A Life In Review...

I really enjoyed our trip to Virginia, especially looking in the rear-view mirror... & in light of the breakneck pace at which the school year has begun (for at least the older two) has been matched by a growing weariness that I know is not unique to me & mine...

At the same time, rather than just put my proverbial nose to the grindstone & push through, I'm trying to examine life & see what can be changed about it - the things that I'm committed to do, be a part of, oversee, carry on, etc. Instead of doing it all, I'm trying to evaluate self & remove that which can be removed, or at the least, shelve what can be shelved. (Removing is permanent; shelving is putting something up until later.) I'm finding that I, too, am a notoriously poor self-evaluator, or that I am incredibly optimistic about all that I can do in a week's time. Or a days. And butting up against the 'doing feelings' that cry & whine whenever I try to balance my life by leaving a task undone, nagging for just "15 more minutes." Especially when it's not a 'want to do' but a 'need to do.'

A couple of things have happened in the last week that have gotten my attention, & have prompted a more introspective house cleaning of the scoey machine...

  • Last week, in a classic heart to heart, theBean brought to my attention the fact that I seem to have the same issue that Zay has (you can read about it here...) - yes, its that I must think that I have superpowers with what I had committed myself to.

    And the problem, it seems, is that I don't see a problem... & this time, rather than try to bluster my way past theBean, or dance around it, or try to use the remote to "mute" her (BTW: I don't recommend this. The sheer act of pointing a remote at one's spouse has proved, multiple times, to be ill-advised...) So, instead of doing those things, l listened. And I asked her advice. And some of what she said made sense to me... while other things seemed so, so wrong. But, going on the premise that I may not see stuff as accurately for my emotional, physical, & mental well-being & health, I asked Jesus about what she'd said. And got a peace about it. Sigh. The times, they are a-changin'. (Thanks to Robert Zimmerman for that.)

  • Second, I heard from my brother, Moe - seems he's been diagnosed with some version & degree of HCM, which is a fancy way of saying that something in the heart doesn't work & the results of that can be catastrophic... It was his birthday & I had called him to talk about the kind of things that brothers talk about on birthdays as we age... & to hear this was a shock.

    More shock, though not alarm - this HCM can be hereditary, so Brother & I are both trying to get appointments for our own EKG... only to find that the next opening with the next available doctor in the Greater Reno/Sparks metropolitan area is 29 September. Sigh again.

    No panic, no frustration, just 'meaning of life' type introspection, couched in the fact that priorities & responsibilities are shifting... from without & from within. And that's ok.
  • 4 launchings into the blogosphere....:

    Erica said...

    sorry to hear about your brother's diagnosis. Hope you and brother's tests come back o.k.

    noel said...

    thanks for the plug louie- zay had another quote last night while praying bedtime prayers, i said "and thank you Jesus for Isaiah" he interupted me and said " you mean your superhero mom?" to which of course i corrected myself and said, "yes i meant my superhero isaiah."
    ya know superheroes need some down time too. it's a really, really good thing to listen to the bean. really good. :)
    can i also say i am proud of you for this because it's hard to do(not listen to the bean but lay stuff on the shelf)
    sorry to hear about joel. i will be praying for him for surwa. at least he is being responsible and checking things out.

    scoey-d said...

    Thanks Erica-
    No..el - & SuperHero Zay does need down time... probably more than he thinks he does. At least that's how it works for me... :)

    JayBird said...

    glad to hear you're listening to thebean. i'm learning much of the exact same things you are right now. when it comes to running/training for marathons, i have a belief that i'm superhuman. i've been down this road before. mindy noticed, yesterday, at nanna's soccer practice that i was kind of limping/wobbling around. i have been "pushing through/ignoring/neglecting" a pinched nerve in my right glute. i often believe that all that is needed to overcome an obstacle is more effort. i bang my head against the same wall and bang it harder when it pops-up. i'm often unaware of my physical limitations and time limitations. i have an inner-coach that repeats, "suck it up, push-through, this pain/business shall pass." in reality, it's the negative of my gift (stubborn) that will put myself in a burn-out situation if i ignore it. mindy recommended some things relating to my running: "how about running in moderation and cutting back to see if your pinched nerve gets better? couldn't you just run and enjoy it-- all while staying healthy and eating right? why do you have to be extremely busy or have to quit when you get hurt? i see a cycle, jay, that continues to repeat itself: you run a lot, you get hurt, you quit, and you gain a bunch of weight back. repeat cycle."

    i know she's right and i had to spend a little time last night grieving my aspiration of being an elite marathoner for now/"shelving." mindy is a good wife. :>)

    praying for all your physical hearts and for peace. also that all of us can acknowledge our limitations and rest within them.