Thursday & it's pouring...

My family moved in the summer before my 5th grade year - we didn't leave Reno, but I had to change schools. For some reason, I didn't get enrolled in the new school in time to go on the first day - I ended up showing up on about Day 4... I was petrified.

The move meant lots of loss... loss of contact with old friends. Loss of a routine. Loss of being able to walk to school. Loss of the only house I'd lived in through my "aware" years (4-10.) Loss of neighbors... loss of living in town. Loss of feeling like my life was the best, most secure life that a kid could ever experience.

I made friends eventually... after being relegated to the hopscotch court with 3 girls (true story,) for about 3 weeks, I caught a break because the other guys that played football at recess lost one of their players due to a broken arm or chicken pox (I forget which.) His loss was my gain. Someone threw me the football in an act of desperation & in my zeal I grabbed it & outran everyone on the playground field to the end-zone. I had a very small niche.

I've never forgotten what it felt like to have nowhere to go at recess... to be passed over as non-existent by peers... to have the only people that even knew I was alive be the others that didn't fit, that didn't connect... I had thought I was a pretty confident person, that I'd be able to be me in just about any situations - I found that when I was out of my familar environment, I was frozen, unable to move, unwilling to reach out, because I was pretty sure that I couldn't handle the possibility of rejection. It shaped me in ways that I'm still discovering. And it made me want others to never be in that situation - if I could help it.


PS - I know its not raining from the sky today - but there are many, many ways that rain falls into one's life, no?

5 launchings into the blogosphere....:

JayBird said...

I feel ya, man.

Hang-in.

Jeni said...

I completely relate with the not fitting, though it wasn't ever a result of being new in a place. Sorry that it's pouring, whatever that means for you...

digapigmy said...

i think we have all had these moments. your brother could probably tell you about mine when i first came to sierra christian (if he remembers). i came home crying after my second day of second grade because no one would play with me - everybody had cliques established from either life center or the previous school year. my mom called up and the teacher handed down a decree that certain kids "had" to play with me. as you can imagine, that didn't go over well. somehow, joel and i managed to get along despite the fact the he had, at some point, been forced to act like my friend for 15 minute intervals.

shontell said...

I have actually always been cool. Sorry I can't relate.

scoey-d said...

Thanks JB

Jeni - we can talk more about this... esp. with the fitting in - or only fitting in as long as I accomplish a desired role, or can do a particular necessary task... otherwise, I seemed to be oddly inconvenient.

Brintus- sorry man. And the fact that you & Moe connected is truly incredible. Probably due to your supreme sci-fi & math skills.

Shontell - & don't forget an incredibly humble person who always plays well with others...