Everybody wants to go to heaven...

...but nobody wants to die...

I'm reading a book (actually have about 7 or 8 going right now,) with the same title as the one I used for this post - its by David Crowder & Mike Hogan. I've been a-waiting for this book, on pre-order for about 3 months. Check it out here: Everybody Wants To Go...

Among other roles they fill, Crowder & Hogan are a part of the University Baptist Church in Waco; Crowder is the worship guy, & Hogan is the DJ; (I, by the way, am praying for a DJ or 4 for Hillside - & if you wonder why we might need a DJ, you haven't heard any of the great music Crowder & Hogan put out in their day job as 2/5 of the David Crowder Band.) But that's not why they wrote the book - it came on the heels of losing their friend & pastor in a freak water-baptism electrocution incident last October, which I blogged about HERE: Just scroll down to the bottom post entitled "?"

So, the book is about death. Death & dying. And the response of the living. Loss. Numbness. Shock. Crippling sadness. Grieving. How difficult it is to move on to normalcy, whatever that is, after the death of a loved one.

So far, so good (the book that is.) Especially interesting was reading how, because the accident occurred during a Sunday a.m. church service, that Sundays just haven't been right ever since... A good book makes me introspective & self-evaluative; drives me to examine me & why I do what I do. I have been looking at my own responses to the death of those close to me. And also how I respond to others as they experience death, loss, tragedy, etc... I want to be able to help people navigate through the labyrinth that surrounds the mystery of death - & I know I can't do this until/unless I can navigate it myself.

Sometimes I think that I'm doing ok with this process.

Other times, I just feel small & insignificant, marked by cares & worries, & the unknown. Death has marked me significantly, & my outlook on things. Not morbidly marked, but significantly changed by the suffering that follows on death's coattails nonetheless. How?

I've been told I'm more compassionate than I was before (this may cause some of you who know me to wonder, "So, what kind of ogre WAS this Scoey?" But I digress.) I believe more. Jesus is real-er, in the quietly comforting & calmly confident kind of way. Like not feeling tempted to have to try to answer the inanswerable WHY questions, or feeling the need to offer cliches & Christian platitudes. A longing to be w/Jesus. And to be a source of comfort. And to bring peace & rest with my life, attitudes, words, & demeanor.