At the same time, rather than just put my proverbial nose to the grindstone & push through, I'm trying to examine life & see what can be changed about it - the things that I'm committed to do, be a part of, oversee, carry on, etc. Instead of doing it all, I'm trying to evaluate self & remove that which can be removed, or at the least, shelve what can be shelved. (Removing is permanent; shelving is putting something up until later.) I'm finding that I, too, am a notoriously poor self-evaluator, or that I am incredibly optimistic about all that I can do in a week's time. Or a days. And butting up against the 'doing feelings' that cry & whine whenever I try to balance my life by leaving a task undone, nagging for just "15 more minutes." Especially when it's not a 'want to do' but a 'need to do.'
A couple of things have happened in the last week that have gotten my attention, & have prompted a more introspective house cleaning of the scoey machine...
And the problem, it seems, is that I don't see a problem... & this time, rather than try to bluster my way past theBean, or dance around it, or try to use the remote to "mute" her (BTW: I don't recommend this. The sheer act of pointing a remote at one's spouse has proved, multiple times, to be ill-advised...) So, instead of doing those things, l listened. And I asked her advice. And some of what she said made sense to me... while other things seemed so, so wrong. But, going on the premise that I may not see stuff as accurately for my emotional, physical, & mental well-being & health, I asked Jesus about what she'd said. And got a peace about it. Sigh. The times, they are a-changin'. (Thanks to Robert Zimmerman for that.)
More shock, though not alarm - this HCM can be hereditary, so Brother & I are both trying to get appointments for our own EKG... only to find that the next opening with the next available doctor in the Greater Reno/Sparks metropolitan area is 29 September. Sigh again.
No panic, no frustration, just 'meaning of life' type introspection, couched in the fact that priorities & responsibilities are shifting... from without & from within. And that's ok.