptional individual... whom nonetheless is chosen for an extraordinary series of missions, to battle evil incarnate with seemingly nothing but his wits & a growing spiritual sensitivity... good times.

Finally caught the BSG finale. Meh.

a picture says a thousand words...

2009-03-26T10:47:00.000-07:00

With props to David Hayward - check out his blog & art site HERE to experience a thought provoking & refreshing (read: challenging) approach to life in its fullness...

there & back again... Friday musings...

2009-03-20T07:45:00.000-07:00

I spent the 1st part of this week in Los Angeles… San Dimas, if you want to get specific… It’s the home of Bill & Ted, as well as Life Pacific College. I had the good fortune to be able to travel with Brother, & to hang out with some dear friends, both of whom there is years of history. Had gut level talks… listened… laughed a lot. Discovered a great pub, on St. Patrick’s Day to boot, one that specialized in Belgians… the set up of the pub reminded me a lot of the ‘traditional’ Frankfurt/Sachsenhausen restaurant, albeit with a long, tall table instead of a standard one. Great times.

On that note, Brother & I stayed in the dorms - Floor 3 of Bldg D, #315. Through a series of negotiations that I shall not get into here I ended up with the top bunk, which was a great gig once I found a way to actually GET to the top bunk. Ended up having to climb up the desk/bookshelf & then launch myself up & over the rail. It was quite the experience. Not as comfy as sleeping in my very own bed with my very own theBean, but it was cool - esp. with the novelty of sharing a room with buddies.

One of the highlights for me was sitting in on classes - Pentateuch/Torah, where the class was in the beginnings of working through Leviticus - talked about the theme being "Becoming who we are" - never heard it described that way. In light of that, the rituals (ceremonies, practices, daily reminders) lose their strange-ness, & take on a special quality... seeing a people be-becoming... learning to step into their calling & identity. Nice job David.

The other classes we went to were Biblical Preaching & a Youth Ministry seminar class, with 7 students who are already out & about involved in youth stuff. The professor had to go to a "meet & greet" for about 40 minutes, leaving Brother & I to talk to & with the students. It was a highlight, & really sparked me to remember how much I enjoy 'school with a purpose'; learning, growing, being challenged in my thought processes, having to formulate new ideas & new conclusions. Good stuff.

One of the other reasons Brother & I were there was to explore some distance learning ops - not a whole lot has surfaced, but in some way we'll be back at school, if only from afar.

It also spurred on & reignited some old ideas for a local institute within our church family - we'll see.

At youth group right now we're talking about "Image & Identity" - reflecting on the fact that we've been made in God's image. We aren't mistakes. Individually, we've been marked as God's masterpieces, unique, special, & well-made, really coming to life in all of its fullness as we embrace who God made us to be.

And the enemy of that are the forces that exist to conform - reshape us, using a '1 size fits all' approach. Its easy to look outward, to the country & culture that we're living within... with its ideas about beauty, acceptable body shape, what to eat/drink, how to live... with the pressure to conform & take on behaviors & an 'acceptable' outward appearance to really fit in with those around us, even though it means living inauthentically based on someone else's version of what I'm supposed to be & do.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about this, & what came up was the sneaky & insidious way this same type of thing exists within the Church... where the pressure to become a 'good christian' with approved & authorized 'good christian behaviors, thoughts, characteristics, & preferences' can seemingly force us into a mold where we're just as focused on the outward appearance, going through the motions of living this 'good christian life' in order to gain the approval of others within the Machine. All in the name of becoming a disciple. But WHOSE disciple? Faking the funk, putting on a show that we're outwardly ok, while dying on the inside - living in a virtual prison of not wanting to do the WRONG thing, leaves us undeveloped, immature, & fearful. Is this the 'life in all of its fullness' Jesus came to bring? Don't think so.

Worse, the longer we go, the more difficult it can be to break out - because the longer we live the lie, the more fear & shame piles up, trapping us in a cycle of inaction.

Makes me think... The enemy isn't always out THERE.

I'm stoked. Tonight, we get to go to Carson to hang with the Locke clan: brothers & fams. My dad's birthday is tomorrow, & to celebrate, we're gathering tonight for a Giant Apple Pancake (GAP.) Let me 'splain.

Back in the day, momentous occasions in our household meant going to Johnny Ascuaga's for a GAP - its a monstrous, dense, battered concoction, smothered with apples, cinnamon, butter, & powduhed sug-ah, then topped with syrup. The batter itself has to sit out for a day, & it takes at least 20 minutes to cook, & involves a 'flipping of the Pancake" that can (& sometimes did) result in disaster. Going to Johnny A's meant an adventure, not knowing if our delicacy would actually make it to the table intact, but that if it did, we were going to eat & eat well, at least until the sugar coma came on.

At some point, Johnny A realized that the GAP was more trouble than it was worth - to him at least - & stopped serving it. He did, however, put the recipe out for the adventurous soul that would try to recreate the greatness of the GAP.

My dad, being the brave soul that he is, took up that challenge, & over the years has become quite the GAP maker. Chef-like even, producing GAPs that rival the best I ever had at Johnny A's, marking great days, holidays, & just becauses with sweetness.

But up until now, he's the only one that knows what it takes to pull this off... I say until now, because we (me, brother Ben, & brother Moe & fams) have been invited to not only partake in the eating tonight, but also in the making, so that we too can carry on this great tradition of decadence. Ahh.

Should be fun.

Spring sports season is upon us. Pasty is in track. I-Doey is in baseball. TheWeez is a proper footballer (soccer to us 'mericans) & I'm in softball. TheBean is breaking out her cheerleading outfit as I type... :)

Life is beautiful. Tim & David, thanks for a great week.

Sunday afternoon...

2009-03-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

Illy in the afternoon, a freshly pulled shot, accompanied by a teaspoon of Skippy Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter. Looking at the beautiful (yes I said beautiful) brown Nevada hills... & in the distance the snow-tipped Sierras. I feel the favor of the LORD God on my life this afternoon.

Reviewing my studies for our small group study on Enoch - I really love Brown's compilation, complete with annotations & Bible cross-references. Even more than the study I love the fact that I get to interact with the people that come to my house. I'm stuck on the 'reflecting part' of that right now... on the richness of life that is revealed only in the context of relationships...

Looks like 2 May, 2009, we're going to be putting on an Art Show/Exhibition/Display/Gala... celebrating the arts, artists, & creativity within our church family & community. More on that later...

The Chronicles of Narnia - 2009... I'm through the whole series again, save for "The Last Battle." I've always had a hard time reading that one because its the LAST one in the series. And when I read it, I go as slow as possible to make it last as long as I can. Don't know why.

Brother & I are off to the LPC tomorrow for a couple of days - to check out some online schooling possibilities for the both of us, to sit in on a couple of classes, & of course to raise a pint or two while pontificating, plotting, & musing with friends. Can't wait.

Had a couple of moments today during the speech where I felt overwhelmed... not the bad kind either. Hard to put words to it. For those of you who were there, it was during the quiet time where I didn't say anything, & again at the end.

If I had to describe it, I'd say it was like the feeling you get when you step into water (ocean? pool?) & find out too late that its over your head. Surprising. But refreshing. Interesting. Can't put my finger on it. Don't know if I need to.

How early is too early to brew a pot of java?

Looks like the trip to Portland is on, in spite of the fact that the IR-S still seems to be unable to locate our tax-refund, which is bouncing somewhere near Sock Heaven (the place where renegade socks go after getting lost on their way through the washing/drying cycle.) Bummer. I could use that money at some point.

(BTW: we're on week 6 of waiting for resolution. But I'm hopeful. But not holding my breath.)

Tonight feels like a soup night. So say we all.

driving me crazy...

2009-03-12T17:11:00.000-07:00

Today on the way home to meet theBean in-between her Thursday double (2 shifts at work - 10-2, 4:45-close)... I observed someone driving & doing a Sudoku puzzle. Simultaneously. Not at a stoplight, but while driving. WHILE.

I was mortified. Ok, not mortified, that's too strong of a word. Cracked up? Ok, that's more accurate. So I decided to play a little game all the way home... on my 16 minute drive, to see what else I could observe my Fellow Drivers doing while they were driving. Or, rather, when they were supposed to be giving 100% of their attention to their driving.

Talking on the cell phone. Of course - even though MythBusters found that driving under the influence is less dangerous than driving while on the cell phone, everyone seems to do it. The only redeeming thing is that you can't put down drunk...

Texting.

Smoking. And not just smoking. Chain-smoking.

Changing the radio station. While leaning over really close to the radio so it could be seen evidently.

Picking something out of their eyes, using the folded down visor mirror...

Eating & drinking. Using both hands, steering probably with the knees.

Yelling at (disciplining?) kids in the back seat. While facing said children.

Rocking out, using their thumb for a microphone, checking out the rear-view to see Just. How. Cool. I. Are.

Watching TV - the DVD player in the minivan displayed just above the driver - how convenient.

A couple of readers - I saw a newspaper reader (& I didn't think they even got printed anymore,) & a big, thick book.

A car-cleaner upper - someone was picking up the trash from behind their seats & depositing it in a bag on the passenger seat.

I'm sure that there was more to observe, but I was driving. :)

How about you? What's have you seen other drivers doing while driving...?

standing firm...

2009-03-11T12:23:00.000-07:00

The last couple of weeks, I have felt physically spent - where all I want to do is sleep. So I have upped my sleep - & have even indulged in napping. Bummer part is that I'd wake up feeling as if I hadn't slept at all. Hmm.

My first thought is maybe it was the sickies trying to Klingon to me... don't know that that is it.

Second thought was to think through my schedule & see if & where I'd been overextending myself, pushing too hard, falling into old patterns... again, not sure that that is it.

And so I ponder: what's up? I know that these feelings are physical, mental, & definitely affecting the emotional. I like to figure things out - & so I'm praying, asking for insight, looking at me in the 3rd person...

It came to my mind to pray for strength to stand... I know & am confident that "standing" is something that God has made me to do, for myself & for others, like Shammah did!, & He regularly reminds me of it... & the verses from Ephesians 6 came to mind...

A final word: Be strong with the Lord’s mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil.

For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms.

Use every piece of God’s armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground...

Perhaps the accumulated relational stress, unforeseen financial tightness, physical/mental/emotional drain, etc. is actually all just a part of the latest wave that is to be resisted.

Refocus. Realign. Repent. Rest. Reaffirm my hope in Christ. And remain standing, fully reliant on the 'mighty power" of God to do so. Knowing that the battle will pass. The wave will move on. The heavy weariness will lift. And I want to still be on my feet.

samson...

2009-03-07T13:56:00.000-08:00

One of the most mystifying characters in the Bible to me is Samson - a miracle baby born to a formerly infertile couple, a child whose birth is surrounded by promise of leading Israel to freedom from her oppressors; set aside as a Nazirite from birth. (Samson's story is told HERE)

I never really understood how Samson could be one of the "heroes" in the BIble, let alone be used by God to be the leader/judge of Israel - when right smack dab in the middle of the story is the underlying subplot of his life: he disobeyed God regularly. He didn't keep his Nazirite vows. He regularly had sexual encounters with prostitutes. He had a 'thing' for Philistine women - something that eventually ended up costing him his life.

One thing that I never read about, (& didn't really notice until now,) is that in the story of Samson there isn't any meaningful connection or friendship with guys mentioned- not even one. His use of women as sex objects is. His consistent chasing of Philistine women is; his making decisions on his own, relying on his 'gifts, call, & talent" is.

Makes me wonder.

On that note, I came across this article - it explains a bit about the "Samson Society", something I heard & read about last week; something that I mentioned HERE.

If you're interested, the book is available HERE. I strongly recommend checking it out...

nobody's fault but mine...

2009-03-05T12:42:00.000-08:00

This a.m. I've been listening to the 77's cover of Zeppelin's Nobody's Fault But Mine. Sometimes I like to just put that song on "REPEAT" & listen to it over & over... either that or Akiko Suwanai's performance of the Bach Violin Concertos...

I like both of these because they stimulate thought... & from my experience, there is nothing like Bach to bring one's ideas together, to eliminate confusion, & set the tone for work, study, or... thinking...

One of the things that has been circling my brain is the (sudden?) realization that I would like to be able to assign (pass?) blame to others... & that it happens because I don't want to take responsibility for myself. Here's an example:

This morning, theBean & I were getting ready for the day, & she made a comment (shared an opinion) to/with me, & it bugged me. It MADE me angry. I could feel my mood, outlook, & attitude going south... & it was because of what SHE said. And I wanted to let her know it. So I did. Her response? "It's your choice." (NOTE: it wasn't said with sarcasm. No "biting tone." No flippancy. She just said it.)

"It's your choice." Something I say all the time - ALL the time. My dear friend Johannes used to say it to me in conversation - I loved to hear him say it with his American accent. I say it because it reminds me of him, & I try to say it like he does, which is almost always followed with a "Hmmm..."

As I sulked in the bathroom, my own words came back to me. There are somethings in life that I CAN'T choose, things that are beyond me - but there is a whole lot that I can. My responses are mine to choose - even in the face of disappointment, frustration, sadness, insecurity, fear... It's my choice.

My attitude. My words. My actions.

And if I was going to sulk, pout, withdraw, get mad, be antagonistic, well...

...it's nobody's fault but mine...

thoughts on a Wednesday...

2009-03-04T16:11:00.000-08:00

Ever have one of those days/series of days, where it seems like you hear about the same thing from 10 different & totally unrelated sources? Me too. Last weeks accountability post was birthed out of a long series of interactions with people on the idea of 'men's ministry...' something that has been about as attractive to me as playing in a Sani-Hut - I've not identified in the slightest with the Promise Keepers type man events... & the very thought of going to a stereotypical 'men's meeting' has never appealed to me - & hasn't been something that I'd want to be a part of.

I know that there are those that think, "Hey, you're a pastor. You should (or at least your church should) have a Men's Ministry." I don't agree - doing something just because its expected or because "this is what churches do" isn't valid reasoning to me - if I didn't believe in it, why would I fake it?

Yesterday, I was given a book by a friend - called Samson & The Pirate Monks. I ended up finishing it last night, & I would heartily recommend it to you - esp. if you're a guy who hates (translation: isn't "INTO" mens stuff.) I think what the author has created & is living out is do-able & even transferable from location to location... & sounds like something that I would want to go to, to prioritize, to evangelize about...

Friendship is a two-way street... It used to bug me when it seemed like I was carrying both sides of a relationship.... & it never occurred to me that if I was the only one calling, writing, trying to get together/keep in touch, that maybe, just maybe what we had wasn't actual friendship. And when I came to that realization, rather than getting bugged or worked up, I had my epiphany & embraced it.

On that note, I'm 'reminiscing' about the Guy who came to our house for a College Group meeting... musta been about 5 years ago now. He came with his girl, & sat down at our kitchen table. He stood out because instead of facing the people in the room, he faced the wall. At least 3 people attempted to talk to him at various points in the meal, but its a hard thing to A) have a 1-way conversation, & B) to talk to someone who won't look at you & is facing the wall. It was weird.

We moved from the kitchen to the living room, & the Guy, with his girl, left. Walked out. Hmm. More strange things afoot at the Circle K, but hey, there are all kinds of people in the world, & I just met one.

After the meeting, I checked my email, & lo & behold! I had received an email from the Guy. It was a long one; so long that I printed it out to be able to read the whole thing. He was writing to upbraid me & our clique of 'so-called Christians' - because he hadn't been made to feel welcome. (Why it took 3 pages of vitriol & venom to say that, I don't know, but it did.) It fired me up - because I saw what had happened that evening... normally, I would have just let it go, let it lie, but not this time. I wrote back a short response - & told him that I had a different perception of that evening, of the people in attendance, & also the responsibility that every single one of us has to 'engage' at some level.

Its a hard thing to watch.

I think that the christianity that I grew up on doesn't reflect Biblical Christ-following, in that a large part of the emphasis has been on one's "personal relationship with God through Jesus," which has morphed into a "private" relationship with Jesus... as though we can work on & through a 'relationship with God & Jesus" apart from interacting with people.

In actuality, my relationship with Christ is SHOWN by how I interact with others - how I treat my family. The way I value & show respect to others, even when (especially when?) they don't agree with me. Its a farce to think that I can go read my Bible, pray, & then treat the humanity around me like crap, all the while thinking, "I'm growing as a christian."

I think there's a few posts in there.

My stomach hurts & I'm a little frustrated... or maybe disappointed. Not sure I can put a finger on it, or even if I need to.

restoration, baptism, & other musings...

2009-03-02T12:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday our church family had a water baptism - within the larger church family our local church is a part of, water baptism is a celebration of the 'new life' that happens through Jesus Christ, & is an outward declaration of the inner-transformation taking place.

In the spring/summer, we use the river, & when its cold (meaning: winter) we use a local pool - NorthWest Pool is a fave. Family & friends are invited to be a part of the celebration - & for me, a highlight of the event is when each person being baptized gets an opportunity to share, out loud, WHY they're choosing baptism, & the significance it has for them on this day.

Another favorite thing, if I'm one of the 'dunkers' (which I was yesterday,) is to pray a short prayer, a prayer of blessing over each person as soon as they come up out of the water - I like to freestyle - meaning: to pray what I hear in my heart - whatever gets stirred up by the Holy Spirit...

Yesterday, a series of Bible verses came up, over & over, all dealing with RESTORATION - just about every prayer - RESTORATION.

To me, its a reflection of God's heart - the One who is gracious & compassionate, slow to anger, & rich in love. My mind is drawn to Joel 2, esp. verses 25-27 - where God promises His people that He will RESTORE to them what has been taken & lost - through their own choices, through atrocities & violations committed against them - God is the RESTORER; the One who makes all things new...

Something I've been learning over the last while is that working through grief over what has been lost isn't a process that can be avoided or short-circuited. It can only be delayed... & from what I've experienced, un-mourned loss is like a credit card... it builds up, with compounding interest. And its easier to grieve something (& someone) in the here & now, than it is further down the road, separated by time & space from it.

I don't want to dwell on loss & grief, but I'm not going to avoid it. Or deny it.

Actually, in the middle of the most bitter loss, the fiercest grief is one of the places I have sensed the deepest peace of God. And His comfort. The surety that He is with me, even in, especially at that time. And it doesn't make the pain go away, but knowing He's there is comforting.

So I'm holding onto restoration. On that note, here is a something that has been very personally significant to me on this:

What was lost in battle
What was taken unlawful
Where the enemy has planted his seed
And where health is ailin’
Where strength is failin’
I will restore to you all of this and more
I will restore to you all of this and more

CHORUS
I will restore, I will restore
I will restore to you all of this and more
I will restore, I will restore
I will restore to you all of this and more
I will restore to you all of this and more

Where your heart is breaking
And where dreams are forsaken
When it seems what was promised will not be given to you
And where peace is confusion
And reality an illusion
I will restore to you all of this and more

© w/m Richard Johnson

"I Will Restore"

quotable...

2009-02-28T10:55:00.000-08:00

I've been eagerly awaiting the release of U2's newest album - & with a little help from my friend (thanks Dabey,) I was able to catch a listen to a couple more tracks... White As Snow & No Line On the Horizon...

I listened to the mp3's while reading a 'blog-review' of White As Snow, which describes the song as one of the most unique, stripped down, & 'intimate' songs U2 has ever done... which is saying something. What really jumped out at me was a seemingly throwaway quote from Bono at the end of the review... He says:

Intimacy. It's the new punk rock...

Hmmm.

pondering accountability & other thoughts...

2009-02-26T12:29:00.000-08:00

Maybe its the chili & cheese laced "Spicy Bite" from SEV, but I'm thinking deep thoughts, musing about days gone by, looking for answers & understanding...

Way back in the day when scoeyd was just a lad in high school, I went to a Summer camp where the speaker encouraged everybody to get an "accountability partner" - somebody that we knew that would 'help us' not to sin. I didn't understand what he meant, but I figured that it was probably just me, & that later on in the cabin I'd be able to ask a counselor (back when calling somebody that didn't suggest that they were a psychologist or anything - now they are called Cabin Leaders to avoid any confusion... as if...)

When I got back to the cabin, I asked a couple of friends if they knew what an accountability partner was. Nope. They'd heard of them before, but they, like me, had no clue. So together (there is strength in numbers) we went to one of our counselors, a guy that was probably 30 (ancient to me at that time,) & asked him if he knew what an "accountability partner" was?

He said something like,

"Yeah, dummies. Its a person more spiritual than you are that you tell your sins to. And all the stuff that tempts you. And then they ask you all the time if you're doing those sins, & it keeps you from sinning because you don't want to have to tell them about it..."

Hmm. That didn't seem like something I wanted to do - for one it didn't make sense to me; for another, why would I want to talk to somebody about something that personal & private if I didn't know them? (And I was pretty sure I didn't know any Spiritual people that I'd consider close enough to get that gut-level honest with.) So I filed the "accountability partner" suggestion in the mental drawer along with all the other christian instructions that I'd gotten til that point in life, the stuff I had no clue what to do with - my own mental X-Files, if you will.

Over time, I heard about accountability quite a bit more; that doesn't mean I ever really understood it, & definitely didn't have a clue how to be accountable, let alone "hold someone" accountable. Something just didn't "click" for me - so I'd ask the person talking about accountability what they meant by it... what I heard (DISCLAIMER: remember this is me talking, processing, & wrestling through this, not making a definitive statements on my belief about "accountability" let alone God's position on it...)

As described at large by well-meaning christians everywhere - Accountability:

is a forced & inauthentic relationship - not naturally developing

is one of those spiritual pursuits that one has to be forced into, for my own good

is something that puts responsibility for my thoughts, choices, & behaviors onto someone else - the person who is supposed to be "holding me" accountable - perhaps meaning that it's not really my fault if I choose sin... if only they'd held me accountable better... ?

puts that person in a role of spiritual superior to me - kinda like my own personal assistant ~~to the~~ Holy Spirit

Hmmm.

Didn't sound right. Doesn't sound right. There's got to be something more... something missing.

To me, some of the things that have been the most helpful to me in growing, developing, & maturing in my relationship with God are:

the realization that Jesus Christ has already done the hard work - & now I am responsible for me, my thoughts, choices, behaviors, & relationships - the good, the bad, the ugly. And I can't (& shouldn't try to) pass that responsibility on to anybody else.

the cultivation of authentic, connected, 2-way relationships - friendships - with people that accept me as I am, faults & strengths; that want to know me & to be known in return; that are humble, not self-righteous; that listen first, & then are willing to speak the truth to me in love... & hear it in return; that want to live as Christ-followers; are willing to be real & to own their own junk, (their own sinful nature, & propensity to wander...)

a willingness to learn from others - young & old; to be a life-long learner, even if I'm not in school; to cultivate curiosity & to seek out & follow rabbit trails in my studies... sometimes they're divine rabbit trails... :)

to relentlessly, continuously, & without reservation keep at it.

Maybe in that, there is something of accountability - but its not formulaic or forced. It's 2-way. It's personally responsible. It's growing. It's graceful. It leaves room for error & failure, & is quick to forgive. It's love, in action.

Hmmm. I am fortunate - when I look at my life, I see lots of people that know me, really know me, & that I know back, sometimes in differing degrees... And I feel rich, & know that I'm a better man, friend, husband, father, brother, & son because of them.

feeling a little bookish...

2009-02-25T08:09:00.000-08:00

I can feel it coming on... it usually starts with an awareness of something that I hadn't seen before... & then I start seeing it everywhere. Awareness leads to interest, which leads to searching.. followed by discovery, immersion, & processing. This somehow, someway gets worked out in, through, & around my life. What am I talking about? I think I'd call it 'learning.' Something, somehow sparks an interest, a mental itch that gets scratched by the journey, the process of discovery, research, & thinking. One of the things that I'm excited about today it's a collection of writings from the early Christian church called The Apostolic Fathers, Vol. 1. Ever since Den's presentations on "The Historical Jesus," I've been meaning to dig into the life of Polycarp - who was the disciple of John, who was the disciple of Jesus - & this book not only has the "Letter of Polycarp," but also the account of his martyrdom at age 86.

I don't know where this is headed, but I think that its towards a better understanding of the early church, dealings with & responses to gnostic thought & gnosticism, & identifying, understanding, & working through a re-emergent gnosticism within the Church today...

On that note, I would love to develop a library in my house - one with big, wide shelves that go all the way to the ceiling, made of real wood, something rich & dark, upon which I could organize my stuff... I see a comfy chair, the perfect reading lights (because of course the room is dark & cave-ish...) & a place to smoke my pipe in contemplation, ala C.S. Lewis J.R.R.R.R. Tolkien & even Sherlock Holmes... I ponder the obvious opportunity for thought that pipes give is enhanced by the beautiful smell of pipe tobacco. Not that theBean would ever let me smoke it in the house. But this is a bit of a fantasy, so in this situation, I'm not only in the house, but I'm not hiding. :)

Books are & always have been a happy place for me - offering a refuge from the urgency of life, an opportunity for growth, new thought; for the possibility of transformation of a life outlook. Sigh.

I'm in the market for another copy of "The Lord of The Rings" - as my last copy I left in Alex's room in Gau Algesheim. It is a special thing to me, because it was a gift from my brother, Moe. My bags were 100% full, the book (a constant traveling companion) was well-worn, & Alex is a dear friend that I thought would appreciate that this wasn't just me not having space & trying to pawn off things that were disposable... rather, the book itself is a symbol of love & friendship, adventure & hope, comfort in times of loneliness, a reminder of a different time. And, I know that I'll be in Alex's home again, wherever it will be, & I will read that copy of LOTR again. Oh yes, it shall be done.

And now for something completely different, completely irrelevant...

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Friday musings...

2009-02-20T09:44:00.000-08:00

2 out of 3 of my kids, & 1 out of 1 of my wife enjoy coffee. As much as me? Nope. But they start the day with the Casi Cielo... It brings me joy. And it means that we're starting the day with a couple of pots. And that I get to work through learning to share, all over again.

Seeing the sun emerging with no clouds looming over the mountains... now THAT is beautiful, even if its just the brown Nevada mountains. Makes one want to go for a run...

Baseball can't come to Reno soon enough - I've been watching the construction of the Ace's new stadium down on Lake & 2nd. When I take a lunch, I like to drive down & watch the workers going in & out of the ever-developing construction site/turned real-life baseball stadium... & think what it will be like to be going down there this spring & summer... with family & friends. It's not that theBean is the world's biggest baseball fan, but our trip to Virginia last August sparked an interest, as we got to check out the Salem Avalanche turned Salem Red Sox... being at the event, surrounded by people & interesting food really made for some fun.

I know Reno has had semi-pro baseball for the last few years, but trust me. This is different.

Perhaps I need to get my eyes checked - yesterday, after my meeting with Brintus Maximus, I was experiencing some, shall I say, distress of the lower tract. So, upon getting home, I went to the medicine cabinet & pulled out the generic Imodium - we don't usually keep our meds in their original boxes because it takes too much room, so imagine if you will a stack of blister paks of meds.

About 60 minutes later, I was sitting at the office & couldn't keep my eyes open... this was beyond fatigue. Beyond the morning blahs. This was passing out on my desk. I couldn't understand why I was feeling this way... so I reached into my pocket to check & double-check the blister pak that the anti-diarrheal meds had been in. The generic drug name was all that was on the pack, so I had to do a GOOGLE search on it. Turns out Loperamide & Zolpidem look very, very similar while in the pak. And Zolpidem is a sleeping pill, which you're supposed to take 1/4 of. And I took a whole one, which meant that about 8 hours of sleep was 'encouraged,' (mandated?) after taking it.

I napped for about 45 minutes, & tried to 'white-knuckle' it through the day. Called theBean. Separated, even banished, the sleeping pills to the nether regions of the meds cabinet. I'm fortunate, I know, to not have had more negative consequences & side-effects.

I'm wrestling through what 'healing & restoration' look like, worked through & lived out in the context of relationship. There seems to be some real issues with this within theChurch at large. For example, I listen to a podcast from a guy who leads a church (when I say big, I mean Texas Big, which is about 40-50% bigger than Nevada big. If you have questions on what Texas Big means, I would encourage you to talk to a Texan, or former Texan, for some clarification. :)

Anyway, in his podcast, this guy, pastor, christian leader, recommends that when people leave the church, (esp. when its been in conflict or difficulty, esp. when they've been in leadership,) that they not be re-integrated into the church &/or leadership when they come back - because they've 'proven' themselves to be untrustworthy already... And this isn't an isolated incident, value or practice. And it leaves me asking...What?

How's about Luke 15 & the return of the lost son? How about Peter being restored by Jesus a few short weeks after denying Him 3 separate times? It seems that theChurch may be at odds with the Head of the Church. And it seems that Jesus doesn't seem to have a problem with seeing people repent, be forgiven, healed, & restored.

I know that it may not be instant, & that there's process involved. And mercy. And good boundaries, with a willingness to work through issues that led to the break in relationship. But man. As I see it, writing people off permanently isn't something that a Christ-follower has the 'luxury' of doing. And to do so, to be okay with it, seems to be adopting the ways of Egypt instead of living as people of promise (NOTE: I'm using EGYPT as a metaphor for Israel's adopting the customs & culture of the land where they'd been enslaved for 430 years, not to speak negatively about the current country...)

So that's what's running through my head.

Julia & I have a bet - before she leaves, she drinks coffee & I eat some fish. I think that she is getting off easy in this one, as coffee is imminently better than fish, any fish. But I know that I won't die, as I've taken the poison before, & survived.

Pretty stoked. For my personal Bible study/reading, I like to vary the translation that I read. Over time, I've gone through the KJV, NKJV, NIV, NRSV, NLT, The Message, & the CEV to name a few (all of which you can check out at: HERE... my friend Tim sent out a note asking a question about the ESV the other day, which prompted me, unrelatedly, to pick up a 'Gift & Award Edition" of the ESV for my next go-round. Yesterday, it arrived in the mail. I'm as giddy as a school girl.

Time to go "Forrest Gump."

Ciao!

confession, & other thoughts...

2009-02-17T16:56:00.000-08:00

Last week, I was doing some studies on what it means to REPENT... &, as often happens, I got lost on a rabbit trail, & spent some time chasing something that was connected loosely to what I'd started with. It was the word, CONFESS - (You can read the verses I was reading HERE & HERE)

I unexpectedly discovered that I have a very, very negative association, a nasty feeling in my belly, around the word confess... maybe its because I have watched too many "cop" shows, where "getting a confession" is something that the good guys do to the bad guys, often under duress. The threat of pain &/or punishment, emotional manipulation, & even downright blackmail are all fair game in the pursuit of a confession. And when a confession is finally worked out of the "perp", they're left as a broken, weak, vulnerable mess.

Transfer this context to the scriptures - & the instruction we're given to 'confess our sins to one another,' & that a part of repentance is the confession, the owning up to our sin, our wrongdoing. I found myself thinking, "if confession is like what I'm associating it with, it doesn't go along with what we know of God & His nature as revealed in the Scriptures & in the person of Jesus Christ - meaning, He is always, now & forever, a predictably good God - & doesn't put us through torture, torment, & blackmail in order to sweat a confession out of us.

So when I was chasing the Rabbit of Confession, I decided to take a look at what words the Bible writers used to get a better picture of the intended definition for confess in the original language.

And the definitions for confess, with the deluxe Strong's Concordance Word # next to each:

ἐξομολογέω - exomologeō - CONFESS: G1843 - to confess, to profess; acknowledge openly and joyfully; to one’s honour: to celebrate, give praise; to profess that one will do something, to promise, agree, engage...

ὁμολογέω – homologeō – CONFESS: G3670 - to say the same thing as another; to confess, to admit or declare one’s self guilty of what one is accused of; to profess; to declare openly, speak out freely; to profess one’s self the worshipper of one; to praise, celebrate...

To acknowledge openly & joyfully... my sins? To celebrate... where I've blown it? How could I do that? And why would I? Hmmm.

I let what I'd read sink in, & really meditated on it for several days; still, I couldn't come to grips with what this might mean, what it would look like, lived out in the context of my life, as I would REPENT, ask God to change my thinking & to transform me...

And then today, a light bulb went on.

Confession goes hand in hand with repentance - & can be celebrated, acknowledged openly & joyfully, not because our sins are so great & legendary that they're to be celebrated. Not at all - sin ends up in death & destruction. Always. Every time. And there's nothing to celebrate about that. BUT...

There IS something to be celebrated in the freedom that comes from confessing as a part of our repenting... from bringing sin & wrongdoing into the light . When I confess to God (& to another trustworthy, faithful person) I am not being self-deprecating; I'm agreeing with God's assessment of sin. And by bringing it to the light, I also bring it to the One person who is able to forgive me of my wrongdoing, & who has promised in His Word to not only forgive me, but to purify & cleanse me from all unrighteousness.

Hmmm. So I'm starting to get it. I think. I just know that my belly doesn't hurt anymore.

And in other thoughts... in some ways, I can't wait for baseball season to start already. I can only hope that the games will provide a welcome distraction from the daily barrage of accusations/revelations/discussions about PEDs, steroids, & HGH. Still, I'm not holding my breath.

Sigh.

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you... Woo woo woo.

What’s that you say, Mrs. Robinson? ‘Joltin Joe’ has left and gone away? Hey hey hey. Hey hey hey.

conversations with Jerry...

2009-02-12T11:35:00.000-08:00

A couple times a year, I get to share a meal with Jerry, a guy that has, through no fault of his own, shaped much of my outlook on the Church, the purpose of Church, & what it means to be a Christ-follower. I say through no fault of his own, because he said that he doesn't approach any relationship he has as "the mentor" - esp. because he is "looking to learn from" all sorts of people through friendship & interactions... but recognizes that others may see him or look to him in that role. And, he said, tongue firmly planted in cheek, if they do, that is "their problem."

While sitting in Claim Jumper over monstrous piles of food, Jerry brought up a topic for discussion... something that he said he & his buddy Steve have been kicking around for a while - REPENTANCE.

Both of them have been pastoring almost as long as I've been alive - & both of them have noticed a few current 'trends' within the Church. It seems that people in Church are struggling, trying to get free from the same sin & sin patterns... clingy, life-stealing stuff. And not really having much success. At the same time, the numbers of people being baptized in the Holy Spirit seems to be shrinking as well. In their discussions, prayers, & wonderings, the same thing kept coming up. REPENTANCE... or actually, the absence of it.

The gospel, Good News, that is being declared in & out of the Church is becoming increasingly a message of the forgiveness of sins... but is missing a (or THE) key component in the good news - repentance from sin. And instead of seeing transformed people living in freedom & vitality, the Church is filling up with 'reformed sinners' - people struggling with the same old, same old, basically white-knuckling their way to stopping the sinful patterns & life-traps that plagued their lives pre-Christ...

This topic really grabbed my attention - over the last 4-6 weeks, "REPENTANCE" has been showing up all over the place in my life - kind of how I started noticing all the VW's on the road when I got mine... I started receiving random emails with questions about it; friends relayed dreams where the main point of the dream was repentance; I'd study a section of scripture & would come across the word 10 times; I found an old teaching series called, "Fruitful Repentance," & started listening to it, only to have another friend, unknowingly, recommend I listen to the very same series I'd just found.

It was the reformed sinners comment that grabbed my attention - I have an idea of what he's talking about & what he's getting at - so I asked Jerry to give his definition of REPENTANCE - he said:

Repentance is acknowledging, & even owning my sin - recognizing specifically that I'm a sinner, a wrong-doer. And, on top of that, there is nothing that I can do to deal with & address my sin & sinful behaviors on my own. My own efforts at self-control, rooted though they may be in good-intentions, don't have what it takes to overcome it.

Further, repentance is turning FROM this sin, & turning TO Christ is inviting Christ into my situation - to transform me by the power of the Holy Spirit. And then to show me where & how I can cooperate with the Holy Spirit's transforming work in my life. Not to help me overcome it, but for Him to do the transformation. To do it. As a lifestyle.

It might just seem semantical to you, but something has clicked, (or at least has started to,) in my head & heart:

A "reformed sinner" wants the forgiveness of sins, (which the Church is proclaiming,) & to do good, live well. And sees that there are things in how they're living, thinking, behaving, etc that need to change... & then they set about to change it, asking for God's help in the matter, with little to no progress, success, or lasting change. And its not because the 'reformed sinner' is prideful or holding out on God - they're just doing what the Church has told them they should do... even getting water baptized, but still wondering why this just isn't clicking for them. So they try harder.

A transformed life is marked by steady progress turning away from the sins God has already pointed out in our lives, & an increasing awareness of additional sins He is uncovering in our minds/hearts. There is an increased "spiritual inheritance" (READ: life-giving obedience & relationship with God & others,) trust of God & His ways, (instead of my own plans,) humility, seeing myself as I am, with my God-given identity, knowing I'm not diminished by repenting, confessing sin, but rather am freed from it to live for God & for righteousness...

The conversation over dinner got me thinking at 110 m.p.h. When I got home, I did some reading in the New Testament, & found that every time the gospel/Good News message is proclaimed, repentance is at the center of it - & that the forgiveness of sins happens as a result of the repentance. A change of heart, mind, & thought follows --> leading to a transformed life.

Peter replied, “Each of you must turn from your sins and turn to God (REPENT), and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. Acts 2:38 NLT

...if we are living in the light of God’s presence, just as Christ is, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, cleanses us from every sin. If we say we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and refusing to accept the truth. But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that His word has no place in our hearts. 1John 1:7-10 NLT

I'm still pondering... wondering... reflecting... And I'm thankful for the conversation with Jerry.

a little humility...

2009-02-10T19:13:00.000-08:00

This afternoon after work, I went for a 4 mile run - nice & invigorating, especially after the sun the went down. (Read: invigorating means It was icy-cold.) Fortunately, I made sure to dress for the weather, meaning that my little ears, hands, & feet were all ably cared for & amply covered by the appropriate runners-wear.

The only thing that really suffered was my lips - the cold caused them to get pretty chapped by the time I was done. Usually, I carry a tube of "Lip Service," (Vanilla Ice flavor if you must know,) but today, it slipped my mind, so by the last 1.5 miles, all I could think about was getting to the car, (the Ex, the car theBean usually drives) & the tube of Burt's Bees that I'd seen in the center console. It made me fast.

I got to the car & applied the Burt's Bees liberally. Ahh. Relief.

Had a couple of places to go. 7-11 for a Double Gulp fill up. USPS.

When I got to Sev- (which of course is the way all the Cool Guys refer to 7-11), the people in line at the soda fountain gave me a look. A double take. Enough that I noticed. I felt like the guy behind the counter was trying not to look at me. Hmmm. As I paid the $1.19 for the refill, a guy that had just come in stopped & said, "Nice!" & then kept walking. People are weird.

At the Post Office, it was more of the same. What is UP with people today?

Got home & got ready to take a shower... happened to glance in the mirror on my way to bathing (no, it wasn't an Innerspace, "Tuck Pendleton, gazing in the mirror moment,") & saw that I looked... shiny. Glittery. Shimmery even. My lips were rosy. And sparkly. Uh oh.

I re-clothed & went to the Ex, to the center console where the Burt's Bees was... Turns out, I HAD applied the familiar Burt's Bees. But it also turns out, my favorite lip balm company also makes a product known as "Champagne Shimmer." And all the afternoon's funny looks make sense.

And I feel pretty...

a little help?

2009-02-09T13:22:00.001-08:00

I'd like to ask a favor of you - reader of this blog, the readers that I know, the blog-lurkers that I don't... even the random person that stumbled across this page in a chance Google search or 'go to next blog' moment.

I'm doing some studying for some writing & a speech or two, & would like to utilize your vast life experience to help myself out...

When you hear/think of the words "REPENT" & "REPENTANCE", what comes to your mind? What do you think of? It might be:

An image

thought

concept

idea

even a specific memory

Thanks in advance for your input.
Ciao!

...it's Friday again...

2009-02-06T09:03:00.000-08:00

I'm on hold, waiting for someone at the I.R.Service to get to my call... evidently, they have some questions for me... or I have some 'splainin to do. Over/under on the wait time? 15 minutes.

The Super Bowl has officially signaled the start of one of the more awkward times in the sports world - no football, baseball hasn't started, & the only thing for the hard core sports fanatic to do is watch the NBA or a miscellaneous College basketball game... both of which for some reason I am unable/unwilling to get into. Sigh. Maybe March Madness will bring some heat. At least it gives more 'free' time to write.

In November, I was staying at Alex's house & he had a great movie that he'd gotten for us to watch - kind of a "24" meets "Bond" starring Qui-Gon-Jinn... errr... Liam Neeson. It was great & I remember that it really was suspenseful & got my blood flowing pretty good. And that it was hard to sleep after. And that I wanted to make sure that I got acquainted with at least one really good 'Preventer'. And that my daughter would always travel with one.

And then I find out that "Taken" is coming out in theatres in January... hmm. I saw it in November in Deutschland. Hmmm. Lucky me.

Tonight, brother, Tom, & I are going to see it on the big screen. Nice. With popcorn to boot.

The I.R.Service call had me waiting for 22 minutes. Ohhhh. And I had no answers. And neither did they. Other than please call back in two weeks.

Sweet!

TheBean is off to work, & all I can think about is going running. I even had a dream about it last night. Weird. And it was positive even.

On that note, I also had a dream about eating McD's Double Cheeseburgers with the bun. And the Carl's Jr. Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger - with lots of BBQ sauce & bun. Normally I pull the bun off & just eat the insides of the burgers. Turns out that my way of eating is invading my dreamland. Hmmm.

Are we surprised that professional athletes 'may have taken' some form of pharmaceutical & biological enhancement to make their performance on their field of play better? Not really. I can remember suffering through shoulder rehab & ACL rehab... & if someone had offered me 'platelet therapy' or HGH to speed the healing & 'help out the body', I'd have seriously considered it. Pain hurts, & I didn't even have millions on the line.

Interesting that we get Bonds. McGwire. Clemens. Palmeiro. Scapegoats for an entire generation of athletes. Make's Ken Caminiti's statements about 50% of players being on the juice seem a little... closer to reality than anyone wanted to admit at the time.

Time to stretch. Time to run.
Ciao!

Friday musings...

2009-01-30T16:05:00.000-08:00

Went to a Thai restaurant today for lunch - with Werner & brother. A 5-star Orange Chicken - with the 5-star referring, supposedly, to the level of 'heat' that the chicken would bring to me. When I was eating it, I was wondering where on the scoey-scale this 5-star would show up, esp. when Werner told me that the cabbage style soup we started with, & seasoned with our very own jar o'spices, would only rank at most as a 3 star... I was worried, because that 3-star soup made me sweat & chug my way through a couple glasses of ice-water. Alas & alack... the 5-star was no big deal, ranking about the same as the 'mild' wings at Bully's - Pyramid Way... Not that I'm complaining - it had great flavor - I just didn't want to be 'revisited by the heat of the flame' later on in the day. Seems that I'm a bit more.... shall I say, sensitive to hot & spiciness than I was in the days of my ute.

Following through on the ground-ation of one's progeny requires a LOT of work. And perseverance. Sigh.

A day off is to be savored. Enjoyed. For the sake of being off. For the joy of life. And I'm finding that I have to contend for that more & more as the weeks pass.

As a part of the savoring of the day, theBean & I are going on a date - a group date to bowl. Not that we're Bowlers by any stretch of the imagination, but OCD & a little patience go a long way in knocking the pins over. And repeat.

For relaxation, I don't think that I've found a better combo than Bach's Brandenburg Concertos. And for focusing the mind.

On that note, Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture is hard to beat for sheer inspiration... I dare you to listen to it & not be jumping up & down as it reaches the final 90 seconds or so. Man.

Sometimes, just listening to certain music brings tears to my ears. Part of it is that these days, I cry without much provocation, & without agitation - I think its probably just the beauty, the joy, & sadness... or a combo of that & more that moves me. Which makes me glad that Den reminded me of the genius that is Eric Johnson - I wore out my copy of Ah Via Musicom back in the day - rewinding "Cliffs of Dover" over & over... Thanks for that.

Another thing are the memories attached to the music - where I was when I heard the music the first time, who I listened to it with, the experiences tied up into it.

Maybe that's why the Psalms as a songbook, & especially the "Songs of Ascent" (Psalm 120-134, sung by pilgrims 'going up' to Jerusalem) are so powerful.

Which gets me reminiscing... about other music stuff that moves me. Here's a couple...

Just about any thing by Rich Mullins - especially from the "Winds of Heaven, Stuff of Earth" album - especially the song, "If I Stand," which sure feels like a metaphor for my life. You can watch a series of YouTube clips taken from a concert he did starting HERE

You are My Joy - David Crowder. The musical interlude in the middle... man. One day, I want to play & sing this with a team.

Gomer's Theme - Third Day - the story of Hosea, put to music. It breaks my heart to think of Hosea, told to live as an example of God's heart for His people. And to do so by marrying Gomer, a prostitute, a woman who would cheat on him, lie to him, abandon him... only so that Hosea could go & love her again.

Dancing with Myself - Billy Idol. Makes me want to shake it.

The Finish Line, Jesus is For Losers, & Harder to Believe Than Not To - Steve Taylor

When I'm 64 - The Beatles. Reminds me of my brother, Moe. Nuff said.

Sigh.

Yet more reminders that life is beautiful...

2009-01-26T16:37:00.000-08:00

Heard the news from Sister, & have been watching the news & reading the occasional PB Article, wondering if & when I would hear the 'bad news' that my snack of choice, Skippy Extra Chunky Peanut Butter was on the roll-call of salmonella laced products. Alas, nothing yet.

And so, today, I celebrate with a spoon, a jumbo jar of Skippy, a plethora of Hershey's semi-sweets, & a fresh-pressed cup of java. Ahh. Life is beautiful.

And if that wasn't enough to bring me joy... all I have to do is walk into my office, & more often than not, meine Nichte, Ellie, is usually around to bring joy, a steady stream of yet unintelligible words, & a unstoppable quest for nanananana... here she is sitting at my desk reading my Bible... Ahh. Again....life is beautiful...

Last Saturday was the Memorial service for Francisco Aranda. I spent the majority of the time at the memorial cracking up over memories... discussions, my attempts to practice Spanish, stories about pre-Disneyland Anaheim, & my favorite, Francisco's very practical take on theology... I'm truly happy that we have a hope past just what this life offers, as well as the promise that we'll see each other again. His family has put together a memorial website & online guestbook - check it out HERE.

The confronting of fear, lies, & other Friday fun...

2009-01-23T08:25:00.000-08:00

The experiences & interactions of the last few days have given me cause to... pause. Reflect. Pray. In the middle of it, what keeps running through my head is this:

Jesus traveled through all the cities & villages of that area, teaching in the synagogues & announcing the Good News about the Kingdom. And wherever He went, He healed people of every sort of disease & illness. He felt great pity for the crowds that came, because their problems were so great & they didn’t know where to go for help. They were like sheep without a shepherd. He said to his disciples, “The harvest is so great, but the workers are so few. So pray to the LORD who is in charge of the harvest; ask Him to send out more workers for His fields.” Matthew 9:35-38 NLT

Luke 10:1,2 also relays this story - with the added context of Jesus' sending out 72 disciples, with the instructions to be doing the same as Him... & to pray for God, the LORD of the harvest - to send more workers for His fields...

And it resonates - not just because of the faceless masses, people I don't know... but because of those within "my circle" - friends, & friends of friends - people needing the Good Shepherd, so many with such a wide range of needs that it almost drives me to distraction... I dig. Why?

It bothers me so much because of my own felt inadequacy, & brokenness - & I wonder what I can do? I know Jesus Christ, & I'm following Him. I know that the Holy Spirit convicts, changes, & transforms, brings from darkness to light. And I 'know' my role is to be somebody that lives, that models, Christ in me, doing what He would do, being what He is in the context of my circle. And yet I'm afraid. If & when I engage with people, I'm afraid it won't be enough. I articulate my fear: what if God doesn't follow through?

Now. It's out. Brought into the light, the fear that has been twisting me, nagging in the shadows of my heart is exposed for what it is. A lie, sown in doubt, used to trip me to hopelessness. Inaction. Distraction. To focus solely on my own issues, short-comings, areas that need to be 'put back together'... & not falling on the freedom, entering the adventure of faith, trust, & life. Knowing that I know that I know that God is able to heal. Restore. Transform. Forgive. Love. And that He has commissioned, empowered, & strengthened me to do just that. And to look for opportunities to do so.

So instead of waiting for someone else, someone stronger, farther along, more competent, more 'together' to be one of the 'workers' in His harvest, I know that God has sent me instead. And you. And it starts with love. First me receiving it from God, then sharing what I've been given with others. I choose love - healthy, Godly, unconditional, love. To speak the truth in love. Invest in people, without regard for what's in it for me? Without hope of reciprocity. And I pray along with the Apostle Paul:

When I think of the wisdom & scope of God’s plan, I fall to my knees & pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven & on earth. I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will give you mighty inner strength through His Holy Spirit. And I pray that Christ will be more & more at home in your hearts as you trust in Him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, & how deep His love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life & power that comes from God. Now glory be to God! By His mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. May He be given glory in the church & in Christ Jesus forever & ever through endless ages. Amen. Ephesians 3:14-21

Monday evening musings...

2009-01-19T21:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I find great comfort in marking the passing of time through the advancement of seasons as marked through TV series... the arrival of a new season of a long-awaited series is like a healing balm to aching joints... Hello, 24! And BSG!

Listening (reading?) someone arguing their ethical viewpoint doesn't quite make sense to me... esp. the argument, "If I do this for you, then I'd have to do it for everyone..." Bull. Every situation is different - & I think you just might be hiding behind the fact that you don't want to make a hard decision & have to live through it.

When I talk to my kids about what it was like when I was growing up, & relay specific stories relating to things that they're going through currently in their life, they look at me like A) I'm a liar or B) like the world today is so different there's no way what I'm saying/relating could possibly be relevant to their oh-so-sophistimicated lives...

Case in point - the High School years - I was talking to Pasty & theBean - & relating to Pasty some of the difficult decision making situations I'd been in at his age that involved the attempted seduction BY the opposite sex. I counted 10 separate instances where my virtue had been challenged, my heart wooed, & the overt assault, attempt to get me to engage prematurely in the horizontal polka had taken place... all by the time I was 17. And the Pasty Gangsta just smiled at me like I was making it all up. Oh that learning can come through the wisdom of others, & not through the School of Hard Knocks.

The richness of relationship that I have the privilege of enjoying currently is something far beyond anything that I've ever thought I would have. To all of you - thank you for being integrally involved in my life. You have no idea how enriching you are to me & mine.

Hershey's chocolate stands up to any chocolate, worldwide. Swiss chocolate be darned.

U2's new one, Get On Your Boots is out & about. Enjoy.

The Arizona Cardinals are in the Super Bowl. A great story, & a lineup, a series of matchups that have to make Las Vegas nervous, & the Steelers lose sleep.

In retrospect, the Lord of the Rings trilogy is amazing.

I'd like to go to sleep, a sleep without dreams, without tossing & turning, a sleep with no alarm clock to ruin it. I can dream. :)

Speaking of dreaming, something that has crept into my waking hours is a longing to be warmed by the sun, cooled by the sea-spray, held by the sand, refreshed by the fruity, tropicalness in a place, domestic or exotic, where theBean & I can rest, recharge, & be filled. Oh yes, it will happen.

Suffering...

2009-01-17T18:37:00.000-08:00

My last post (more of a "sentence" than a post,) was penned late at night while I was pondering something - rejection - something I know that I'm not alone in having experienced. I even have probably dished out a bit of it myself, albeit unknowingly. Anyhow, I was thinking about rejection, both from the aspect of experiencing a recent & fresh dose of it, & also from the standpoint of Jesus Christ being intimately familiar with it Himself.

When I think about the sufferings of Christ, the first thing that comes to mind is His suffering leading up to the cross - being scourged by the Roman soldiers, beaten with sticks & fists, forcibly being fitted with a crown of Jerusalem thorns... & finally being nailed to the cross.

But Jesus' suffering wasn't limited to the cross... in doing a little digging, you can see that His suffering was something that was experienced in every area of life. I re-read Isaiah 53 the well known prophecy about the 'suffering servant', a passage that foretold the suffering of Christ on the cross. However, something else in the passage caught my eye:

My servant grew up in the LORD’S presence like a tender green shoot, sprouting from a root in dry and sterile ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him. He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way when he went by. He was despised, and we did not care. vv2,3

He was despised and rejected? Acquainted with the bitterest grief? I dug some more - & read through the gospels doing a word search for "rejection" & "suffering" - what I found was:

Matthew 10:24-26 – on the subject of suffering – if/since Jesus (the master) suffered, all of His followers will suffer as well.

Matthew 21:42 – Jesus was the 'stone that the builders rejected,' the One who has since become the Cornerstone (the main stone of a building, upon which all of the walls are based...)

Mark 6:1-5 – upon returning to His hometown of Nazareth, & revealing Himself as the Messiah, it says that Jesus was rejected at Nazareth - by the people who knew Him best.

Mark 9:12 – Jesus prophesied to His disciples that He, the Son of Man would go through sufferings & be treated with contempt

You can see more on this if you check out Luke 2:34; 9:22; 17:25...

Other thoughts race through my mind - Jesus' family thought He was crazy, out of His mind, & came to Him while He was teaching in order to "put Him away..."

After pouring His life out for 3 years to His disciples, one of them, Judas Iscariot, betrays Him to the Jewish leaders/Roman soldiers for 30 pieces of silver, the going price for an ox. An ox! The Son of God sold for the price of livestock. On top of that, when He was arrested, every one of His disciples ran away from Him, abandoning Him. Worse, when confronted with the opportunity to be associated with Jesus, Simon Peter denied that he even knew Jesus, 3 separate times. To a servant girl.

In Romans 5, we're encouraged that we should "rejoice in our sufferings, because they produce in us endurance..." And Paul, a man well acquainted with suffering & rejection, reminds us in 8:18 that the sufferings of this present time, any & everything we go through, is not even worth comparing with the glory that is awaiting us in Christ... He even says:

I want to know Christ & the power of His resurrection & the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like Him in His death, if somehow I may attain the resurrection from the dead... Philippians 3:10

He wants to know Christ - even if... WHEN it means the sharing of the same sufferings Christ endured.

Later, Peter, the same Peter who betrayed Jesus Christ, writes to Christ-followers going through life's wringer, saying:

Do not be surprised at the fiery trial taking place – to test you– as though something strange were happening to you. Instead, rejoice as you are sharing Christ’s sufferings, so you may be glad & shout for joy when His glory is revealed. If you are rejected & hated for the name of Christ, you are blessed because the spirit of glory, which is the Spirit of God, is resting on you... if you suffer as a Christ-follower, rejoice, because you bear His name...

The rejection & suffering that Christ endured went far beyond the cross - & often came at the hands of those He knew best, those closest to Him - His family & the people in His hometown.

It gives me great courage & encouragement, peace & faith, to know that Christ endured this type of rejection as well, being hated, & reviled, abandoned, & denied... & He endured to the end, through it all, & gives us an example to follow - one filled with grace, healing, restoration, & life.

Rejection hurts -& we're promised suffering if/since we follow Christ... yet in the middle of all of it, God gives us grace to endure; to persevere. To bring glory to Him.

be-jected...

2009-01-16T00:39:00.000-08:00

Rejection hurts, even if its passive.

Missions Development...#10, or "Why 'It's all good' Is Not Acceptable as a Missions Philosophy..."

2009-01-14T17:07:00.001-08:00

The Romania team got together 1x with everyone who had signed up to go – about 6 weeks out. Turns out that our application & screening process, (supposed to come with an interview, age minimum, checking for a semblance of maturity in Christ,) had turned out to be a ‘suggestion’ for some groups.

There were approximately 12 churches represented, with 125 people on the team; most churches had at least 1 adult leader with them. At this point, the unanswered questions from the scouting trip came back to haunt us – magnified- became clear through our ‘interactions’ that there was a serious issue: we lacked a cohesive idea of what the mission was about – so, everyone made it about what they thought it should be.

I dreaded the real-deal.

In August – we flew out of SF to Helsinki, Finland, the a plane to Budapest, then took buses to Romania. Rather than go through every day & every issue – the snapshots of the trip:

Groups of loud, obnoxious Christian teens making the “sleeping” portion of the trip east unbearable for just about everybody. And not sleeping. One memory is a guy playing his guitar at about 3 in the morning. On the plane. And when he was told to put it away by the flight attendant, he couldn’t believe he wasn’t allowed to ‘worship.’

One 16 year old guy got so scared on takeoff out of SF that he literally pooped his pants. Then sat in it for the 10 hour flight. It was only upon arrival in Helsinki that the accident was discovered & his adult leader had to make him (MAKE HIM) change his pants. The weirdest part was that he had a spare pair of skivvies & shorts in his carryon. The one he’d had on the plane. Turns out he was a bit emotionally disturbed, & probably shouldn't have come on the trip in the 1st place.

Arriving in Budapest, & having the suitcase with all of our materials for the outreach not show up – (it arrived back in Reno 3 months later. Intact. Weird.)

Getting loaded onto buses in groups of about 20… & realizing that there was no one (or several someones) making sure that everyone was accounted for - & that the only one that supposedly knew where we were going was the bus-driver. Who didn’t speak any English.

Having our bus break down on the voyage from Budapest to Oradea, & waiting for hours for someone to come & fix the bus. Being left alone on the bus while the bus driver left & went… somewhere. He eventually came back, but not before many of us were THIS close to formulating a plan of action & an attempt to find help on our own.

Finally arriving at our “hotel” in Felix, very near Oradea, & finding that there was still at least 1 bus that hadn’t arrived yet. It stumbled in in the wee hours of the next day, with all the people who had been stuck on it looking like death warmed over.

Finding out that I would be staying on the 11th floor, (albeit with Chum!) & that the elevator didn’t work. And on Day 3 finding out by default that the water in the building didn’t quite make it up to our floor anymore. Meaning we had to use the facilities (showers, toilets, sinks) of our friends on the 3rd floor on down.

Cockroaches – initially it was repulsive, & Chum & I would count the ones we could see, & then try to squish them. It was tough because there were so many, it was impossible to keep them out of the bed – which made it tough to sleep for the first couple of days. However, the combination of familiarity & exhaustion soon made it so that we just either ignored the creepy-crawlers on the floor, walls, & bed, or we named them. Weird to think about the fact that we got “used” to having cockroaches in our beds.

Discovering that for all 125 of us, there was no firm plan for what we would do each day - & that any plans would be made on the fly by Stefan & our hosts from the Romanian Pentecostal Church. Which meant that things (plans, organization, scheduling, in every area) were worse than anticipated.

On that note – the food situation was rough – the area of Romania where we were & the state of the economy being what it was – our hotel had very little in the way of food. So, the breakfasts that we were to eat at the hotel usually consisted of a rotting tomato, a slice of moldy cheese, & stale bread, accompanied by boxed water.

The water was mineral (bubbly) water, which I like. However, there was a group-wide insurrection at having to drink “that”. So I & Fearless Leader spent 1 full day trying to find a place that had still water. Finally did, but it blew me away that our group (& the leaders were the BEST at this) would complain about the situation the way we did.

One day we found a McDonalds on our route to the hotel - & ended up finding a way to take our bus by it every day – we bribed the driver & would buy as much food as we could carry to stash for later, & to feed the driver & his family too. McDonalds never tasted so good.

Fearless Leader & Stefan kept disappearing for hours at a time, every day. Turns out, while we were waiting for our hosts to come up with a plan on the spot, something for 125 people to ‘do” on this mission trip, they were at a tennis club playing tennis together. That one still rankles me.

My group ended up getting set to the same place to do work for several days – even when there was no more work to be done. And, the 1 thing that we’d really wanted to do, & had been promised that we’d be able to, to go to one of the Romanian orphanages, didn’t happen. Dealing with that disappointment was crushing. As was the problem of an ever-decreasing group-wide morale.

There was 1 phone in the hotel that could be used to call the States – & only during a 2 hour period of the day, & only if the operator & owner of the phone was bribed $10 US by every person, every time, that wanted to use it. After the fiasco of the scouting trip, I decided that if I couldn’t call theBean, at least I would use a tape recorder to communicate with her during the trip - & then give her the cassette tape when I got back.

There was an undercurrent of personality conflicts, leaders having issues with each other, & out & out insurrection against Fearless Leader. Which of course modeled our Christianity up close & personal for all who were exposed to it.

From my perspective, our hosts made sure that the outreaches were tailored just for us - so we could have our missions experience, give an altar call, & pray for the people that came forward... And the focus was definitely on the "numbers of people saved" (e.g those that came forward) without any thought given to what happened to them after we went home...

One night, we found our way to a pseudo-restaurant near our hotel – turns out it was a restaurant (good!) & a dance club (bad!) It didn’t take long for the majority of our group to get onto the dance floor to bust a move. After a couple days of this, we found out that dance clubs were one of the things that Romanian Christians looked at as ‘the devil’s playground,’ & a place that was as distasteful & ‘sinful’ as a house of prostitution… meaning that in their view, the only people who went there were the unredeemed pagans, & loose living hedonists. And of course, the American missions team. Had a hard time talking through that with the whole team, as several of the American team leaders from different places wanted our Romanian hosts to just “lighten up,” & didn’t seem to care much that it bothered them so bad. So much for cultural sensitivity.

The crowning moment of the trip was the return of the mob – just down the hallway from my & Chum’s room, there was a collection of rough-looking characters (reminiscent of the Hotel Dacia, but without guns.) They were fairly rowdy, & had women in & out of the room – but mostly they kept to themselves. Except for this time.

We had just gone to sleep, when there was a commotion. By commotion, I mean screaming, crying, & loud voices yelling. And a siren. Then there were what sounded like fireworks popping, but what must have been a gun being fired. I was mortified. Chum & I were praying under our blankets with the roaches. I grabbed my tape recorder, & dictated my last words to theBean, & a modified last will & testament. No exaggeration, it sounded like WW3 outside our door, & I was sure that we were going to die. Then, someone started banging on OUR door. To the room we were staying in. And yelling in Romanian for us to open it. We didn’t. We prayed more, & finally they went away. We looked out the window to the ground below & saw a ‘paddy wagon’ that was being loaded with a few people.

Turns out, the Romanian cops had showed up & busted our mob friends from down the hall. Hmm.

Its not that everything that happened was bad – its just that SO MUCH of it was. A few people came to know Jesus, & the group from our city had grown closer in the midst of adversity. At the same time, it felt like we’d wasted our money in going on the mission. Worse, we hadn’t been prepared for, & many of us felt like we’d wasted our time, been ineffectual, & had nothing really to show for our time there. Worse still, the majority of the bad could have been avoided by simply making sure that the questions that we’d had on the scouting trip got answered before we would go on the trip.

What I took from this experience was the fact that I needed a missions philosophy – some clear, concrete guidelines based on values & relationship… something that would provide a screening process for what we would/wouldn’t do in the future for missions.

In the weeks after the trip, I put my thoughts on paper… & wondered if going to Germany was still as good an idea as I’d thought the previous May…

Missions Development...#9, or "Just a few minor details is all..."

2009-01-13T16:11:00.000-08:00

We left Budapest (& Romania) in our rear-view mirror – I was thankful to have survived our trip & all the drama, sex, & danger of the Hotel Dacia… we were picked up at the Frankfurt Airport (Fraport) & taken to lunch with Johannes for bratwurst, handkäse mit music (a vinegar hardened stinky cheese covered with onions,) & apfelwein (a wine made out of apples, which is a Frankfurt specialty.)

Keep in mind that this is happening in May ’97 - & that the purpose of this scouting trip was to prepare for a missions trip to Romania in August ’97. I was introduced to the “German way” – when Johannes told us what he’d been doing in the few days we’d been in Hungary/Romania – evidently, Germans like to plan, & to have little things like “a few minor details” together well in advance… Johannes had a ‘mock up’ itinerary of what we could be doing if we were to return to Germany for a mission in August ’98… as the German Foursquare National Youth Movement was already preparing for an outreach in several cities at that time. Johannes, Fearless Leader, Nate, & myself talked for a couple of hours about the possibility of about coming to Germany in 1998 to provide support for their outreach & to build relationship with the youth & leaders that would be participating.

Here’s what was proposed, discussed, & pseudo-planned:

There will be a team of Germans, made up of students & leaders from the Foursquare churches within Germany, making it a ‘national event’ for the Movement.

We would bring a team of Americans, made up from our church in Carson City, & some others from our District.

For Phase 1, the first 3 days, all the Germans & Americans would gather at a campground just outside of Frankfurt – to spend time together, get to know each other – eat – worship – & prepare. This meant that the German/American teams would be split up into 3 mini-teams for specific teaching & preparation for where each of the mini-teams would be going in the next phase of the mission.

Phase 2, the next 7 days, the 3 mini-teams would head to the places that they would be going – 1 group going to Berlin, 1 to Mainz, & 1 to Kiensburg (a small ‘city/village’ of about 1500 in the south-eastern part of the country.) Then, each of the teams in the 3 cities would work together under the coordination of the local German church… believing that the local congregation would know best what they would like to do for outreach. The German/American teams would function in support for the local church outreach, providing man & woman power.

Phase 3, then, for the next 7 days: all 3 teams would come back together in Frankfurt – to do outreach with the local Frankfurt congregation (where Johannes was the youth pastor) in Frankfurt’s downtown – using what the local church usually used to connect with their city – random acts of kindness; drama; music; sharing of personal testimonies, & a open-air presentation of the gospel.

And, of course, all of these things would be confirmed by a ‘scouting’ trip – one where we’d come to Germany & visit each of the potential venues, meet with the local pastors, & plot out the specifics for each day (hour even?) of our time in-country.

Just a few minor details? I don’t think so – I had the sense that I was already more prepared for Germany ’98 than I was for Romania ’97… & by the end of our discussion, I was FEELING it. This resonated with me, in my guts. This was the kind of thing that I’d hope to be able to be a part of – something that would seemingly be beneficial to the local church(es), the kind of initial connection that would facilitate (or at least make available) a longer term connection for the building of relationships – I couldn’t wait…

Johannes took us back to the airport so that we could catch our flight back to the UK … when he dropped us off, he prayed for each of us (a story in itself.) When he prayed over me, I remember him saying, “God has given you a pastor’s heart. You can embrace it. It’s good, & it fits you.” (Reference this POST for more on this.)

This made 3x in the space of 2 weeks that 3 strangers had said basically the same thing to me – & I believe that it was 3x in order to remind me that this wasn’t something of my own creation - it had nothing to do with my dad being a pastor – it was a gentle hint, a nudge really, towards something that God would open up for me in the appropriate time, in the right place, as I would keep saying, “Yes” to Him & to what He’d put in front of me.

And we flew home - London to San Francisco. The 3 of us talked briefly about what had stood out to us about our trip, & made some tentative plans for what would be happening over the next 3 months as we got ready for Romania... but mostly we slept, or tried to sleep...I discovered that the end of a trip is not the best time to strategize, as by that time, you just want it to be over, to be home, to shower, & to sleep in your own bed...

Coming up:
Final preparations for Romania '97.
A few signs that there was trouble ahead.
And the trip to end all trips.

Once again...

2009-01-11T15:48:00.001-08:00

...I'm a-messing with my template. I really liked my last one, but had a hard time with the attempted modifications I wanted to make to said template. Esp. difficult was the 'commenting.'

Brint's last comment pushed me to make the changes necessary.

So here I am, Huckleberry.

Francisco Aranda

2009-01-08T16:59:00.000-08:00

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. Psalm 116:15

This afternoon at about 2p.m. Francisco Aranda died.

He was a hero to me - & was one of the key people that God used in my early days here in Reno to keep me standing, living on task, & what it meant to be faithful to the call of Christ.

I'll never forget his answer any time he was thanked for one of the myriad helpful things he had done, for the people he fed weekly, for the odd-jobs he did to keep the physical building of the church looking good, & the prayers from the church flowing. He always responded:

...unto the LORD.

Heaven rejoices today.

Mirror, mirror...

2009-01-06T13:07:00.000-08:00

When I looked in the mirror, what I saw reflected back at me was unacceptable. Fat. Ugly. Distorted. Off. But to me, that was normal - it was how I saw myself, & to me, it was reality. It didn't matter if there was someone there with me who told me "how nice" I looked, I knew it was probably just someone exercising their 'social graces" & not acknowledging what I (& probably everyone else) knew to be true.

Looking back on it, I think it was that my perception, my reality, my lens for looking at me & my life situations was skewed, like a carnival mirror. Where the image that is reflected is distorted, inaccurate, yet just as painful to observe. And remember.

So I stopped looking the mirror... but I could still remember what I "looked" like - the distorted images of me, the twisted outlook on life. My reality. Which remained, until my mirror was replaced...

And I looked into it again.

Missions Development...#8, or "Welcome to the Hotel Dacia..."

2008-12-31T10:16:00.000-08:00

We left the church, drove the YUGO, & attempted to follow Moises, who didn’t seem to know where he was going – we hadn’t gotten around to eating dinner, & I was as hungry & tired as I’d been so far on the trip.

Finally got to our hotel around 11:30 p.m. – the Hotel Dacia… I wasn’t sure if it was because of my cloudy eyes, the moonless night, or what… it was dark… even inside the Hotel… as though the lightbulbs were all 30watters that emitted only a yellowish light, making it hard to see any depth or details…

As we headed into the poorly lit lobby towards the check-in desk…something grabbed my eye… at the side of the lobby, seated in a faux-living room set up, were about 5 guys, surrounded by several scandalously dressed women… obviously prostitutes or ‘call girls,’ higher end than what I’d seen on the road to Oradea… BTW: it wasn’t the women that caught my eyes… it was the guys standing next to the couch holding Tommy Guns. Yes. Real, ‘20’s style Tommy-Guns, like you’d have expected to see Al Capone’s guys using in The Untouchables

What the heck? Who’d these guys think they were, mobsters?

Then it hit me – from the time that the Berlin Wall fell in 1989, the communist & communist supported governments had been toppling… Romania’s own dictator, Ceaucescu had been executed in 1989, & with him, the Communist government & economy tumbled into chaos… over the succeeding years, one of the organizations most successful at filling the economic void & paving a road out of communism was the Russian mafia… & here they were, with business flourishing, in the lobby of the hotel I was staying in.

My brain clicked into high gear as I realized what was happening in front of my eyes. A local arm of the Russian mafia was running a pseudo-brothel at the largest hotel, (esp. for tourists) in all of Oradea… & though I was tired, it didn’t take a genius to figure that there MAY have been other illegal activities going on… the kind that would need a couple of conspicuously placed Tommy Guns for protection & muscle. I prayed, silently & fervently. The fear I felt was tangible & ominous.

Upon arriving in the room, I told everyone what I’d seen, & asked Moises WHAT we were doing in the same hotel as the MOB… … he explained:

Yes, it is the mob. Romanian local bad guys supplied by a larger, Russian based family.

And, they’re all over the city, in just about every hotel, business, etc…

If you avoid them, don’t be disrespectful, & don’t flash cash, they usually leave you alone.

It was such a common thing to him – how he described it was like I would describe the existence of blackjack tables in a casino back home…

At midnight, Moises helped us call for pizza - Fearless Leader ordered the biggest one they had, with “everything.” (NOTE: we were in Romania. What does EVERYTHING mean in Romania? I didn’t even know what EVERYTHING meant at home…) Within about ½ hour (Domino’s Pizza would have been proud,) our delivery guy showed up with the pizza. He spoke some English, & asked where we wanted him to put the pizza. Fearless Leader pointed to the dresser… so Pizza guy opens up the box, & dumps the pizza onto its crust on the dresser… & takes the box with him, presumably so that it could live to fight another day… & be re-used. We sat with no napkins, plates, utensils of any kind, looking at the pizza sitting on the dresser.

I took a look to see what EVERYTHING meant in Romania – turns out I couldn’t identify many of the objects on the pizza… but there were a couple of creatures with eyes – I think they were fish of some sort… smelled fishy. A couple of fried eggs. Onions. Peppers. Olives. Various meat-type products. Hmm. I could pick off what I didn’t want.

Went into the bathroom to find something we could use in place of napkins… & found that the toilet paper was… less processed than I was used to… it had what looked like toothpick-sized pieces of wood in the paper… NOTE: be very, very careful when using…

There wasn’t anything to drink to wash down our EVERYTHING pizza… & we needed something to drink. Moises had told us that we should avoid tap water, as it would wreak havoc on our intestinal systems… So, Nate (the guy traveling with me & Fearless Leader,) decided that he was going to go down to the lobby & see if there was a Coke machine or something.. I voiced my objections, after all, the Mob was downstairs, but the guys were thirsty, & Nate was going. I couldn’t stand the thought of letting him go downstairs alone, so over my better judgment I went with him.

We took the elevator down to the lobby & headed to the front desk. No luck – there were no soda machines anywhere nearby, & all the stores in the neighborhood were closed, (like you could have gotten me to head outside anyway,) He pointed us towards the bar - & thought that we might be able to find something there. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the Mob, the women & the guys with guns were nowhere to be found…

We walked into the room where the bar was… It turns out that it wasn’t a bar, per se. It was a strip club. And the reason we hadn’t seen the mob in the lobby was that they had relocated to this room. Great.

I asked the bartender if he had any sodas… Fanta Orange was all they had. Whatever. I paid for it, & we headed for the elevator. About halfway across the lobby, I heard somebody yelling, “Hey! Hey!.”

We were being followed by two of the mob guys, & they each had a girl with them. I rushed to the elevator (didn’t run) & pressed the button, waiting for the elevator doors to open. By that time the guys had caught up with us. I pretended that I didn’t see them, & faced the elevator doors – one of the guys said, “You will take women.”

Nate had positioned himself safely on the other side of me, so I was between the guys, the women, & Nate. I said something smart like, “Oh, no thank you. We don’t need women.”

That evidently wasn’t the right response… the first guy stepped closer to me & repeated, louder & with more intensity, “You WILL take women!” Again, I answered him, saying something like, “Thanks anyway, guys. But we’re both married, so we don’t need women.”

Open door. Open door. Open door. And nothing.

By this time, I was facing the two guys, the women were hanging out all over & one of the guys with a gun was looking at us from across the lobby.

Once again, he repeated, “You WILL TAKE WOMEN.” I sighed. And prayed. And looked at the guy, trying not to look threatening, thinking that he was going to take me out, & whack me (or do some other Mob stuff,). I said, ‘Guys, I’m tired. No offense, but I don’t want to take any of your women; I just want to go upstairs & go to sleep.” The guy looked at us long & hard, & said… “Ok,” & turned away, & with the other guy & the ladies, headed back into the ‘bar.’

The doors picked that time to open up, so Nate & I jumped in & pressed the button to head to our room, Fanta in tow. Whew! I can remember going in the bathroom, shaking & crying. I prayed & thanked God for protecting me. I collapsed on the bed & slept like a log.

Moises arrived in the a.m. to take us around to the nearby sites where we’d be working with the local church that summer. He took us to Felix, where we met with Stefan, the guy from the American parachurch organization, the same guy that Fearless Leader had worked with at some point in the past. Stefan spent about an hour with us – took us to the hotel we’d be staying at, showed us a field where we’d be able to do our ministry stuff… as far as the other things we’d be doing, like visiting orphanages &/or doing work projects… we were told that those things weren’t ready yet, but that everything would be ready upon our arrival in August. Really? I asked a couple of questions, & was told, “It will all come together BUH-dee. This is what I do for a living…”

And then we were done. We’d spent less than 18 hours in country & now were headed back across the border. - & were on day 8 of our trip. I couldn’t believe it. (Well, by this time, I could. But I was incredulous.) Most of the questions that we’d had about that summer’s trip remained unanswered. Stefan was more interested in setting up tennis matches with Fearless Leader than with talking through details, & no one seemed to have a problem with any of the nebulous details except for me. At some point, it made me wonder if I was the one with the issue, the only guy that didn’t GET it. Why wasn’t anyone else bothered by the lack of details? And why would we go forward with the trip with so many unknowns? Esp. to a place that was so potentially wrought with danger?

Nate & Fearless Leader chatted away the trip back to Hungary in the YUGO while I sat in the back & stewed. Tried to figure out what I could do, should do about the trip I said I would help out with - & struggled through my own insecurities & lack of surety about my own identity… & wrestled with how I could not NOT go on the trip - & explained away the alarms going off in my head, things that I would now recognize as ‘red flags…’

I missed theBean. I missed my kids. I was tired, emotionally drained, & confused. I took solace that our trip back to Budapest would be a quick one, & that we’d be flying back to Frankfurt to meet with Johannes for a day.

Missions Development...#7

2008-12-30T15:18:00.000-08:00

We did talk more, & some of the things that we dreamed about (mostly through asking questions,) provided a big part of the skeleton for what has morphed into my own (& Hillside’s) ‘missions philosophy…’ A few of the highlights:

What if a (the?) stated purpose of the mission trip was to cultivate the development of a long-term committed relationship with a people & place in a spot different than our own? And that the activities, ministry, & time spent were tailored to foster the support, encouragement, & strengthening of the local church?

What if a stated purpose of missions wasn’t solely to try to gain converts/decisions/statistics? What if any/all ‘ministry’ stuff would happen with the leadership & direction of the people who live there, & work within the context of their own culture, city, & place?

What if each church/people/group made a commitment to each other – to have a mutual relationship, as defined by a willingness to give/receive people – that people from both places would/could go back & forth?

What if instead of trying to go to as many different locales/missions destinations as possible, we were willing to commit to invest in the same spot, with the same people, over an extended period of time?

And what if we let the places we would go & commit to be made evident by God “opening doors,” revealing people bridges (relationship-based,) God’s making a way, & establishing “divine appointments?”… which are revealed/discovered by applying a ‘litmus test’ made up of questions, like those listed above…(as I was writing this, I noticed the word COMMIT show up in various forms, all over the place. Interesting.)

The German/Euro conference drew to a close, but we made some tentative plans to get back together to discuss some mission possibilities for the next year – Johannes & ICHTHYS, as a part of the German national ministry, were going to do an ‘all-country” outreach to at least 4 cities in Germany… & maybe we could be a part of it, a plan that included my two traveling companions too…

Through some juggling of our itinerary, our fearless leader told us that we’d be coming back to Frankfurt in a couple of days, after doing our scouting trip to Romania – scouting out the land, seeing where we’d be, who we’d be with, etc…

We made our way to the airport, & boarded a plane to… Budapest. As in Hungary. So here we were, 7 days into a 10 day trip, where the set purpose was to go to Romania in preparation for a mission we would be leading there just 3 short months away, & we still hadn’t quite arrived…

But, we’d been to London. Birmingham. Newcastle. To Frankfurt. To Fulda. And now Budapest.

We arrived in Budapest, one of Europe’s most beautiful cities, & took a taxi to the hotel where we’d be staying. Our stuff was unloaded, & “we” decided to do some site-seeing, which involved driving across the bridge between Buda & Pest, as well as seeing some of the things that the Romans had done to Hungary. Most of my memories about this revolve around frustration, inaction, & attempts to endure… without losing it, if possible.

Next morning around 9, we rented a car (something the size of a YUGO if my memory serves me right,) & began the 220km (140 mile) voyage to Oradea, a city about 8 km inside the Romanian border. What should have taken us 2 ½ hours to drive ended up taking 9… we got lost on some Hungarian back roads; found a ‘restaurant’ based in someone’s home, at which we ordered… wait for it… wait for it… Hungarian goulash. By the grace of God, we came across an English speaker that directed us to the road we needed to cross into Romania – (NOTE: Hungarian is like no other language I’ve ever seen or studied… And there is no way to ‘fake’ one’s way through social situations like we’d been doing in England & Germany… it really was a harbinger of what was to come in Romania…)

The two things that I remember the most about the road to Romania were:

The scores of naked/nearly naked women walking the ‘highway,’ selling their bodies to passersby… and the ever-present, always visible pimps that dominated their reality. It breaks my heart to think of it today.

The miles & miles of trucks lined up at the border, waiting to cross into Romania from Hungary… a line that we were fortunate to be able to avoid due to the lack of size of our car.

Somehow, again by the grace of God, we navigated our way to the main landmark in Oradea around 6 p.m., at which point we were met by our guide, Moises – a Romanian about 25, who took us to his church, the one we would be doing the outreach ‘with.’ A church service was beginning, but the 3 of us were ushered into the pastor’s office to meet him.

I could hear the music playing in the sanctuary, signaling that worship had begun – I was irritated at the ongoing snafu that was our traveling situation; I was bothered with my traveling companions in the way that happens when you’re with someone 24/7. I was tired, & my mind was drifting… all the while, Moises was translating for the three of us & the pastor. I wanted to go to wherever it was we were staying & go to sleep, so I wasn’t paying attention to the conversation… what I remember was our Fearless Leader saying, “Sure he’ll do it! It’s all good!” I thought, “this can’t be good…”

Fearless Leader said, “They’re going to introduce us to the congregation - & you’re going to play a song on the guitar. Isn’t that great?”

Great was the last word that would have come to my mind to describe how I was feeling at that moment – I couldn’t believe that I’d been volunteered to play the guitar – this was only about 1 year after I’d started playing, & maybe 3 months from the time that I could make it through a song without stopping. Playing AND singing… well, that was always an adventure, & one that I’d only attempted within the safe confines of youth group with a bunch of students that loved me, no matter what. And now I was going to play a song, without any chord sheets, singing in English, in a place where I’d never been, didn’t know the language or customs, & felt absolutely zero confidence in my ability to pull it off.

At that point, Moises told us, “It’s time,” & led us down a hallway to a door, which he opened… & we found that it opened up directly onto the stage. We were led to the back of the stage where there were several chairs waiting for us.

It was a big church, with 3 levels or floors; it seated probably 1200 people, & was about ¾ full. I started to hyperventilate – I had never felt so naked before, & while Fearless Leader spoke to the crowd, through Moises, about who we were & what we were doing, I prayed hard. I prayed quick. I asked for deliverance, for rapture, for anything that would get me out of the situation.

When I found I wasn’t going anywhere, I prayed that God would give me a song to sing – preferably one of those that I knew by heart… at that moment, I could barely remember my own name, let alone the chords & WORDS to a song… the worship guy brought his guitar over & gave it to me. I stood up, legs quaking, & put it on… the strap was too small, making me feel (look) like a mariachi band guitar player with my guitar all up in my face. He gave me a pick & pointed me to the front of the stage. It had to be the longest 10 feet I’d ever walked. The microphone was too high for me. To be heard through it, I had to point my head to the ceiling & sing up to it. Deep breath.

Peace. Waves of peace. I started to strum… the lyrics & chords to In The Secret came to the front of my head. And I sang from my guts.

At some point the song ended, & I handed off the guitar to someone, & made my way back to my chair, relieved. My knees were still shaking, & I was famished. And exhausted. And thankful that it was over… our host told us that shortly after the service, he’d take us to our hotel where we could rest/sleep, & get ready for the next day’s happenings… & the purpose of our entire trip, the scouting out of Oradea.

Turns out the service lasted another 3 hours. 3 hours. 3 hours. And by the time we left, it was 10 p.m. By that point, I was almost delirious with exhaustion & hunger, & thought as we pulled up to the “Hotel Dacia” that at least our day was over. Little did I know that the fun was just beginning… ☺

Missions Development...#6

2008-12-29T14:04:00.000-08:00

I woke up the next morning feeling really ‘light’ in my spirit – rested too, but mostly light because I was feeling thankful that the heavy weight had been lifted off of my shoulders… a weight that I hadn’t even known I could be ‘done’ with. It was especially cool because I hadn’t even known that we’d be coming to Germany…

My two American traveling companions & I went down to the ‘eating room’ & found an open table… after the ‘interesting’ foods (read: stuff I wouldn’t want to eat again even it was based on a dare,) I’d experienced during our time in England, I was overjoyed to have my 1st real experience with the German breakfast: dark, hearty, whole grain breads & rolls, baked that morning; what appeared to be salami, along with quite the variety of smoked meats & cheeses; Nutella. German coffee. Ahhh.

In between stuffing my face, I ended up in conversation with the guy sitting on my left – turned out that he was a youth pastor as well – at ICHTHYS church - & his name was Johannes. Fortunately for me, he spoke great English, with a touch of American thrown in from a 7-month stint/internship at a church in the greater-Seattle area. We had a great time swapping stories, talking about life, fussball (soccer) & church stuff. From the first conversation, we connected at a deep level, & I really enjoyed his outlook on life, sense of humor, & ever-present laugh, which, when I close my eyes & concentrate, I can still hear in the recesses of my brain…

We ended up skipping a couple of meetings (one of my favorite conference activities, by the way,) to hang out, talk, & visit the bistro for brats & Hefeweizen... by this time, I felt like we were getting to know each other fairly well, & that we could trust each other enough to speak openly & straightforwardly… So, I asked Johannes if he (& ICHTHYS) would consider the possibility of us coming on a mission to Frankfurt. He said “NO!” without even blinking - & then qualified his answer with an explanation & a few stories about teams from the US that he & ICHTHYS had hosted in previous years. The bottom line was that the aftermath of the teams was anything BUT life-giving & beneficial to the host church…

Too many times they had been left holding the bag financially for some unforeseen & unplanned shortfall. The name/reputation of the local church had been dragged through the mud by some short-sighted & inconsiderate actions by someone on the mission team; the insistence of the team at doing their own program/method/ministry came at the expense of the long-term relationship & respect the hosts had attempted to cultivate with their friends, neighbors, & people of their city, people who the team didn’t see as “people” but as potential notches on the proverbial missions statistics belt; the hosts had often their hospitality criticized/belittled as “not being up to standard” (aka different) than what the ethnocentric Americans were used to at home… as though the ‘foreign country’’ should have been blessed & overjoyed just to receive the Americans, & like a good restaurant/hotel, should have done everything they could to accommodate their ‘guests.’ And there was no offer of continued relationship beyond the cursory (& known to be meaningless) “I’ll write.” So, rather than “do” missions in that manner, they didn’t host American (or Canadian) teams anymore…

Curiosity must have gotten the best of him, because he asked, “What would you do if you came?” So I asked, “It depends – what would you like us to do? Is there something that you’re already doing that we could help with?”

He smiled & said, “Hmm. Perhaps we can talk about this some more.”

Missions Development... #5

2008-12-23T16:01:00.000-08:00

I decided that if I wanted to know what was going on, I needed to ask more questions & ‘put myself’ in the know on what was happening – not leaving it up to chance that I would find out, which meant taking on a more active (vs. passive) role in our travels – something that was uncomfortable for me to do, esp. as I saw myself as a ‘sidekick’ on the trip, not as the leader, coordinator, or planner. But, I was nervous, & being out of my culture/context in the UK had been tough enough – now we were headed to a place where the primary language spoken wasn’t English; it was German. I had known that we’d be able to stagger through just about any situation in the UK with a modicum of difficulty (which we’d proved by surviving a little ‘run-in’ we had with a policeman at a roundabout.)

I had no idea or assurance that we’d be able to do the same in Germany. None of us spoke German, & I/we had very little idea of what was coming. A few questions helped me discover that our plans for Frankfurt & the Foursquare Europe conference had been made ‘tentatively,’ which meant:

Somebody should be there at the airport to pick us up & make sure we get to where we’re going.

We don’t know the identity of that somebody, or have any phone numbers or contact information in case the ‘somebody’ doesn’t show.

We know that there will be Foursquare pastors & leaders from several countries in Europe, so there should be plenty of good opportunities for connecting.

We’ll be there for a couple of days.

That’s it.

Ouch. I should have known this might be the case, esp. because I knew that our leader’s life motto was “it’s all good.” (Truly, which is really funny looking back on the situation. In the middle of it, not so much ☺ ...) It would have been prudent to have insisted on getting some details in advance of going; but now we were in it, so rather than get aggro, start accusing & assigning blame for the situation we were in, it was time to communicate – to get on the same page – to do what we could to prepare for the unknown. So we talked - & all took responsibility for helping us to navigate through the remainder of the trip until the point where we got home, me to my wife & 3 kids, all of whom I was missing more & more every second.

Our arrival in Frankfurt, traveling through customs, & getting our bags were all uneventful… it also brought us to the point of no return, the unknown. We headed into the main section of the terminal, which borders the baggage carousel room, & started walking. With no known destination. Just looking for somebody. I prayed. Hard.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a guy holding a sign with 1 word on it: ICHTHYS. From a missions video about Foursquare Germany that I’d seen in 1989, I knew that there was a American who’d planted a church in Germany, & that it was called ICHTHYS. I also knew that the word ICHTHYS was one that all kinds of churches & groups used – but I didn’t care. I grabbed my 2 traveling companions (as the other 2 mysterious travelers were… somewhere. No idea where they were for the entirety of our time in Germany,) & went over to the guy with the sign & asked: “Are you looking for some Americans to take to a Foursquare conference?” He was. YES! The elation I felt at that moment was indescribable. There was a tangible sense of encouragement that swept over me, a reminder from God that He was with us. That He was answering our prayers. And through all of the messed up, nebulous travel plans & snafu, He was in the middle of it, with us. With me. Yay. I hugged the guy, which I’m sure must have freaked him out.

He took us on a series of trains. We changed 3 or 4 times, & then he told us we’d have about an hour to get to our destination: Fulda. A-ha. While my other traveling companions talked happily amongst themselves, I pumped our guide for info, & asked him everything that I could think of. It turned out that the guy was just going to be our guide to the conference; he wasn’t staying, & knew nothing about what was happening, other than he was to deliver us to the conference center, & that the only people at the conference center (aka: a hostel) would be people who were attending the conference. Ahhh. Nice. I allowed myself to let down, & noticed that I’d been on edge for as long as I could remember. For the first time in days, I knew rest & a bit of peace.

The train station in Fulda was only a short walk (translation: a mile or 2) from the hostel – I can remember walking up the hill towards the hostel, just as twilight was settling in. It was beautiful… & there were small groups of people hanging around outside. And they were smoking. Chain-smoking. Almost all of them had a beer or a drink in their hand. As I made my way inside, I saw the main meeting room, & it was full of people, many of them speaking English (because of the multitude of nations represented, the main language used between people of other nations was English. Yes!)

All around the room, the clusters of people were engaged in deep talks. And many of them were drinking too. I can remember thinking, “I thought that everyone here was here for the conference… hmm. Guess not.” In retrospect, it cracks me up, not because I was mortified at being around people who were drinking, or because I had something personally against drinking; its just that my experience with Christians & the church was that no one drank even the smallest amount of alcohol or smoked in public… esp. not pastors.

After we found somebody to help us get registered, & I found the room where I’d be sleeping, I went down to the main meeting room to mingle. And to see if I could find some of the other attendees for the conference. I found the lady who registered us & asked her if she could tell me where the rest of the people for the Foursquare Europe conference were? She looked at me, puzzled, & waved her hand around as if to say, “they’re all here, all around. You’re in it.”

I laughed, the kind of laugh that comes deep from within. It was my response to the very real ‘culture shock’ that I was experiencing firsthand. I laughed because I was being confronted with a situation so different from my past ‘church’ experiences… different from everything I’d been taught & everything I’d learned by observation about what real holiness & righteousness was… here were men & women that obviously loved God & were giving their lives in the context of pastoring… & they were also drinking beer & wine, in public even. I laughed because in that moment, I was hit with the realization that much of my experience with God/Christianity in the US had had an American cultural basis & bias… which was something that I’d sensed & been wrestling through for years.

Over the years, I’d observed that a large chunk of the American Christian world believed that drinking of any sort was the kind of thing that people needed to be delivered from… for many, 1 beer was at the very least a gateway to all sorts of bondage & trouble for the ‘drinker,’ & at most was a stumbling block being placed in the way of others, tripping them up with a ‘false sense of freedom.’ I knew of people on staff at churches & attending Bible colleges, that had to sign pledges saying they wouldn’t drink even a little.

I’d read the Bible & knew, deep down, that drinking beer, wine, etc. wasn’t the real issue & didn’t make someone more or less holy - & that the real issue was with a lifestyle of drunkenness. (If you’re brave &/or a glutton for punishment, you can read a series of blogs I wrote on the topic of Christians & alcohol HERE.) I also knew that, at home, in my city, I felt it was ok for me to drink beer (didn’t like wine at that point,) but also ‘knew’ that I was supposed to keep it quiet, & that many, many were against it. I wasn’t supposed to talk about it, or drink where people might see me doing it, & ‘be caused to stumble.’

But in a moment, I felt a freedom, I felt a burden lift - & knew that if I was going to be authentic, be real, then I would be the same person all the time. Contending for freedom (NOTE: not being ‘pro-alcohol’, which I have been accused of, but that’s for another story,) & also not submitting to a yoke of slavery hidden by self-righteous religiousness.

I laughed because I felt the presence of the LORD. And a joy. And a renewed perspective on me, my life, & the journey I was on. And I knew that I was glad that I was in Germany. And that God, & the kingdom of God were bigger & ‘more real’ than I’d ever imagined.

Missions Development... #4

2008-12-22T12:22:00.000-08:00

I was in process & in conflict – & knew that I didn’t want to take another mission to Mexico like we’d done with the “Johnsons”… knew that I didn’t want to go & ‘serve’ American missionaries, people that were seemingly working the system for their own financial gain…

I remember trying to explain to others what I was feeling, & being frustrated by it... knowing that the person listening to me was frustrated too. Felt misunderstood, seen as a hard-hearted person who didn't care for those less fortunate that me... I was a youth pastor, after all, a person who’s job it is to go on missions. And to take others with him. It seems that I was asking questions that others hadn’t considered, or worse, considered to be meaningless, asinine, stupid, irrelevant. Looking back, I recognize it as God doing something creative in me – birthing something – at the time, though, I felt conflicted & frustrated in a way that I couldn’t explain.

The more I thought about it, the more I wondered: if we were going to do a mission trip somewhere, what would we do? (vs. just knowing the “not do’s”. ) This thinking was a little too abstract or hypotheticalfor me – an idea hit me – personalize it. What would I want someone coming to my town to know/ask/be:

Be people that I’d want to spend time with - & enjoy, completely out of the context of missions work.

Ask: what can we do that would be a point of help for you? Are you planning on doing anything in the next year that we could be a part of, with you – vs. coming & telling me what they’re going to do in my town, to the people that I get to ‘live’ with & around – basically being confronted with people that would be considerate, take the time to know us, our values, what we’re like, & have a desire to truly help with the long-time work & life of us & our church family – not just coming to do their thing, & have their experience at our expense – wondering if we’d done that?

Living with a consideration, thinking about other peoples' feelings - & what we'd do if the shoe was on the other foot - treating people like we wanted to be treated...

Come at a time that works for me & mine too, not just give a date & say ‘we’ll be here then…”

Be willing to have a mutual relationship – don’t want to be a notch on somebody’s missions belt – will you still love me tomorrow, after the mission is over?

SIDE NOTES: How much damage occurs to the local context when a group comes with no vested interest to do their thing – leaving WHAT in the wake of their visit? Why would a group come to a place & expect to be shuttled around & doted on while there – at the expense of the local staff’s own work & vacation?

After the fiasco with the "Johnson Family", Big Brick #2 in the foundation & development of my own ‘missions’ philosophy is the infamous (so famous its IN-famous) trip to Romania.

The district youth director for our area wanted to lead a district wide youth trip to Eastern Europe – & his boss, the district supervisor asked me to be a part of the planning & preparation – & also to go as a support for the district: I said yes. Some pertinent info:

He’d been part of another denomination for a few years, & was loosely connected to a parachurch missions organization, led by an acquaintance of his, “Stefan” that he wanted to go through – to go to Romania!

Over time, I learned & observed that some church & parachurch organizations functioned with their own agendas & programs (almost) completely independent of the people & places they wanted to visit. These agendas & programs were exported by the youth/students that the organization recruited (at a pretty high cost) to foreign countries & foreign peoples... the foreign nationals often ‘took the forced agenda & program’ because with it came very much needed money & resources, even though the mess & chaos left AFTER the church/parachurch group went home was often overwhelming & even destructive.

So I went down my on-the-fly formulated checklist of questions to ask about missions:

I asked why Romania? It seemed like the thing to do, as Romania was big in the news because of the tremendous number of orphans.

Was there any possibility for long-term relationship? Don’t know.

Were there any churches from our tribe? Nope. None in the whole country.
-Then where & why are we going? Stefan knew of a church we might be able to work with.

Any connections there in country? Nope. Its an opportunity to go – it’s a country in need (I knew this to be true, as post-Ceaucescu, the fall of the Berlin Wall, & the ‘failure’ of communism, Romania & its government were in shambles & chaos; quite a bit like many of the areas we’d been in the 3rd world sections of Mexico.)

Would there be a scouting trip to check out the lay of the land & get a plan? Yes. YES! Details on it? I’ll get back to you – 10 days long… We leave from SF & I’ll let you know more when I find out… (mistake not finding out in advance.)

Who’d be a part of the scouting trip? Me, you, & a guy from the National youth office – been a part of missions with a parachurch organization in the past ☺ - see note on parachurch organizations.
-Found out after the fact that there were two more people that would come on the trip & would ‘appear’ out of nowhere – they were masters of disappearing at the most inopportune times. Like in the airports. And when there was work to be done. And when the possibility of an upgraded seat on the plane came available.

So the day finally came – I left my wife home with 3 kids, all under the age of 5, with theWeez as a baby less than 4 months old. I also left her no itinerary, no contact information, no nothing. Except a leaky roof. Ooops. Got on our plane & flew from SF to… London? Isn’t that in the UK? Umm. I thought we were going to Romania.

We are – but we’re going to be in England for a couple of days first…

Turns out there may have been a plan or an itinerary after all – but only our leader knew it. We went from connection to connection in a manner that seemed completely random to me – but that may have been the jetlag… Day 1 we rented a car & drove a couple of hours to Birmingham… & stopped by to meet with a couple of guys from a church we may or may not have had an appointment at. Ate Indian food. Went to a youth/college meeting where we sat on the floor in the dark with about 25 Brits - & worshipped to the sound of a keyboard… it was the first time I’d ever heard/sang “I Could Sing of Your Love Forever” & Deliriou5? Amazing – as was our time with our new friends.

Spent the night at the house of the youth pastor, Pip. It’d make you laugh to say “Pip,” if he wasn’t such a burly dude… I was surprised to see him wearing the same clothes he’d had on the day before. I truly was learning something new everyday – like the cost of showering & washing clothes was high, so high that people were economical with the use of water. Hmm.

We were leaving for the next leg of our trip, (finally to Romania!) & left some of our bags at Pip’s house- as we were on our way out, he asked if he could pray for me. He prayed a couple of things that still linger in my consciousness:

God’s given you a pastor’s heart - & it’s a good heart that fits you.

You’ll be pastoring people – a church – soon. And leaving the place where you currently are to do it.

God’s not going to send you to a school where you can get a piece of paper, a diploma, that validates you. When people see you & your life, they will know that you’re just a normal person, a person that has been with Jesus.

First off, I never wanted to be a pastor - & secondly, this guy didn’t know me at all… which is why it bugged me that he prayed it – not that he was putting a trip over on me, but because… I didn’t want to be a pastor. And had no desire to ever become one. I knew too many of them, & they didn’t look like they were having that much fun. I didn’t ‘fit’ the mold… & really didn’t want to try to cram myself into the mold, to become something different than I felt that I was.

We left Birmingham & drove to… Newcastle. So much for our trip to Romania. Turns out our fearless leader had a contact through his former church & a ministry called CI & there was a CI meeting happening that night in Newcastle. And we were going.

The meeting was based out of a college lecture room - the worship was raucous & the people were mostly of college age, & were all over the place. Literally bouncing up & down, rolling on the floor. One of the more exuberant mid-renewal meetings I'd been a part of. What stood out to me the most were two things:

The leader of the meeting pulled us aside during a portion of the worship that was really on the edge (esp. from my past experiences) & said: "There's stuff happening right now that is people acting in their flesh... & I would like to correct, direct, & shape - and I'm so glad that they're willing to give their all for God, even if their zeal is out of whack... because its easier to instruct the living than it is to raise the dead.." (meaning: at least they're here, they're involved in what's happening, & they're giving God their all... vs. those that are doing their best impression of the "frozen chosen." )

One of the students, couldn'ta been more than 18 asked if he could pray for me; he prayed: God has given you a pastor's heart, but you don't need to worry. He's made clothes that fit just you, & He's made you like you are. You can be you, & still have this heart. And be a pastor.

By this time, I was pretty amazed, blown away even. 2 strangers on 2 different days telling me the same thing - maybe this part of the trip, chaotic & seemingly unplanned, a challenge to me on my most basic levels of preparation, was actually being used by God for another, different, formative purpose for me.

We drove back down to Birmingham to take a flight for... Frankfurt? Turns out, there was a Foursquare Europe event taking place at a camp 'somewhere' outside of Frankfurt, & seeings as we were this close, we should probably go & check it out, to see if there were any people we could connect with.

At this time, we'd been in the UK for 3 or 4 days - I hadn't communicated with theBean at all - didn't know how to make a call, didn't know where I was, really, & knew nothing of where we were going, or where we'd be tomorrow.

This 'scouting trip' both birthed & confirmed something in me about missions:

Everyone on the team needs a copy of the itinerary; this includes family members back at home - so they can be in the "know" & be praying. And also to set their minds at ease.

We need to be prepared & take time to communicate with each other while on the trip - what's happening & why? Where are we going & what are we trying to do? Daily communications are a KEY to navigating through the proverbial curve-balls that inevitably arise on trips.

Phoning home isn't something that is just for ET. It must be done.

Knowing where we're going, who we're meeting, & what we're looking for when we get there must be known - & confirmed. And reconfirmed. Leave nothing to chance. Prepare, re-prepare, & prepare again. Because with jet-lag, language & culture differences, travel discomfort, & opposition from the dark one, the details & potential challenges MUST be worked through...

Next - to Frankfurt...

Missions Development... #3

2008-12-19T14:23:00.000-08:00

The next place I really remember being shaped in what missions is to me happened shortly after getting into volunteering at our church to work with Jr & Sr High youth. One of the guys that helped us with the youth group was an OB/GYN (aka “The Good Doctor”), & had a history of being a part of of a mission to Baja. So, we ended up backing into an opportunity that sounded really good – & was an opportunity to get our feet wet in cross-cultural missions.

The mission was to a little town on the coast of Baja, below Ensenada about 90 minutes, called San Quintin. The place was actually a combo of a church, hospital, & home base for the pastor & doctors at the hospital. The Good Doctor volunteered his time & skills for a week a year to help the hospital out with mass numbers of cases in a short period of time – cases beyond the experience of the local docs, & also non-emergency cases that just didn’t have time to get done otherwise. This environment allowed any students/others on the trip that wanted to check out working in a hospital to do so, often in a very hands on way (baby delivery, stitches, etc. Yes.)

The rest of us did work projects around the home base every morning – for the local church, helping out with clean up of the grounds, & some very amateur (yet very skillfully designed by the locals) building projects. In the afternoons, the majority of us would go to a nearby “migrant workers” camp – a fenced in collection of housing units, made up of row after row of shacks, made of corrugated metal, each sharing a common roof & dirt floor. The only plumbing available was a pump handled water spout in the middle of the camp, & the primitive latrines were often a trench at the edge of the camp.

Most of the people staying in the camps came from Oaxaca & Chiapas, the southern tip of Mexico, in the Yucatan peninsula. Most, if not all, came from an indigenous-Indian heritage, meaning indigenous dialect/language, very few spoke some rudimentary Spanish, & none spoke English. They lived a poverty that was poorer than poor… poor to a level that I’d never seen. I can remember as clear as yesterday thinking about what Jesus said, “The poor we’ll have with us always…” & crying out inside “dear God, the injustice…”.

It wasn’t uncommon for both parents to be working in the fields, chasing the harvest of whatever happened to be ripe at the moment – (hence the name “Migrant” ) - leaving the camps full of kids taking care of kids – 3 year olds taking care of babies, & the occasional nursing mom caring for the rest.

We did a VBS (vacation Bible school,) meaning we attempted to contextualize the gospel using hand motions, & acts of kindness; knowing all the while that we weren’t understood – but that the clothes & shoes we provided went to good use. Made me wonder if Jesus comes through in situations like this… the images are burned into my memory… the poverty & our helplessness… what could we do? Provide free labor, meet felt needs, & try to help in a seemingly hopeless situation?

One of the clearest pictures of the love of Jesus I’ve ever seen happened in a migrant camp. A teenager, a beautiful young lady from our church, (AP) came upon a little one that couldn’t have been older than my niece (13 months) – the baby was wearing a diaper that she had to have been wearing for several days due to the state of the diaper, the duct tape that had been used to secure it to the baby, & the very obvious overflow of dried excrement & urine all over the baby & her clothes.

AP gathered 3 or 4 other girls to help her, & they spent the better part of an hour soothing the baby’s tears, then cleaning the baby up, putting on a new diaper, fresh clothes, socks & shoes. Finding a sibling of the baby to give more diapers to, more clothes. Wipes. I watched & wept. They didn’t care about the mess, getting dirty. They jumped into a hopeless situation & didn’t ask, “where are the NEXT diapers going to come from?” They just did what they could - & loved that baby. I believe that we will have a reunion in heaven with that baby, & that AP & the others will see her again, & they will know each other, & rejoice.

Over the next years, we took several trips to San Quintin, & saw great relationships built within our team. Each time, we came away with a sense of gratitude for what we have at home; having been confronted with an incomprehensible poverty & how others live; questioning what we call necessities for our Christianity to be lived out, personally & corporately.

I always found myself comparing the message of the gospel as preached in my American context, to what is preached where we were – would the gospel message of the USA be understood or even relevant? It seemed to me that outside of our local, 1st world context, a lot of it just slipped through the cracks… If that was the case, that was not ok… wasn’t the gospel something that is applicable & real to everyone on the planet – regardless of background, education, culture, country of origin etc? & shouldn’t the stuff that was ‘important’ cross-cultural barriers?

Interesting to look back on my own thinking – missions clearly in that context had a felt-needs application. Often it seemed that there was no real connecting with those that we were ministering to/with… part of it was due to the language barrier, but to me it seems that it may have been more of a ‘great white hope brings their stuff, $, & resources” relationship… an unequal relationship based on superior/inferior economic status; a dependent relationship.

Made me think & wonder: How do the locals think about us after we’re gone? What sort of things do we ‘help’ them to learn in order to get our $/resources, to have a team come & visit? How often have we downloaded our ministry methods, (aka “the right way”) that people do things in the States that they should be doing too – stuff that is 100% method based, not about message?

I am eternally indebted to the “Johnson” family for a quantum leap in my formative missions thinking process. They were an American missionary family that had relocated to the Baja. From my observation, it seemed that they’d found a good life – one where they could minister to the locals by serving as a liaison for teams (& $) from the US to the local churches & pastors;to get missions support from the US, from those that couldn’t/didn’t come to save the locals. All the while living a very comfortable life in the Baja – satellite dish, fishing & skiing boat, & nice cars. At the same time, hosting the occasional American team (at a cost of $50/head,) so that the team could do some VBS work… & also be a part of the beautification, landscaping, & clean-up of their property, affectionately dubbed the “Johnson Family Compound.”

BTW: Lest you think I’m treating this too harshly – a couple of our days of VBS work in the migrant camps were cancelled because our guide, Mr. Johnson, decided to take the boat out for some fishing instead. And to watch game 7 of the NBA Finals. Truly. And in place of going to VBS, we got to listen to Mrs. Johnson talk to us for 3 hours about “putting on Christ.”

I know that I saw through this - & that the students on the trip did too. Made me feel sick – people working a system of inequity, for personal gain (didn’t Paul write something about that.?)

I determined that I wasn’t going to be a part of something like this in the future - & therefore, needed a clearer guiding philosophy to be able to know what to say Yes & No too.

Here’s some things that came up:
• Every trip needs a ‘scouting trip’ – where the details of the time in-country would be checked, double-checked & worked out, leaving as little to interpretation as possible.
• Coming as equals, not as financial saviours
• Has to be giving & receiving – from both sides.
• Based on relationship – not a one hit wonder (going 1 place, 1 time, then looking for another place to go “next time’)
• And what else???

Coming up:
• Adventures at Street Church in Vancouver, Canadia
• The Russian mob in Romania
• A chance meeting in Germany

something new...

2008-12-18T21:25:00.000-08:00

While waiting for theBean to finish her 2nd Thursday shift, I decided to experiment a bit with the layout of theConundrum... & try to expand my knowledge of html.

It's a work in progress, & there are several layout issues that I haven't been able to solve. Yet. But what are days off for, anyway, if not for blogmod...

Hope...

2008-12-09T18:35:00.000-08:00

It's #2 sons 14th birthday today - tomorrow, early in the a.m. he & I are off to San Francisco for a one-day speed tour of the City. We're going to AT &T Park for a tour; to Ghirardelli Square for some chocolate & na-nas; to Pier 39 for... Pier 39. And maybe the Hard Rock Cafe. And then we're off to the University of California-San Francisco (UCSF) Medical Center. Why a hospital?

#2 son has been asking a lot of questions about my brother Johnny - wanting to know him, reconstruct his likes/dislikes, experience the personality of the one uncle that he knows only through pictures, a few home videos, & the stories of those who knew him. A part of Johnny's story involves his battle with cancer - & UCSF is where almost 5% of his life was lived - for treatment, recovery, & the like. And #2 son wants to know this place - & as difficult as it is for me to go there, with the painful memories, sorrow, & loss... we're going.

Makes me feel a bit pensive - leaves me wondering, examining how I see the world, or how I view it. The lens through which I see it, a lens that I believe I am responsible for putting on/taking off. Watching the news, checking in with Drudge, hearing story after story of the dismal economy, holiday season layoffs, record high home foreclosures, equally high number of bankruptcies, & a war in the Middle East that just doesn't seem to get any closer to resolution... a lens of 'reality'... reminds me that I want to, I need to choose something different.

I don't want to choose negativity, to speak words of 'reality,' death, nitpickiness, complaint, slander, criticism, harshness, destruction - over & about me or others. I think that I'm finding that a person will find just what it is that is looked for. And if my lens is negative, down, destructive, 'reality based,' I will find those things - & think on them. Talk about them. Spread the cloud of negativity like a flu-virus in the wintertime spreads.

I'm challenged to take on a new lens, one that almost feels forced, like a new pair of glasses that have never been worn, all the while knowing that the new glasses are the right prescription, & they fit like they should - but I'm so used to ill-fitting, poorly prescribed glasses that the real deal, the good ones don't seem right. Its upside down, & I want to be right side up.

The new lens is to look to enjoy life's relationships - rather than to pick them apart as inadequate, to place blame where its due -instead to be a radical extender of grace, esp. where it's not 'deserved'... as if I have deserved it ever? To look for joy instead of sorrow - to hope & to be filled with hope, even when the 'track record' tells me otherwise. To have faith, to believe against all odds that the One I serve really is able to move mountains. To perform what He says. To rescue. To deliverer. To transform.

Maybe this makes me an optimist. A deny-er of so-called reality... So be it. And my answer to you is:

Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things - trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play-world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia.... [W]e're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Puddleglum - The Silver Chair, from The Chronicles of Narnia

Here's to looking for Overland.