Francisco Aranda

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. Psalm 116:15

This afternoon at about 2p.m. Francisco Aranda died.

He was a hero to me - & was one of the key people that God used in my early days here in Reno to keep me standing, living on task, & what it meant to be faithful to the call of Christ.

I'll never forget his answer any time he was thanked for one of the myriad helpful things he had done, for the people he fed weekly, for the odd-jobs he did to keep the physical building of the church looking good, & the prayers from the church flowing. He always responded:

...unto the LORD.

Heaven rejoices today.

Mickey

My brother, Johnny, was something of an artist - & the thing that we all wanted him to draw for us was his "Mickey Mouse" - just Mickey's head. He'd sign the bottom of the picture with a flourish... we had tons of them.

Maybe it was because Disneyland is/was such a happy memory for all of us - one of our favorite places on earth to go together & spend time & build shared memories. Perhaps it was the Mickey Mouse pancakes that we ate at the River Belle Terrace... (which, by the way, my dad could make better & more of, for cheaper... :)

When Johnny got sick, drawing Mickey was a miniature vacation, I think, for him & for us. Throughout the illness & treatment, Mickey (along with baseball cards,) remained a way to escape the reality of what was going on, if just for a few minutes.

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Here I am 18 years after his death, missing him. I regret that my 3 kids never got to know my brother personally... I am intentionally & purposefully trying to help them get to know Johnny & what he was like through stories, pictures, & the little things he liked & disliked.

And one of the things he liked, was Mickey. And when Mickey Mouse is around, it doesn't seem like my brother is so far away, & it gives me hope for the time when we'll be reunited.

Last Saturday, I got a Mickey tattoo on my left shoulder blade - because it reminds me of my brother, John Leavy Locke.

I've got a good heart...

Over the last week, I've been undergoing tests on my heart, some of which I've written about HERE. Yesterday, I went in for my 'evaluation', where the good Dr. Nylk (rhymes with Milk) would interpret for me the results of all the tests I had last week, & let me know what, if anything, I'd need to do to follow up...

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After arriving & being ushered to the chilly examination room, I had the privilege of waiting an hour. I took the opportunity to reflect, send text messages to theBean, & to kick back with my eyes closed... Waiting has its perks.

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Dr. Nylk came in & started with, "Great news," which I think is a nice way to start a 'heart-test-result-evaluation' if you ask me. The EKG is 'perfect,' (his word, that he used throughout the evaluation.) The echo-cardiogram is 'perfect, as a heart should be.' The thickness of the heart muscle is 'perfect.' The results of my lipid panel (cholesterol test) show that my LDL (bad) levels are well within acceptable limits at 97. My triglycerides came in at 88, also very good, & my HDL (good) levels were a whopping 85, which he said was incredible, as it is a real treat to get the HDL level on most people to 40.

The evaluation bottom line: I don't need to go back, & he doesn't ever want to see me again.

Hooray.

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Part of my reflection in the waiting room was about the process that I've been going through in getting my heart muscle evaluated... going through various tests, examinations, indignities, & pokes, then waiting to hear from someone with some good perspective, someone who could speak with authority as to the health of my heart. It reminded me how similar this process has been to my own journey on emotional health & well-being, my time at CSR, meetings with Chuck, re-evaluating priorities, values, & asking God to 139me. I may blog this in more depth...

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I'm glad to hear that my test results were 'perfect'. I also underestimated what the effect of said results would be on my kids, esp. the Pasty Gangster. He held onto me for about 10 minutes & told me how happy he was that my heart was good. At one point, I tried to detach from his squeeze (he's 6', 180# of solid muscle & he was loving me TIGHT) & he said, "Dad. I'm not done."

I want the results of my spiritual heart exam to be good as well. For me, & for my kids, & for the kids they eventually have, because a bad heart can be & is often hereditary.

Here's to good hearts.

Goodbye to Sue L. & other thoughts...

Good bye Sue L. You'll be missed. Esp. when I'm trying to figure out what exactly the little knobbys do on the soundboard.

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On that note: I wonder what part of our psyche is affected as we try to deal with the death of friends & loved ones... cause I know there's a part that is numbed, & does everything possible to try to function like Everything Is Normal, when at the same time a logical portion of the mind(?) is stating, matter of factly of course, the 'reality' of events that have led to our friend/loved one not being on the planet.

I remember the 1st time I prayed after my brother's funeral... it was bedtime prayers, of course, just me & the Bean. I was covering all the bases (meaning praying for family & extended family,) & I prayed for Johnny, Joel, & Ben... (their birth order btw...) It took about 10 seconds before I realized that I'd prayed for Johnny. And that he had died. And I knew it, & wasn't in denial. But at that moment, I had thought, "I need to pray for him..."

And I cried w/the Bean. Tears of grief. Loss. Sorrow. Loneliness. And I thought about my brother, & wondered if praying would ever be the same again...

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The numbness fades over time, but I don't know if it ever goes away totally - maybe its a sorrow or the residue of missing someone. Or the part of our psyche that screams out, "NO!" & does everything possible to protect me from the pain of feeling.

I wish more people who knew my brother, talked to me about my brother. Cause, Man, that is the best. My kids never met their Uncle, as he died in June 1990, & the Pasty Gangster didn't enter the world until 9/1991. I wish they could have known him, because he was a piece of work. (The closest to his personality is #2 son, Prince Darrell - esp. when he doesn't get his way...) So, I want to reminisce - look at videos, & 'introduce' my kids to him... Because then, his memory is carried on by more than just a picture.

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If a loved one or friend has died, keep talking about them. It helps.

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Walking with a friend as they bury their wife is hard... but it would be harder for them alone. Life's too short to do that kind of thing by yourself. Let's not go solo.

peace to you

had a friend in town for the last few days, Morris Chapman; his visit had been on the books for a while. I invited him to come & spend time with our church family in extended worship. God knew what would be happening the week prior to his visit - I was physically, emotionally, & every other -ally you can think of - spent. Done. Finito. You get the idea.

When Morris started playing, "I Will Restore" (it's on his mySpace page at the link aboveI felt my insides melting - not a pleasant feeling - I knew that I had to lay down on the floor. The weight of my soul felt like it was pulling me to the ground. I told the Bean that I was going to lay down - don't know if she understood what I meant,... or where I meant. I just remember hitting the floor & weeping from the bottom of my soles. I thought I had cried my tears already this week; I'd run out a couple of times & had the "dry cry" not to be confused with the "dry heave." Hurts about the same though.

I sobbed.

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After an indefinite period of time, I felt peace. And the raw, exposed nerve of my soul was no longer raw, exposed, & angry to the touch. I was still tired. Bone-weary. But the soul despair, the pain faded & I had peace. The circumstances of the week hadn't changed, but I had peace. We are still grieving, but I have peace. I could sleep the clock, but I have peace.

Thank you Jesus - to any/all that may be reading this: Peace to you. The peace of Christ to you.

Why Do Bad Things Happen...? #1

For the last couple of months, I have been planning on teaching on the topic above at our Sunday, 3/30 - 9:15 Learning Community. I had no idea that we'd be experiencing tragedy, crushing loss, & this kind of pain so up close & personal within our church family.

"Why do bad things happen?" is a tough question - one that usually gets answered with one of the trite statements or religious cliches that are so infuriating to the people that they get bequeathed to. Things like:

Well, the Lord moves in mysterious ways...

God took (fill in the blank with a loved ones name) because He must have needed (loved one's name) more than we did..

God is trying to teach us to depend on Him in hard times...

My personal favorite, which was passed on to me by several well meaning people after my 17 year-old brother had died from non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, a cancer that starts out in the lymph system.

God must have known that your brother was going to fall into some terrible sin in the future, so He decided to take him now...

Huh? What the fat? Are you serious?

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These & other statements have caused me to spend a lot of time pondering - to me, here's what some of the above statements are saying:

Mysterious ways? What does this mean? That God is unpredictable & just might SNAP when we least expect it, killing loved ones in the process. "Sorry. My bad."

God kills our loved ones because He "needed" them more than we do? Hmm. I read in the Bible that 2 people were 'translated' into heaven by God: Enoch & Elijah - He wanted them with Him, & He didn't kill them to get them.

God is trying to teach us something by killing our loved ones? The lesson today will be "you need me." I'm going to illustrate this by killing your brother.

God killed my brother in a preemptive strike to prevent his future falling into sin? Hmm. I had always thought that God dealt with our sin through the cross...

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God is good - & is predictably good - everything that we need to know about the person & nature of God is wrapped up in Christ Jesus - not just the "good" stuff. All of it. (Check out Colossians 1:19,20 & Colossians 2:9,10 He thinks good thoughts towards us, likes us (not only loves us,) & is dependably the same yesterday, today, & forever. We can rest assured that He is & will be our ever-present help in time of trouble, & is not the one capriciously causing our pain to drive us to Him.

Next time - we'll examine the cause of all things bad...