I saw love...

I saw love...

Last week, I decided to be proactive & deal with my soon-to-expire drivers license. Brother told me what Tom had told him – waiting in line FOR-ever at the Galletti NV-DMV is over-rated… so he told me about the NV-DMV Commercial license renewal place thingy on E. Greg. Evidently, the word on the street is that the Commercial Drivers License place also does REGULAR license renewals for Rubes like me. Even better, Brother had spent a total of 15 minutes in the place & finished all the business one could ever want to finish. Ahhh. Sounds like my kind of place.

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Found it. And let’s just say it was a leettlle bit busier that when Tom & Brother had been there. Waiting room had 10 people in it, (which I know is still less than Galletti on an average day,) so I went to the cool, “Take A Number” station, pulled Lucky 403, & found a seat. And waited.

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I hadn’t brought any of my normal time passers with me (books, chocolate, portable coffee, or wasser mit kohlensäure) so I went into introspection mode, which unfortunately lasted only about 37 seconds. Done with that, so I decided to look around the room & ‘observe’ the other individuals that were sharing the space that I had mistakenly assumed would be empty.

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A couple in the waiting area caught my eye – it was the worried look on her face, & the hushed but strong tones they were speaking in. If I had to guess how old they were, I’d have said 50, but it was hard to tell, because it appeared that they had both lived ‘hard’ lives… you know what I mean… the years had etched themselves into their countenance, leaving visible marks from grief, disappointment, & hardship. Other signs – clothes: a worn & grubby sundress… workman’s shirt, jeans, & boots that had seen much better days… the tell-tale yellowish residue on skin & hair from smoking too many packs of cigarettes for too long, resulting in the visible affects that your mom warned you would happen if you smoked all your life. The woman looked a bit like I remember my Grandma Ramona looking…

I watched from the corner of my eye as their communication became more animated – it became apparent that the woman was scared… she had to take a vision test for her license renewal, & it was obvious she didn’t think she’d pass it. The anxiousness & worry became more pronounced as she got closer to her turn at the vision-apparatus. The man touched her arm gently & made “Shushing” noises… not the “be quiet” ones, but the kind you make to comfort a crying baby.

Her body stiffened when her number was called; she sat in the chair in front of the machine, & he sat next to her, his hand on her back. She took the test & passed. She was relieved. Now to get the picture for the new license.

They walked together to the area where the new pictures would be taken – she was self-conscious – I saw her look disapprovingly at herself, her clothes, & run her fingers through her hair – the signs of sadness, not wanting to get her picture taken.

The man pulled something out of the back pocket of his work pants. It was a hair brush – making the same, reassuring “Shushing” noises, he turned her towards him & began to gently, carefully, brush her long hair. After a couple of minutes of this, he put the brush away & with great care arranged her hair behind her ears, pulled back a bit from her face. And as she was called to the picture taking station, he put one hand on her chin, gazed into her eyes, & quietly said, “You are so pretty.”

The eyes that had been downcast, preoccupied, & self-conscious glimmered & sparkled with the confidence that comes from being loved by someone, that comes by choosing to believe that what you’ve just heard is the God’s honest truth. She sat & smiled for her picture, then arose, took the man’s hand, & they walked out together.

I saw love... & it touched me...

standing firm...

The last couple of weeks, I have felt physically spent - where all I want to do is sleep. So I have upped my sleep - & have even indulged in napping. Bummer part is that I'd wake up feeling as if I hadn't slept at all. Hmm.

My first thought is maybe it was the sickies trying to Klingon to me... don't know that that is it.

Second thought was to think through my schedule & see if & where I'd been overextending myself, pushing too hard, falling into old patterns... again, not sure that that is it.

And so I ponder: what's up? I know that these feelings are physical, mental, & definitely affecting the emotional. I like to figure things out - & so I'm praying, asking for insight, looking at me in the 3rd person...

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It came to my mind to pray for strength to stand... I know & am confident that "standing" is something that God has made me to do, for myself & for others, like Shammah did!, & He regularly reminds me of it... & the verses from Ephesians 6 came to mind...

A final word: Be strong with the Lord’s mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil.

For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms.

Use every piece of God’s armor to resist the enemy in the time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground...

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Perhaps the accumulated relational stress, unforeseen financial tightness, physical/mental/emotional drain, etc. is actually all just a part of the latest wave that is to be resisted.

Refocus. Realign. Repent. Rest. Reaffirm my hope in Christ. And remain standing, fully reliant on the 'mighty power" of God to do so. Knowing that the battle will pass. The wave will move on. The heavy weariness will lift. And I want to still be on my feet.

Hope...

It's #2 sons 14th birthday today - tomorrow, early in the a.m. he & I are off to San Francisco for a one-day speed tour of the City. We're going to AT &T Park for a tour; to Ghirardelli Square for some chocolate & na-nas; to Pier 39 for... Pier 39. And maybe the Hard Rock Cafe. And then we're off to the University of California-San Francisco (UCSF) Medical Center. Why a hospital?

#2 son has been asking a lot of questions about my brother Johnny - wanting to know him, reconstruct his likes/dislikes, experience the personality of the one uncle that he knows only through pictures, a few home videos, & the stories of those who knew him. A part of Johnny's story involves his battle with cancer - & UCSF is where almost 5% of his life was lived - for treatment, recovery, & the like. And #2 son wants to know this place - & as difficult as it is for me to go there, with the painful memories, sorrow, & loss... we're going.

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Makes me feel a bit pensive - leaves me wondering, examining how I see the world, or how I view it. The lens through which I see it, a lens that I believe I am responsible for putting on/taking off. Watching the news, checking in with Drudge, hearing story after story of the dismal economy, holiday season layoffs, record high home foreclosures, equally high number of bankruptcies, & a war in the Middle East that just doesn't seem to get any closer to resolution... a lens of 'reality'... reminds me that I want to, I need to choose something different.

I don't want to choose negativity, to speak words of 'reality,' death, nitpickiness, complaint, slander, criticism, harshness, destruction - over & about me or others. I think that I'm finding that a person will find just what it is that is looked for. And if my lens is negative, down, destructive, 'reality based,' I will find those things - & think on them. Talk about them. Spread the cloud of negativity like a flu-virus in the wintertime spreads.

I'm challenged to take on a new lens, one that almost feels forced, like a new pair of glasses that have never been worn, all the while knowing that the new glasses are the right prescription, & they fit like they should - but I'm so used to ill-fitting, poorly prescribed glasses that the real deal, the good ones don't seem right. Its upside down, & I want to be right side up.

The new lens is to look to enjoy life's relationships - rather than to pick them apart as inadequate, to place blame where its due -instead to be a radical extender of grace, esp. where it's not 'deserved'... as if I have deserved it ever? To look for joy instead of sorrow - to hope & to be filled with hope, even when the 'track record' tells me otherwise. To have faith, to believe against all odds that the One I serve really is able to move mountains. To perform what He says. To rescue. To deliverer. To transform.

Maybe this makes me an optimist. A deny-er of so-called reality... So be it. And my answer to you is:

Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things - trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play-world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia.... [W]e're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Puddleglum - The Silver Chair, from The Chronicles of Narnia

Here's to looking for Overland.