nobody's fault but mine...

This a.m. I've been listening to the 77's cover of Zeppelin's Nobody's Fault But Mine. Sometimes I like to just put that song on "REPEAT" & listen to it over & over... either that or Akiko Suwanai's performance of the Bach Violin Concertos...

I like both of these because they stimulate thought... & from my experience, there is nothing like Bach to bring one's ideas together, to eliminate confusion, & set the tone for work, study, or... thinking...

One of the things that has been circling my brain is the (sudden?) realization that I would like to be able to assign (pass?) blame to others... & that it happens because I don't want to take responsibility for myself. Here's an example:

This morning, theBean & I were getting ready for the day, & she made a comment (shared an opinion) to/with me, & it bugged me. It MADE me angry. I could feel my mood, outlook, & attitude going south... & it was because of what SHE said. And I wanted to let her know it. So I did. Her response? "It's your choice." (NOTE: it wasn't said with sarcasm. No "biting tone." No flippancy. She just said it.)

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"It's your choice." Something I say all the time - ALL the time. My dear friend Johannes used to say it to me in conversation - I loved to hear him say it with his American accent. I say it because it reminds me of him, & I try to say it like he does, which is almost always followed with a "Hmmm..."

As I sulked in the bathroom, my own words came back to me. There are somethings in life that I CAN'T choose, things that are beyond me - but there is a whole lot that I can. My responses are mine to choose - even in the face of disappointment, frustration, sadness, insecurity, fear... It's my choice.

My attitude. My words. My actions.

And if I was going to sulk, pout, withdraw, get mad, be antagonistic, well...

...it's nobody's fault but mine...